Law & Order
by starvingstudent
Summary: When Kensi agrees to go on a date with a lawyer, this isn't exactly what she expects. He isn't what she expects. (Not a crossover or related to the show Law & Order).
1. Chapter 1

_**Law and Order**_

 _ **Summary – Kensi and Deeks meet under different circumstances. Kensi is the agent we know. Deeks never stopped being a lawyer. They both have pasts which have shaped their present. A story about the struggle of keeping secrets and the question of whether love really can overcome anything.**_

 _ **It starts in the fall of season three. There will be very little focus on the details of Kensi's work and the cases of season three. In chapters where knowing the plot of the episode is important, I will put it in the AN at the top.**_

 _ **NOT a crossover or in any way related to the TV show(s) Law and Order.**_

 _ **Disclaimer – I own nothing. I am simply borrowing the characters and promise to return them safely.**_

 _ **AN: This idea came up while writing an earlier chapter of ADLS. I wrote the first couple chapters about a year and a half ago, but didn't have time to pursue it being that I barely had time to write ADLS. I've picked away at it over time and have about 12 chapters written (not proofed/polished yet) so I wanted to start posting. There should end up being 15-20 chapters total and I plan to update about once a week.**_

* * *

When Kensi agrees to go on a date with a lawyer, this isn't exactly what she expects.

 _He_ isn't what she expects.

Clean cut. Suit. Fancy restaurant. A certain level of pride and arrogance. _Those_ are things she had expected.

That's what her previous experience with lawyers had been; from the guy with the suit that probably cost as much as she makes in a month who she dated exactly one time the previous year, to the Jag lawyer who tried to kill her the year before that.

But as she stares across the small table at the man her friend convinced (forced) her into a blind date with, she's starting to seriously wonder if this is one big practical joke.

She's also wondering how offensive it would be if she asks for confirmation, only to find out he actually is a lawyer. In her history of bad dates, this could actually make a new record for the shortest one ever.

The blond, shaggy haired man across from her - who she believes may not own a comb - beats her to it. "I really am a lawyer," he says.

Kensi immediately starts to defend herself. "I wasn't…"

Her companion cocks his head. His hair shifts with the movement, so she can actually see the raised eyebrow. And his blue eyes sparkle, reflecting the light of the restaurant and ...oh. She likes this look. She likes it a lot. She feels herself pull forward ever so slightly.

"Fine, I totally was," she comes clean. "You don't exactly look like a typical lawyer." She hopes her words aren't too harsh. Her friends keep telling her she needs to be gentler.

"Well, I'm not your typical, every day lawyer," he responds smoothly, seemingly unaffected by her words.

It's her turn to raise an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Lawyer by day, superhero by night," he declares with a smile.

She laughs, despite herself. "Impressive," she plays along. "What kind of superhero stuff do you do?"

"World saving, mostly." He smirks. "May save the occasional damsel in distress if the situation calls for it."

Kensi rolls her eyes, but she's still smiling. "Sounds fascinating."

"Probably more fascinating than working sixty hours a week or more at the Public Defenders' Office, trying to juggle twice as many cases as I should be handling at one time," he says with a slight tinge of self-deprecation.

He had made her laugh before, but now she's actually interested in knowing more.

She leans forward. "What made you choose the Public Defender's Office?"

He sits up a little straighter, she notes. Whatever his answer, he's proud of his reason. "I wanted to help people."

She considers him for a long moment. "It's why you became a lawyer," she surmises. "To be a public defender."

He sits back in his chair, protective of his choices. He nods with an, "Mmm-hmm."

She offers him a soft smile and a nod. "Good for you."

It's his turn to consider her for a long moment. "Thank you." He sits forward again. "I think Mindy said you make drugs?"

She glares at him for his purposeful misinterpretation of her (cover) job. "I work for a pharmaceutical company," she clarifies.

"Sounds fun," he offers.

"Well, it is when I make drugs by day, and be a superhero by night." She can't hold back her smile as she copies his earlier statement.

He laughs openly and nods his appreciation. "Surprised we haven't bumped into each other. You know, with all the superheroing going on."

She laughs and reaches for her water glass, taking the opportunity to delay any response she needs to make with a sip. He's sweet and funny and she really likes his eyes, and he really is a lawyer. By day and by night.

But he has no idea she's lying about her day job. And he has no idea the superhero by night joke is closer to the truth than he would ever guess.

Kensi hates lying. And she hates that she's so damn good at lying. It makes her job easier, but her private life harder.

"Hello, folks, sorry for the wait," their waiter announces himself as he appears beside their table, showing up just in time to prevent Kensi from having to say anything further on this particular conversational train.

They place their drink orders and hear the specials. By the time their drinks arrive, they order their dinner. The food is good and the company better. Kensi can't remember the last time she laughed so much. The unusual lawyer across from her is smart and witty and fun. She lets down her guard and a little more of the real Kensi comes out than she normally allows.

When they finish their meals, he offers to pay for them both, but doesn't seem off put when she pays for herself.

"So..." Deeks starts as they make their way out of the restaurant together.

"So," Kensi echoes.

He smiles lazily at her before cocking his head ever so slightly and...yup. She still really likes this look. "I had a really good time tonight, Kensi."

"Me, too," she says honestly.

"Can we do this again?"

She smiles softly at him. She's not one for second dates. And when she had agreed (relented) to a date with a lawyer to make her friend happy (stop harassing her), she had definitely not expected to be looking forward to a second one (a lot). "I'd like that."

"Friday?"

They're getting closer to her car, and she uses the action of retrieving her keys from her purse as an excuse not to answer right away. Work has been crazy and she'd been lucky to get away this evening for dinner. In fact, if Callen and Sam hadn't eavesdropped on her call with Mindy the previous week and found out about the blind date, she'd still be at work now. They'd pretty much forced her out the door.

"Uh, I'm not sure what my schedule is going to be like for the rest of the week..."

He narrows his eyes ever so slightly.

It's her turn to say what he's thinking before he can. "I want to see you again," she says boldly, and then feels her cheeks heat at her own forwardness. She hadn't meant to be quite so open. "I just... Can I call you?"

He actually smirks at her words.

She huffs. "Okay, that might sound like a cliché line-"

"The _most_ cliché line," he cuts in, still smirking away. Then he cocks his head. "Well, maybe the second most cliché line. _It's not you, it's me_ , may have the title of the most-"

" _But_ ," she continues, cutting him off, _"_ I do mean it." She pulls her phone from her pocket, unlocks it and holds it out to him. "Make yourself a contact. That way I cannot claim to have written down your number wrong."

He takes her phone and only pauses long enough to pass her his before entering his personal information in as a new contact.

"So, when you call and confirm that you're free to go out with me on Friday because I'm charming and you can't possible wait until next week..." He pauses to smile at the glare he apparently expected. Only one dinner and he already knows her well enough to expect a glare for that kind of comment. She's not sure if she like that or not. "What did you want to do? Dinner and a movie?"

She raises an eyebrow. "And you think I'm the cliché one?"

He purses his lips for a moment. "Don't clichés become clichés for a reason?"

"Probably."

He smiles. "So, we'll talk soon and then nail down a plan?"

"Sounds good."

He hesitates ever so slightly. "Would it be too cliché if I...?"

She shakes her head.

He closes the gap between them and ducks his head down to kiss her. It's a soft kiss, just long enough to not be chaste, and...oh. There's that feeling again. He pulls back and smiles at her.

She smiles back as her heart thumps in her ribcage. It's been a long time since she's felt anything like this.

"I'm really glad we did this," he says.

"Me, too, Marty." She breathes. "Me, too."


	2. Chapter 2

_**Thank you for the amazing response to this new story! I'm so excited to finally be sharing it…**_

* * *

Kensi gets into work early, hoping to be the first one in.

She doesn't get her wish.

The moment she enters the bullpen, three heads pop up from their respective focuses on their laptops.

"How was your date?" Agent Mike Renko asks, speaking first.

She does a double take at the agent who was very much not there the day before.

"What is he doing here?" She asks Callen and Sam, ignoring both Renko and Renko's question.

" _He_ has a name." Renko says.

"Called him in for help," Callen explains.

"And _he_ is sitting _right_ here," Renko continues.

"I said I was fine staying last night," Kensi insists.

"It isn't about last night," Sam says. "We need more than the three of us to finish this case."

"Ah, so glad you thought of me," Renko says.

Sam shoots him a look. "You were the first one who picked up your phone."

"Really feeling the love, Sam," Renko says, hand on his chest. He turns back to Kensi. "How was your date?" He asks again.

She opens her mouth, ready to tell her part-time partner to mind his own business, but quickly turns her attention back to Callen and Sam. She holds up her finger accusingly. "Why does he know I had a date last night?"

Callen actually winces. "So close."

Sam laughs, though he winces first, too.

"I am a highly trained federal agent with excellent deductive skills," Renko insists. "I deduced you were on a date."

"I deduced you were an idiot," Kensi counters.

Callen and Sam both laugh.

Renko clears his throat and tries again. "You are a young, single woman. And, if you don't mind me saying, quite pretty, so why wouldn't you be on a date?"

She narrows her eyes at him.

"Fine. Callen and Sam told me the moment I got here."

Callen and Sam speak at once.

"Hey!"

"That's not true."

"That's what I thought," Kensi says as she takes her seat at her desk. She opens her laptop screen. "So, where are we on the case?"

00

The case grinds on for the next two days. Three shootings, a car chase and an explosion hold her focus and keep her from calling the lawyer until late morning on Thursday.

"Shit," she curses, not having realized how much time had passed until now. She'd worked overnight and hadn't realized Friday was tomorrow until right now.

With the case finally wrapped up, Callen and Sam have calmed down, and she knows she can get away for a few minutes without issue. She makes her way down the hall behind the bullpen and finds an empty office.

She opens her contacts and pulls up the _D_ s. The lawyer is the only Deeks she knows. She hesitates for a long moment as her heart pounds in her chest. She's not sure why she's suddenly so nervous. The first date was good. Really good. And they've already agreed to the second date, so it's not like he's about to shoot her down.

She places the phone down on the bare desk for a moment and turns her back to it, leaning against the desk. She doesn't do second dates as a general rule, but she's been known to break her own rule from time to time. What's different this time is that she felt something.

Something she hasn't felt in a long time. Something that scares her more than second dates. Or third dates. Or lawyers. Or dinners and movies. Or dating clichés.

"You survived two shootouts in the last six hours," she tells herself. "You can make this phone call." She nods to herself, trying to force a sense of confidence.

She turns and reaches for her phone. She presses send before she can stop herself.

And then she laughs. Because he has put his last name into the phone as 'Deeks,' but he has put his first name in as 'Lawyer-By-Day," so that when she calls out, his name reads as 'Lawyer-By-Day Deeks.'

He answers on the third ring.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Lawyer-By-Day Deeks," she greets, trying to make herself sound confident.

"Kensi," he says warmly. "It's nice to hear from you." She can hear the shuffling of papers as he presumably sets down a file.

"Yeah, I'm so sorry it took me so long. Work's been...crazy. And I didn't realize how many days had gone by." She cringes as she realizes how stupid that sounds. To most people, even if work is crazy, they go home at night and notice the days going by. Her job doesn't always afford her that opportunity. But _he_ doesn't know that.

"It's okay," he says quickly, brushing it off. "You said work was crazy. I understand."

She frowns slightly at his tone. He doesn't sound upset at her at all. He sounds...resigned. Like he truly believes he doesn't deserve any better than she has offered him. She makes a mental note to do better if this happens again. "Thank you for understanding," she tells him, at least wanting him to feel appreciated.

"No worries." He pauses. "So, did you maybe want to reschedule something for next week?"

Kensi feels her chest tighten in disappointment. "Oh, yeah, sounds good. I guess you made plans for tomorrow..."

"No," he says quickly. "I'm still free. I just thought... When you didn't call..." He trails off again.

Kensi frowns again, wondering where the confident man she had met earlier that week had gone. She really should have called sooner. _Days_ sooner.

He clears his throat. "I just assumed with your work being crazy you wouldn't be free."

"We were having...a bit of an emergency," she tells him. "And it's taken all of my time and attention until right now. So, I really am sorry I didn't call sooner. But, it's resolved now, so I'm..." She trails off for a moment. "I'm free tomorrow evening if you are."

"I'm definitely free," he says, a hint of his confidence back.

"Great. I think you said something about dinner and a movie?"

She can practically hear him smile through the phone. "Decided it's not too cliché for you?" He teases.

Kensi hesitates before taking a chance. "Well, how about you take the reins on this one, and I'll plan the next one?"

There is an extended pause on the other end of the phone. She hears him swallow hard. "Uh, drama or comedy?"

"Surprise me."

00

She lets him pick her up at home. Normally her dates don't even get to know her real name, but seeing as they'd been set up by her college friend Mindy, who knows everything about Kensi except what she actually does for a living, Marty already knows her full name. She doesn't see the harm in letting him know where she lives, seeing as it will just look more suspicious if Mindy finds out she's hiding her home from him or pretending to live elsewhere.

She meets him out front, raising an eyebrow when he pulls up in a dark blue pickup truck. It's more than a couple years old, but clearly well kept.

She lets herself in before he can get out to open her door.

"You are just full of surprises," she tells him.

He stares at her before putting the truck into drive. He looks slightly vulnerable, but otherwise good. He's dressed in jeans and a black button down. He still hasn't combed his hair, but she finds the shaggy look is less of a shock today than at their first date. She kind of likes it. It must be growing on her.

She offers him a smile. "I think a pickup truck would be the last type of car I would guess for a lawyer to have."

He smiles back, but she's surprised to see he's somewhat embarrassed. She wonders if he's gotten less than amused reactions before.

"Yeah, I surf," he offers. "The bed of the truck is the easiest to transport my board to the beach." He points his thumb over his shoulder towards the bed of the truck.

She twists and looks back over her shoulder, but can't see past the small backseat area. "Ah, I guess that's easier than strapping the board to your roof, like I've seen other people do."

He nods. "That can damage the board."

She smiles. "So, you _really_ surf."

He shrugs. "I get out most mornings. Something I've been doing since I was a kid."

"You did say you grew up here."

He nods and smiles, happy she remembered. "You surf?"

She shakes her head. "Not really. My dad was stationed in Hawaii for a year. I tried it a few times, but..." She scrunches her nose. "It was hard."

He laughs. "You just need a good teacher."

It's half comment and half offer, and he leaves it to dangle between them.

She's halfway to responding when he speaks again.

"Man, surfing in Hawaii..." He shakes his head. "I'd kill to go surfing in Hawaii."

"You ever been?"

"No." He shakes his head. "I just haven't had the time to go anywhere. You been back since you were a kid?"

Kensi thinks back to the trip she had taken to Hawaii the week before to try to speak with former members of her father's unit and the work she had done for the Hawaii 5-0 team while she had been there. She wonders if it's possible to explain that away.

"Briefly," she tells him. "But it was for work."

"Your work seems busy," he says, but his tone is conversational and not judgmental. "Do you travel a lot?"

"Uh, a fair bit, I guess," she says, trying not to be too specific. If this thing with Marty becomes something real, this could actually be a useful part of her cover story. "It's okay, but it's usually at the last minute." She forces a laugh. "I actually keep a bag at work now, because I've been sent away on such short notice that I couldn't go home first."

He smiles along with her. "What kind of urgent trips does the pharmaceutical world have?"

Again, he's being conversational. He's not challenging her explanation. He's just curious.

She still curses herself for setting herself up for this. "Uh, well, I can't go into too many details. I had to sign a confidentiality clause." When he cocks his head, she rolls her eyes for effect. She smiles, knowing she's making her cover story work. "But we have sister companies. And I work in development, which involves not only the drug itself, but a lot of administrative work. And because we're the main branch, if there are any issues in the other locations, we go out and help."

"Makes sense," he accepts easily.

She smiles sadly across the car at him as he focuses on the road. He's so trusting of her story. She hates that she has to lie to him.

00

He picks a comedy for the movie. She laughs so hard her sides hurt by the time it's over.

"Are you sure you're up for dinner?" He asks.

She eyes him warily. "Yeah. Why?"

He clears his throat and hesitates before answering.

"Marty?" She prompts.

"You ate a _lot_ of popcorn," he says, one eyebrow raised. "Like, a lot."

"It was good!" She argues. "And I did not eat that whole tub myself. You ate it, too."

"I ate maybe this much," he jokes, holding his hands out to signify a very small amount.

She swipes at his shoulder playfully, laughing along with him. "That is a lie."

He laughs out loud and drops it. "You win. Let's get to dinner. I, uh, made a reservation. I hope that's okay. It's an Italian place, but if you want something else, we can-"

"Italian sounds great," she cuts him off. He meets her eyes, concern lining his as if he needs additional confirmation that Italian really is okay. She smiles warmly at him. "Is it close? Or are we driving?"

He exhales slowly and then returns her smile. "Just a few blocks if you're okay to walk?"

She nods and is surprised when he reaches for her hand.

This man is an enigma to her. He's confident until he's not. And then he's back to confident. He's a lawyer who became a lawyer to be a public defender. He drives a pickup truck and wears jeans on a second date. And he (probably) doesn't own a hairbrush. But he's proud of what he does. And she thinks he's happy to be here with her.

Kensi walks along beside him now, her hand tucked into his. He's a comfortable presence beside her. She's looking forward to dinner and getting to know him better. She knows it was her fault that he lost his confidence with her the first time. She had promised to call and had lost track of the days, letting too much time pass before she called. But she doesn't think this second time was her. It was like he thought the wrong restaurant might mean she'd walk away.

When they reach the restaurant, Kensi puts in some extra effort. "Mmm, looks really good," she tells him. She's not lying. The restaurant is of an older style, with a neon sign, but a welcoming ambiance. It gives the impression of a decades old, family-run establishment.

He shoots a smile her way. "Like Italian?"

She nods, but then continues. "I like most food," she tells him, wanting to bring back some of the previous humour they had shared.

He chuckles as he holds the door open for her. She's trying to be a good date and make him feel good, so she walks through the door with a simple, "thanks."

They are seated quickly. It's not a fancy restaurant. There are several couples and a few families. A group of young men sit across the room, probably college kids. But the atmosphere is light, the food fantastic, and the company even better.

Kensi laughs as much as she had during the movie. She smiles and she flirts and she banters back with him when he teases her for putting away a rather large pasta dish.

She _really_ likes him. It's still a scary realization, but doesn't take her by surprise quite as much as their first date.

After dinner (and dessert), he swipes the bill before she can make a move. She tries to argue, wanting to pay her half again, but he shakes his head.

"Nope," he says simply, and then reminds her of their previous agreement. "This was my date to plan and execute. You're in charge of the next one."

She almost argues, but closes her mouth and nods. "Alright. When did you want to do this next date?"

He smirks at her from across the table. "Not up to me."

She huffs, realizing quickly he has a point. "I hear you. I'll, uh, look into things."

His expression softens ever so slightly, some uncertainty showing through again. "You don't have to…if you don't want to."

"No, I want to. Honestly, with everything that went on at work this week, I didn't have time to think past tonight. But I'm looking forward to…more."

He smiles at her. "Me, too."

Kensi feels her breath catch. There's that feeling again. She's wishing she had looked into something sooner, so they could have date three soon. Like tomorrow.

They walk back to his truck hand in hand. The drive is comfortable, half silence and half quiet conversation. When they get back to Kensi's place, he parks and walks her to the door.

He kisses her again, like the last time; just long enough not to be chaste. But she pulls him in for another kiss. Deeper this time. And longer. His mouth creaks open and she steals his air as he pushes closer against her.

She backs up slowly, stopping only when something solid meets her back. She wonders for a moment before smiling into the kiss when she realizes it's her front door.

When they finally break away, they're both breathing hard. His eyes are dark blue, shining in the moonlight. She feels her lungs heave in her chest. And, oh…there's that feeling again. Only more so this time.

She's starting to really like this feeling.

And she really likes him. She wants this. She wants _more_ with him.

He pecks her gently on the lips one more time. "I should go," he whispers.

She wants to argue, wants to invite him in, doesn't want this night to end. But he's right. It's too soon for more.

Kensi nods. "Okay. I'm going to, uh," she runs her hand through her hair, trying to organize her thoughts. "I'm going to get planning. For date three."

He smiles warmly at her. "Sounds good."

"I'll call you," she says. Then she laughs out loud. "Why can't I stop sounding so cliché?" She huffs before he can answer. "I am going to call. Much sooner this time."

"Looking forward to it."

* * *

 _ **AN: I chose Renko to be the 'fourth' on the team for this story because, according to IMDB, he was offered a full-time part prior to ECO being hired to play Deeks. Plus, we know him and like him.**_


	3. Chapter 3

Kensi keeps her promise and calls much sooner this time.

She's so hyped from her date that she stays up Friday night looking into possible date venues. By two in the morning she has found something promising and part of her wonders if she should text him now. She decides she doesn't want to come off as crazy after less than a week of knowing him, so she holds off until morning. Better to dole out the crazy in small doses and lull him into a false sense of security.

She wakes the next morning and putters around her house until noon. She has arbitrarily decided that noon is the most appropriate time to call. The clock reaches twelve, and then she waits for one extra minute just because.

He answers quickly when she calls.

"Hi, Kensi."

"Marty," she greets easily.

"What can I do for you on this fine Saturday morning?"

"It's not morning anymore," she says quickly.

There is a pause and then he chuckles. "Okay, what can I do for you two minutes into this lovely Saturday afternoon?"

She hesitates for a moment, her determination temporarily interrupted.

"Kensi?"

"Uh, yeah… So, I looked into third date options."

She hears him exhale. "And?"

"And there is a music festival at a park near downtown…"

"Sounds fun," he says.

"…Only problem is that tonight is the last night of the festival."

He exhales again. "Doesn't sound like a problem to me."

She feels her heart hitch at his acceptance, and feels her confidence swell. "Me neither, I guess."

"So, what time are you picking me up?"

"Oh, I'm picking you up, am I?" She teases.

"It's your date," he reminds.

Kensi likes that he's comfortable having her pick him up. There's no way she can imagine the other lawyers she has met being okay with the girl doing the date planning and the driving.

"I can drive," he comments when she is silent too long. "It's really not a problem. I was just-"

"No, I'll drive," she cuts in. "I want to."

They quickly agree on a time and he shares his address.

00

The date is half disaster and half amazing.

Apparently, everyone in the city has decided to attend the music festival. Parking is a nightmare. Kensi drives up and down streets, and past full-lots, for half an hour before turning around. They end up in a parking lot almost a mile from the festival.

Thankfully, Marty is a good sport and doesn't seem put off by the need to walk so far. She walks comfortable beside him for the first block, remembering how nice it was the night before when he took her hand. She spends the second block trying to decide if she should take the initiative. By the third block, she reaches out and snags his hand.

He accepts the contact easily and shoots her a smile. "I was wondering how long it was going to take you to do that."

She huffs. "Maybe I was waiting for you to do it."

"Now, that is another cliché," he jokes. "Waiting for the guy to take the step. I thought this was your date?"

She knows he's got her there. She huffs again, but squeezes his hand.

With the extended parking time and the walk, they had expected to arrive after the start of the music. Technical issues, though, have delayed the start time. A local band is set up on the stage, but a series of people are swarming around, checking cables and equipment.

An hour after the expected start time, a high-pitched screeching tone fills the area from a speaker, only to cut off suddenly with a choking boom.

Deeks makes a face. "Well, that can't be good."

Kensi laughs. "No, it can't." She tilts her head towards the series of food trucks set up opposite the stage. "I think this is a perfect time for dinner."

They inspect each food truck before picking one with fancy fish tacos and burgers.

Marty pulls out his wallet, but she waves her hand at him and jokingly shoves away his wallet.

"My date," she reminds, pulling her wallet from the small shoulder bag she had chosen for the evening. She pulls out a twenty and waves it. "I pay."

The cashier of the food truck looks confused, but Deeks smiles and shrugs as he returns his wallet. "You heard the lady."

After Kensi has paid and they are both walking away with their meals, he brushes his shoulder against hers. "Thank you."

She smiles back at him. "You can be in charge of the next date again."

He returns her smile, his blue eyes sparkling despite the low light.

Kensi is not one for second dates, or any subsequent number. But she likes knowing there's going to be a fourth date with this strange lawyer.

By the time they finish their meals, the music still hasn't started and half the crowd has disappeared.

They return to the food trucks in search of drinks.

Marty doesn't remove his wallet, but offers to pay. She thanks him, but declines.

She takes exactly one sip of her beer when a couple kids race through the crowd. One, probably about seven, runs right into her. Her bottle is tossed from her hands, and her shirt takes the brunt of the spray of beer.

The kid yells 'sorry' and races off after his friend.

Kensi makes a face as she brushes her fingers along her wet shirt. She is immediately glad she chose a dark red tee shirt, and not something lighter.

Marty hands her a few napkins and then ducks down to retrieve the fallen bottle. "I'll be right back."

He returns only moments later with a bottle of water and a handful of napkins.

"Thank you," she says gratefully. She uses the bottle to rinse her shirt as best she can and then dabs at herself with the napkins.

"Do you want to go?" He asks.

She doesn't. She's having a great time with him. And also, she is a little competitive, and this is supposed to be her date. It's going to be awesome. "No, I'm good to stay," she tells him. "Unless you want to go?" At nearly two hours late, she's not sure the music will ever actually start.

He smiles that warm smile again. "I want to stay."

She smiles back at him. "Good."

She buys another beer and then they find a spot out of the way and sit under a tree. They talk and tell stories as they get to know each other better. It's very quaint and a little cliché, but she has a great time. He's nice and easy going, and so funny. Her abs actually ache from laughing so much.

"I can't believe you have a dog," she says. "What does he look like?"

"Kind of brownish-blond. Scruffy terrier hair, but large."

"Scruffy like his dad?" She jokes.

He smiles in good nature, but it doesn't meet his eyes. He takes in her expression for an extended moment before his smile becomes real. "The Deeks men are very good looking, very distinguished," he jokes. He pulls out his phone, scrolls through it for a moment, and then hands it to her.

Kensi stares down at the picture of the dog. "He's adorable!"

"We're also adorable, apparently," he adds.

She hands him back his phone. "Monty," she repeats the name he had provided.

"Monty," he confirms.

"Monty and Marty."

He shrugs. "He came with the name. So did I, come to think of it."

She laughs at his joke. "What's he like?"

"He's…great."

She raises an eyebrow. "You don't sound so sure."

"He's great," he repeats. "He's just a little…special. I adopted him from a service dog rescue. He's a former police dog. Did some bomb sniffing and stuff. The police vet diagnosed him with an anxiety condition. I guess dogs absorb stress the same way people do."

"Poor guy."

"He's not aggressive at all," he explains. "He just likes certain things to be a certain way to stay calm."

"Like what?"

He clearly hesitates for a moment. "NPR."

She huffs a laugh, thinking for a moment that he is joking. Then she realizes he is serious. "NPR… Like the radio station, NPR?"

"That's what the R stands for," he says with a nod.

"That cannot be true."

He laughs. "I have literally tried every other station available. He likes his NPR and only NPR."

"I will have to meet this NPR-loving former police dog. He sounds like quite a catch."

"I'm sure he'd love to meet you," he says. "He has good taste."

Kensi smiles and ducks her head for a moment, feeling her cheeks heat. She _never_ blushes. But he has some sort of hold over her. He straddles the line of genuine and flirty like a tight rope walker. She _really_ likes him. She peaks up at him, and he's smiling back at her. She thinks maybe he really likes her, too.

They move on to less intense discussion, and then, at exactly three hours late, the music finally starts.

They make their way closer to the stage. The band is good and plays a wide selection of pieces.

She and Marty start by standing close to each other, but as the crowd pushes forward and gets closer together, they find themselves letting go of their inhibitions and dancing together.

00

It's midnight when they make their way back to her car.

"My feet are killing me," she complains. She had chosen style over comfort, which was a poor choice for walking a mile to the festival, waiting for hours, dancing for hours, and then walking another mile back to the car.

"Mine, too," he echoes. "But it was totally worth it."

She beams. "You liked my date?"

"Very much."

"Good. Me, too. Despite, you know, having to park in the middle of nowhere, the music starting three hours late and the fact that I smell like stale beer."

He laughs. "You don't smell that bad."

She swipes jokingly at him. "You're supposed to tell me I don't smell bad at all."

He smirks. "That would be a lie."

She makes a face and runs a hand over her dry, but still somewhat beer infused, shirt. "It could be worse, I guess," she offers as she gets into the driver's seat.

"I like that you're easy going about these things," he comments as he settles into the passenger seat beside her.

She shoots him a smile. "I like that you're okay with me driving and paying."

"I like you," he offers boldly.

She feels her heart flutter. "I like you, too."

The drive back to his house is relatively quick this time of night. She pulls up in front of his small-but-nice house sooner than she wants.

"Should I walk you to the door to complete my date?" She asks.

He smiles. "That would be nice."

His house is a little bigger than it looked from the street. From the front yard, she can see it's one and a half floors. The outside is well kept, and she expects the inside will be the same.

They reach the porch and he turns towards her. She doesn't waste any time in standing up on her tip toes and pressing her lips to his. He kissed her back.

"Do you want to come in and meet Monty?" He asks.

She cocks her head, leaning back in his arms, trusting him to hold her. "Is this another cliché? Equivalent to inviting me in for coffee? It is the third date, after all."

He smiles at her. "This can be anything you want it to be."

She leans back in for another kiss. "I like the cliché."

He pecks her lips and then turns to unlock the door. Monty greets them with happy chuffs and a wagging tail.

After letting the dog out, Marty gives her a tour of his house.

The tour ends in his bedroom. She doesn't leave until the next morning.


	4. Chapter 4

_**AN: Thank you for the reviews/PMs/support on this story so far. I'm enjoying the thoughts/guesses on the upcoming/ongoing plot.**_

* * *

Kensi goes into work happy Monday morning. She's feeling good after a really good weekend.

The boys are already at their desks. She greets them all with a "good morning," but otherwise does not interact. She does, however, notice when Sam narrows his eyes at her and then exchanges a look with his partner as she takes her seat. She pretends not to notice.

"How was your weekend?" Sam asks.

"Fine. Yours?"

Sam and Callen exchange another glance. She continues to pretend not to notice.

"Just fine?" Callen prods.

"Just fine," she responds.

"Cause, it kind of seems like it was more than just fine," Sam pushes. Beside her, Callen chuckles. So does Sam and Renko.

Kensi huffs at Callen and then levels a glare across the bullpen at Sam and Renko.

"Why are you still here?" She asks Renko, trying to change the subject.

He holds up his hands. "Don't be mad at me, partner. I didn't say anything about your weekend."

"Yeah, well, you laughed."

Renko smirks. "I laughed because you can literally pull off any cover while undercover and convince anyone of anything, but when it comes to your personal life, you can't hide a thing."

She forces herself not to react to Renko's words. They remind her of just how good she is at hiding parts of her life. Now that she is getting close to Marty, she is starting to wonder if that is really a good thing.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Renko chuckles. "Okay, partner. I'll let it go."

"I'm not your partner," she shoots back at him.

He jokingly clutches at his chest. "That's hurtful. I'm not looking for a long-term commitment, Kensi. I'm just looking for acknowledgment."

She smiles and rolls his eyes at him. "Well, _partner_ , if we're partners aren't you supposed to be on my side?"

Renko considers her for a moment before mock-glaring at Callen and Sam. "Leave her alone. If she doesn't want to share details of her romantic weekend, she doesn't have to."

Both Callen and Sam laugh.

Kensi glares at Renko again. "You didn't answer my question before. Why are you here?"

Renko sits back in his chair. "I'm a valued member of this team."

Sam scoffs. "We're using him to do the paperwork from last week's case."

"Ouch, not feeling to love today," Renko shoots back.

"Do you normally feel the love?" Callen jokes.

Kensi laughs along with the team. In actual fact, she enjoys working with Renko when he's active with the team. He may only be her part time partner, but he's the best partner she's ever had. She'll never admit it to him, but she likes when he is working with them.

Eventually, the conversation settles as the agents get to work on their paperwork.

Just before lunch, Kensi's phone chimes to announce an incoming text. She pulls it out of her pocket and bites back a smile when she realizes it's from Marty. She can feel the team's eyes on her as she unlocks her phone.

 _Is it too soon to plan my next date?_

Ignoring the team's attention and still biting back a smile, she responds.

 _No._

Marty responds quickly.

 _You free tonight?_

In the few cases where she has allowed contact to go beyond the first date, Kensi has always kept her distance. She's independent and likes her space. It's new to her to _want_ to spend so much time together. With any other guy, four dates in the week since she'd met him would be three dates too many. But not with this guy.

 _Yup._

 _I'll pick you up at 7?_

 _Looking forward to it._

 _So am I. ;)_

She finally allows her smile to filter through her defenses as she returns her phone to her pocket. Callen and Sam quickly go back to their paperwork, but Renko meets her eyes and offers her a warm smile. The team may enjoy poking fun at each other, but she knows she has a ton of support here. They are happy that she is happy.

She smiles back.

00

For his next date, Marty takes her to dinner.

Later in the week, she takes him to a movie. She lets him pick the movie, half-hoping he'll pick the new action movie she's seen on commercials. She drops several hints on the way to the theatre, which she is pretty sure he picks up on.

When they arrive, he picks comedy, despite her hints. She wonders if it's because he's still trying to make a good impression. It's another few weeks before she finds out she's wrong.

On Friday, he takes her out again. And then takes her home. She spends the night with him. In the morning, while he makes them breakfast, she snuggles with Monty on the couch.

"I saw her first, Monty," Marty calls towards them as he sets the plates down on his table.

Monty is sprawled across her lap, upside down, as she rubs his belly.

"This is the problem with two good looking men such as ourselves sharing a house," Marty explains as he walks over to her. "Always competing for the same girls."

Kensi snorts a laugh and gently prods the canine off her lap. Monty curls into the corner of the couch with a sigh. "I don't know how you get any of the girls with Monty around to compete with you."

He smiles and then ducks forward to peck her on the lips after she stands. "He takes pity on me sometimes."

She laughs as she follows him to the table and allows him to pull out her chair for her.

He has warned her about his limited cooking skills, so she is cautious as she takes her first bite of the frittata he has presented her with.

"You totally lied to me!" She exclaims after she swallows the bite. "This is amazing!"

He smiles at her. "It's part of a short list of things I can cook."

She points her fork a him. "Are you sure you're not just being modest? You'd have to cook me something bad for me to believe your food isn't always this good."

"I can't cook you something bad," he tells her with a playful huff. "I'm still trying to impress you."

She smiles at him and feels her heart flutter ever so slightly. It's a feeling she's starting to get used to. The man across the table from her is an unusual lawyer who doesn't comb his hair and drives an old pickup truck. But he became a lawyer to help those who need it the most. And he likes to do outdoorsy things like surf. He's kind and funny, and has a strange dog. And he cares. His eyes are deep blue and sparkle when he's happy. And he makes amazing frittatas.

"I'm already impressed, Marty," she says softly.

He smiles affectionately at her for a long moment. She watches as he takes a deep breath and then releases it slowly. "I'm glad," he tells her.

Her heart swells in her chest and she knows she could be in trouble. He's already walked right through her normal defenses in ways she doesn't truly understand. But having spent time with him, she knows she could really fall for him.

She hasn't risked her heart in a long time. She had actually thought she never would again. But now she's presented with an opportunity to dive in with Marty. And she's pretty sure he's worth the risk.

00

They trade dates back and forth for a few weeks, but as they become more comfortable with each other and time spent together is often at his house or hers, they begin to lose track of whose turn it is.

"Want to go out tonight?" He asks on a Saturday morning.

Kensi is exhausted after a long week at work. She had begged off going out the previous night, so instead they curled up on the couch and watched old movies. "I'd like that," she says. "But not too late?"

He presses a kiss to the side of her head. "I'm sorry you had such a long week," he sympathises. "Those scientists you work with need to get their act together," he jokes.

She buries her face into the crook of his neck and hooks her arms around his waist, using a hug as a way to avoid looking him in the eye. She hates that she has to lie to him about what she really does. She thinks they could really make this work, but can't imagine keeping her job from him indefinitely.

"They're doing the best they can," she finally answers, standing up for her fake-coworkers. "Sometimes things just happen."

He hugs her back and runs a hand up her spine. "It's okay if you're too tired to do anything tonight."

"No, I want to," she insists. "How about dinner and a movie?"

He pulls back and meets her eyes. "Falling back on the tried and true cliché. I like it."

She smiles at him. "Do you remember whose turn it is?"

He squints his eyes as he thinks and then shakes his head. "Nope."

They decide they don't need to be trading back and forth anymore.

She pays for dinner. He pays for the movie. It's another comedy.


	5. Chapter 5

Kensi and Marty both have busy jobs. She's on call pretty much all the time, and he usually works a minimum of sixty hours a week.

Within the first month of dating, they both have to cancel dates last minute. He has an emergency with a client. She tells him there's an issue with a drug approval she needs to work on. In actual fact, she spends most of two days working with Renko while Callen and Sam are in Sudan on a case.

For the first time in her dating life with this job, though, she is dating someone who understands. He may not know what her job actually is, but he understands it's busy and not always within her control. There is no judgment when she cancels, just like there is no judgment when she is too tired to go out.

In early December, he calls her in the afternoon.

She is at the boatshed watching Sam interrogate a suspect. She leaves Callen watching the video feed and steps as far away as she can for privacy.

"Hey," she answers the phone.

" _Hey, you,_ " he greets. " _How's your day going_?"

She thinks to the car chase that morning and the short-lived shoot out. "Pretty average. You?"

" _Not too bad. But I just got a call from my mechanic."_

She frowns as she recalls him saying his truck was going in for servicing.

" _Looks like they need to keep it for a few extra hours tonight to wait for some parts. Can we reschedule?"_

They have plans to go out that night. Kensi is looking forward to a normal night.

Kensi glances towards the other side of the boatshed. Sam is making progress on getting a confession. There are no other loose ends to tie up. "How about you tell them to keep it overnight. I'll pick you up and we can go for dinner."

" _And how do I get back to work tomorrow?"_ He flirts.

"I guess you'll just have to stay overnight so I can drive you."

" _Sounds great_." He chuckles, but then his tone changes. _"Are you sure you're okay with this?"_

She frowns at his uncertainty. "Of course. I suggested it."

" _Thank you, Kens. This means a lot_."

She brushes off his gratitude and asks for his work address. She promises to be there as soon as she can after work.

Callen offers her a nod as she rejoins him.

"You've been seeing this guy for a while now," he comments. It's a typical Callen comment. He is giving her the option to respond or not.

She chooses to respond. "Yeah. Little more than a month, I guess."

He turns more attention towards her, surprised she engaging in the conversation. "That's well past the first date," he comments. "You broke your own rule."

She smiles. "I made an exception."

"Good guy?"

She nods. "I like him," she says simply.

"That's good. You need more to life than this job," he says.

She snorts. "You're one to talk."

He grins at her. "Fair enough."

Their conversation falls away as Sam pushes their suspect to the point of a confession.

00

Kensi arrives at Marty's office in good time. The outside is pretty much exactly how she expected; an older brick mid-rise, well-kept but not fancy. A very government-looking building. The sign in the lobby displays the many government services operating through the building. She gets on the elevator and goes to the fourth floor.

At the reception desk, she speaks with a kind woman in her sixties with grey hair and a raspy voice, named Lucy. She knows who Kensi is immediately and sends her into the maze of desks with excellent directions.

There are no isolated offices, but the desks are separated by cubicle walls. Despite her previous conceptions of a Public Defender office, the desks are quite large and relatively private.

She finds Marty's desk with ease, across the floor against a window. The desk can only be described as organized chaos. There are several stacks of files and paperwork littering the surface. He has notes pinned to the wall of the cubicle.

"You got some prime real estate here," she announces her presence. "How did you score a window seat?"

He startles in his chair and turns to face her. "Kens," he greets. She's noticed before that he has begun to shorten her name. It doesn't happen all the time, but she likes it when it does. He stands and ducks his head to press a kiss to her lips. "Hi. Sorry, I didn't expect you this soon."

"Made good time." She motions to the desk space behind him. "I'm guessing this is your desk?"

He huffs a laugh and then nods. "Yeah." He scratches his nails along the scruff on his cheek.

Kensi frowns at the action, knowing it means he is nervous or uncertain.

He sighs and moves so she can see the whole thing. "It's not much, I know. But we meet with clients in conference rooms on the other side of the office, and I spend a lot of time in court and-"

"It's great," she cuts him off. She's not sure why he is suddenly so timid about his job. "And you scored a window seat," she repeats.

He shrugs. "Well, I've been here a long time."

"You must have a ton of cases," she comments, angling her head towards the piles of case files.

He sighs and she can see his tiredness. "Too many," he admits.

She steps up on her tip toes and kisses him. "They're lucky to have you."

"Thanks."

She steps forward, closer to his desk. There aren't many personal effects, but there is picture of Monty pinned to the wall beside his computer screen. It makes her smile. "That's cute," she comments.

He chuckles. "Lucy, who works at the reception desk, told me I needed more personal touches. She asked if there was anyone special in my life. When I said yes, she said I needed to bring in a picture for my desk. She wasn't entirely impressed when I brought in a picture of Monty."

Kensi laughs. "Is this the same Lucy who I met at the reception desk, who seemed to know exactly who I was?"

He pretend-winces. "She knows everything about everyone. And she knows when I'm hiding something from her. Hell, she knew about our blind date before I even met you."

She raises an eyebrow.

He nods. "Really. We call her the office mom. She's always asking about our plans, making sure we have a life outside of work, trying to make us better ourselves. She's set up at least two of the guys with their girlfriends, and one woman with her husband. When one of the interns was sick for a while, she forced him to go to the doctor, and it turned out he had a heart condition, which they caught early enough to treat. Plus, she brings in treats, organizes get-togethers outside of work and keeps us sane."

"I like her."

"Yeah, she's awesome."

Kensi continues to take in the details of his desk area while Marty logs out of his computer and organizes his files for the next morning.

When he's ready to go, he leads her back through the maze of desks to the front. About half way there, they encounter two lawyers discussing a case. A young man in his mid-twenties, probably fresh out of law school, and an older woman who looks well-experienced.

"Marty," the man greets.

"Off for the night?" The woman asks.

Deeks stops them and nods. "Yeah, actually leaving on time today. Well, almost."

They both smile in understanding and then look expectantly towards Kensi. She suddenly has the distinct impression that Deeks isn't exactly known to bring girls by the office.

Deeks clears his throat. "This is Kensi, my…" He trails off in his introduction, suddenly unsure.

"I'm his girlfriend," she speaks up for him. She knows that was what he had wanted to say. They just haven't had the discussion yet.

Both lawyers are friendly as they shake her hand and introduce themselves.

"You found a good one," the woman tells her.

Kensi smiles. "I think so."

They continue on their way out of the building, stopping to say goodnight to Lucy, and reach her car. Marty doesn't say much after leaving his floor.

She wonders if she overstepped by calling herself his girlfriend. She wonders if she should have waited for a discussion.

Once they're both settled in the car he shoots her a smile. "I like that you're my girlfriend," he tells her.

She smiles, both relieved and happy. "Me, too."

00

They pick up Monty and takeout, and head to her place for the night. They eat beside each other on the couch as they watch old recordings from Kensi's DVR. Marty is already an expert in watching America's Next Top Model with her.

When she's finished eating, Kensi sets her carton down on the coffee table and leans back against the couch. She wants to talk to him about his behaviour today; wants to understand what he was worried about. She's just not sure how to bring it up gently.

He glances suspiciously at her. "You okay?"

"You were weird today," she responds. Then she scrunches her nose, annoyed at herself for her bluntness. "It seemed like you didn't want me to come to your office?" She tries to pose her sentence as a question.

He sighs and puts down his own takeout carton. "Part of me didn't," he admits.

She is surprised he has admitted it so easily. She is also wary of why he wouldn't want her near his office. "Why?"

"I know what I do isn't glamourous. But it's what I choose to do. It's not a stepping stone job for me. And in the past, people haven't always understood that."

She nods in understanding. "By people, you mean women."

He nods. "I guess I didn't want to change your perception of me."

"Marty…" She murmurs.

"I'm a lawyer, but I don't make the big bucks. I don't take on rich clients and work out of a fancy office. I don't have the perks of belonging to a firm. It's who I am. And that's not going to change."

"Okay," she says.

"Are you sure? Because in the past…"

"Women have tried to change you?" She finishes for him.

He nods.

She stares at him for a long moment as much of his earlier behaviour now also makes sense. His confidence in meeting her, but then his assumption she wasn't interested when it took a few days to call. His reluctance to show her his office or talk about his work. His habit of always making sure she can opt out of a choice he makes.

"I don't want to change you," she tells him. "I kinda like you the way you are."

He closes the distance between them and kisses her.

She kisses him back for a long moment and then settles against him. "I'm sorry you haven't been accepted before."

He hesitates for a long moment before speaking. "When I was in Law School, I was dating this woman, Laura. Her dad was a lawyer, family was wealthy. I was the scholarship kid." He pauses for a moment and she snakes her arm around his waist, encouraging him to continue. "We were together for over a year. I thought… I thought I was going to marry her. And I was always open about wanting to be a Public Defender. She always laughed, like it was a funny thought to her, but always said she would support me no matter what."

Kensi sighs, knowing where this story is going.

"When it came time to graduate," he continues, "she wanted me to come work with her at her dad's firm. I said no. She accused me of being naïve and all sorts of other things. Asked me how I was going to make a real living that way. Told me… Told me it would embarrass her to be with me if I didn't become a _real_ lawyer."

"Oh, Marty. I'm sorry." She hates the embarrassment and self-deprecation she can see in his eyes. And she hates the woman who caused him to feel that way. Kensi understands all too well how hard it can be to reveal her true self in this world.

"What I do is important to me," he tells her. "I've wanted to help those who need it the most since I was…" He trails of for a moment. "Since I was someone who needed help the most."

Kensi sits up and turns to meet his eyes. He now looks both determined and uncertain. He will not be changing who he is, but he is afraid who he is will make her walk away.

She kisses him. "Thank you for telling me this. And don't worry, I don't expect you to change."

He smiles at her, but it's a somber smile. "There's a lot about my past that…"

She shakes her head. "You don't have to say anymore right now. When you're ready to tell me, I'm ready to listen. I'm a pretty good judge of character, so I know what I'm getting into."

He smiles for real at her. "Well, ditto. You have any skeletons in the closet, and I'm here to listen."

She smiles back at him, hoping that he really means it.


	6. Chapter 6

As the holidays draw near, Kensi finds herself feeling better and better about her relationship with Marty.

She doesn't know much about his past, but she is confident she can handle any skeletons that pop up. The fact that she is seeing someone is now common knowledge at work. Eric offers (half joking, but also half serious) to run a background check. She declines. She trusts Marty and wants to learn things organically.

She knows he didn't grow up with much. He has likened his past to the clients he serves, and has mentioned being on scholarship at school. She knows he was an only child and was raised by his mother. There is a picture of the two of them in his living room, and he speaks highly of the blond woman. Kensi isn't sure if his father was ever in the picture or not, but knows he isn't anymore.

She wonders where he got his drive from. She wonders what parts of his past made him so motivated to help people, to go above and beyond, to become such a good man.

She doesn't have all the answers, but she is looking forward to piecing together the puzzle.

After a quiet week at work, Kensi finds herself having a quiet night in with Marty. Despite her easy week, he has been buried in work. They haven't seen each other since the previous weekend.

She offers to order in, but he wants to cook for her.

She sits on the counter with a glass of wine and smiles as he navigates her kitchen with ease. He is making her lasagne.

"You know, I still think you lied to me."

He pauses in his task of laying down long, thick pieces of pasta into a casserole dish. He looks up at her and raises an eyebrow.

"You said you weren't much of a cook. But so far everything you have made is amazing." She waves her hand towards him. "And you are clearly well practiced in the art of making lasagne."

He smiles and finishes his layer of pasta before standing up and reaching for the bowl of meat he has already prepared. "Well, my mother would disown me if I didn't know how to cook her prize-winning lasagne."

"Prize winning?"

He nods. "Best lasagne in the world."

She snorts a laugh. "I didn't know there was world lasagne competition."

"Oh, there is. Very prestigious in the pasta-dish circles." He finishes with the bowl and reaches for the pasta pieces again.

"You never told me your mother was famous," she jokes.

He laughs. "This was my favourite meal growing up. We couldn't really afford much, but this was something my mom could always make work."

"That's really nice."

He nods. "What was your favourite meal growing up?"

She thinks back to her childhood. "Well, we moved a lot, so I got to try a lot of local dishes. But I guess…" She recalls the many times her father came home from deployment. It makes her smile. "My dad loved to serve his country, and didn't ever complain about the accommodations when he was deployed. But he had a sweet tooth. When my dad would come home from deployment, he'd wake me up in the middle of the night a few times the first week he was home. We'd eat cake or cookies or something at three in the morning. My mom never knew."

"That's a good tradition." Marty smiles. "Also explains your sweet tooth."

She doesn't bother denying it. "I come by it honestly."

"Your dad…is he still serving?"

She sighs at his question. "No. He, uh, he died when I was fifteen."

"I'm sorry," he says immediately.

"It's okay. I have a lot of good memories. We were close."

"Are you close with your mom?"

Kensi sobers at the reminder of the woman who abandoned her family so many years ago. "No," she says softly.

He recognizes he has hit a nerve and backs off.

She watches him quietly as he finishes the layers of the lasagne just in time for the oven to announce it is up to temperature.

Marty puts the casserole dish into the oven and then moves towards her. He steps between her dangling legs. "Sorry if I brought up bad memories."

She shakes her head and then pecks him on the lips. "You didn't know."

His hands find her hips. "I know now. I'll be sensitive to it from now on."

She kisses him again. "You're pretty great, you know?"

He kisses her back. "Oh, I know."

She laughs at his bravado.

"So, this feels like a good segue into something I wanted to ask you…"

She narrows her eyes at him.

He smiles at her and cocks his head. His bangs shift at the movement, displaying more of his forehead than usual. His blue eyes sparkle. "I know we haven't been dating that long, but I'm wondering what your plans are for Christmas?"

She is surprised by his question, even though she knows she shouldn't be. Christmas has become a holiday she has gotten into the habit of ignoring.

"Uh, I don't have plans," she responds.

"Would you want to maybe come over to my place for Christmas dinner? And before you answer, know that there is no pressure. And also, know that my mother will be here."

Meeting his mother sounds like a very big step to Kensi. But the thought of spending the holiday with the man she is feeling more and more certain about by the day is quite appealing. It's been a really long time since she has had anyone special in her life to share things with.

"You really don't have to," Marty offers in her silence.

"I want to," she responds. "And thank you. Christmas with you sounds…really nice."

He smiles at her and his hands move from her hips to the small of her back in an almost hug. "It does sound really nice," he says softly.

She is momentarily overwhelmed and ducks her head forward to rest her forehead against his shoulder. Moving forward with this man scares her, but it's also something she wants to do. And for the first time in a long time, the drive to move forward outweighs the fear. "You're going to have to give me some pointers on making a good impression to your mom. It's been a long time since I've met anyone's parents."

He huffs a laugh and kisses her hair. "Consider it done."

00

A week before Christmas, Kensi finds herself on the fifth hour of stakeout with Sam. Renko is working with them again. He and Callen are undercover as cousins who run a weapon smuggling business together. They are trying to bait a long-time player the LAPD has been trying to take down for years.

Sam receives a text on his phone and sighs when he reads it.

"Everything okay?" Kensi asks.

"Yeah." He puts his phone away. "My wife and I are trying to find this Parker Pony toy for our daughter, but it's sold out everywhere. She heard they got a new shipment at the mall, but they've already all sold."

"Uh oh. You're running out of time."

He shrugs. "I'm sure I'll find it in time."

"Your daughter is lucky that you care so much."

Sam smiles at her. "I'm sure little-Kensi had her daddy wrapped around her little finger. Your dad must have gone above and beyond to make your Christmases special."

She smiles at the memory. "I may have," she hedges. "And he definitely did. Though my requests weren't exactly for popular toys."

"What did little-Kensi ask for growing up?"

"Ammunition to use at the base firing range. Knives. Camping supplies. Camo clothing…" She trails off at Sam's laughter.

"Doesn't surprise me in the least."

"I remember when I was…probably six? I found out the minimum age for enlisting was seventeen. I was pissed. For some reason, I thought it was ten." She rolls her eyes are her much-younger self and exchanges a humorous look with Sam. "Anyway, the thought of waiting another eleven years seemed awful. My dad actual caught me writing an angry letter to, and I quote, _Mr. Marines_."

Sam laughs.

Kensi laughs, too. "Of course, the letter was written with crayons. Not sure how legible it was. I do know my dad kept it for a long time. He always said…" She trails off as her throat suddenly feels thick.

Sam glances at her in concern.

She pushes through. "He used to tease me and threaten to read it at my wedding one day."

Sam offers her an encouraging smile before moving on. "So, little-Kensi wanted to be a marine?"

She nods. "Just like my dad."

"You got close," Sam offers.

Kensi sighs. "Well, things change." She often wonders what her life would be like now had her father not been killed. Would she have enlisted? Would she still have found her way to NCIS?

Sam pauses a moment before changing the subject. "It's nice that you wanted to be like your dad. It's also my greatest fear. I don't want my daughter doing what we do."

She smiles at Sam's sudden protective-dad mode. "Well, you know you can't stop her from doing what she wants when she's grown up."

Sam scoffs. "Tell me about it."

"But it's good that you're making things special for her now. She'll always have good memories to hold onto, no matter what she chooses to do with her life."

He nods and then lifts his phone up again. "We really need to find that pony."

Kensi laughs out loud. "Ask Eric to help you. He can find anything."

"Good idea," he comments while typing a text to Eric. When he is done, he sets his phone down and turns to her again. "So, speaking of Christmas, you spending it with that guy you've been dating?"

Kensi nods.

"Big step."

She nods again. "Yup."

"You ready for it?"

She stretches her neck side to side and then turns to Sam. "I think so. I want to be."

He offers her a smile. "Good. You need something good outside of this job."

Kensi frowns. "You sound like your partner. He said the same thing to me a couple weeks ago."

Sam laughs. "No, he sounds like me. I've been telling him that for years."

She laughs. "Well, at least you know he's listening."

He nods. "You think this guy could be the one?"

Kensi snorts a laugh. "I'm not sure if I believe in 'the one.'"

"You're avoiding my question."

She cocks her head. "I think…there's potential here. I really like him."

"We ever going to get a name?" Sam pushes. It's no secret she has kept Marty's identity a secret.

"Nope."

"Why not?"

She huffs and sends him a look. "You know why. Renko has threatened several times to have Eric run a check on him."

Sam laughs. "Your partner is just looking out for you the best way he knows how."

She smiles at the comment. She knows Renko cares. He's a good partner. "I can take care of myself."

"We know you can. But we still care. We would do this for anyone on the team."

"Callen doesn't date."

"That's a work in progress."

"And do you seriously expect me to believe you run checks on all the women Renko dates?"

Sam chuckles. "Well, no. But that's because I can't keep up with the names. But if any of them seem to become serious, I will do it then."

She eyes him warily before relenting. "His name is Marty."

"Marty," Sam tests the name. "What does he do?"

"He's a lawyer."

"Hmm, wouldn't have guessed that."

She eyes him. "What do you mean?"

"Nothing. I just thought you hated lawyers after Corby tried to kill you," he says, reminding her of the Jag lawyer from two years prior.

She surprises Sam when she smiles. "He's not a typical lawyer."

Sam leaves that part of the conversation behind. "What does he think you do?"

She clears her throat. "I handle high level administrative work for a pharmaceutical company."

He nods. "Of course."

"It's my day-to-day cover with my friends. Because a friend set us up, I have to be consistent."

"At least it's a viable cover already set up if this does last," Sam offers.

She nods as her mood shifts. "Yeah, I said I signed a confidentiality clause, so he never needs to know where I work. And I can explain any last-minute cases with work emergencies I don't have to explain…"

"You don't sound happy," he says.

"Honestly, I'm not. I know what I signed up for with this job. But hiding what I really do long term sounds exhausting."

"You just have to ask yourself if Marty is worth it."

She nods. "I think he is. But then I wonder if I'm really worth it to him? Is it fair to move forward without him knowing who I really am?"

"If he really cares about you, the lie doesn't matter."

She huffs. "Now you sound like Hetty."

"She has good advice. And you need to listen to it. If you really like this guy, and he really likes you, you can't let worrying about hiding this job from him stop you from moving forward."

00

Christmas is amazing.

For the first time since she was a child, Kensi enjoys the holidays.

She joins Marty at a soup kitchen on Christmas Eve, where he volunteers every year. (Because _of course_ he volunteers at a soup kitchen at Christmas).

He spends Christmas morning with his mother, and she joins them early in the afternoon. Roberta Deeks is outspoken and fun, and a little unpredictable. She only makes Kensi feel welcome.

Long after dinner, Roberta retires to the guest room, leaving Kensi and Marty alone. They curl up together on the couch. Across the room, Monty is asleep in his doggy bed beside the Christmas tree. The lights from the tree glitter and twinkle in the otherwise dark room.

Kensi stifles a yawn. She's not ready for the day to be over.

"I had a really good day, today," Marty whispers.

"Me, too." She twists and stretches up to kiss him. "Thank you, for inviting me. It's really nice to have somewhere to be today."

"Thank you for coming. I'm sorry you've been alone before now."

She hears the extra meaning behind his words; the hope that maybe she will also join him next year, and every year after that. Her heart rate speeds up, but not with fear. She wants it, too.

She is reminded of Sam's advice from the week before. She's really starting to believe it's worth moving forward no matter what. She's not hiding who she is. She is just hiding her job.

That shouldn't matter.


	7. Chapter 7

_**As usual, thanks to everyone who is supporting this story. I love reading your comments and thoughts. I've enjoyed reading the theories about the ongoing plot, especially the few conspiracy theories about Deeks being undercover as a lawyer. As much as I love the idea of the double twist, and this it would make an excellent storyline (hint, hint**_ __ _ **), I will go on record to say that is not what is happening here. Deeks really is a lawyer, has never been a cop and is not undercover.**_

 _ **Also, for those who have been asking, the next chapter of ADLS is in the works and should be posted soon.**_

00

After the holidays, things between Kensi and Marty feel more solid. Although they haven't openly discussed it, they both know there is a lot of potential between them and they are both eager to see if this works out.

January is a busy time for them both. Renko joins Kensi and the team full time for the foreseeable future as they juggle multiple cases. Marty has several cases going to court in the near future, and spends a lot of their evenings together reviewing case files for at least a couple hours.

Regardless of their schedules, they find time to spend together. And when they can't see each other, they speak on the phone in the evening and often text during the day. Personal items begin to migrate between their homes. Changes of clothes. Shoes. Toothbrushes. Keys are exchanged. She finds her brand of shampoo in his shower one day, and then goes out to buy his brand to put in her shower. She stocks his favorite cereal, and he always makes sure to have ice cream.

Life is pretty good.

Kensi is reclined on her sofa one evening when Marty arrives. She's watching an old movie about dueling mob families. The special effects are lacking, but the plot is good. She pauses the movie.

"Sorry I'm so late," he says. "This case is never going to end."

She waves off his apology. "It's okay." She knows he has been working hard all week trying to secure a deal for one of his clients.

He collapses onto the couch next to her and leans in for a kiss. "I am so tired."

She snakes an arm around his waist and leans into him. "We'll order dinner, spend the evening on the couch and go to bed early. How does that sound?"

He exhales a long breath. "Amazing."

She presses a kiss to his cheek. "Preference for dinner?"

"Surprise me." He leans back and closes his eyes.

She leaves him on the couch and calls in a pizza order. When she is finished, she sits beside him. He's still reclined against the back of the couch with his eyes closed.

"Twenty to thirty minutes," she tells him.

"Sounds good."

"There's only about twenty minutes left in the movie." She motions towards the screen where the movie is paused mid-shoot out. "Do you want to watch the end with me?"

He opens his eyes and regards the screen for a moment. He shakes his head and moves to stand. "Nah, you go ahead. I do have a few things to review tonight." He moves takes his shoulder bag towards her table.

"Are you sure? I don't mind putting something else on?"

He shoots her a tired smile. "You watch the end of your movie. I don't have much to review, and it would be nice to get it done before dinner so I don't have to worry about it after."

"Okay."

Kensi watches the end of the movie while Marty sits at the table with his back to the television and gets some work done. By the time the pizza arrives, the movie is over. Marty packs up his file while she gets plates out of the cupboards.

"Perfect timing for everything," she comments.

He snags an arm around her as she moves to step past him. He presses a kiss to her temple. "Perfect timing," he echoes.

00

By the end of January, his caseload starts to calm down. They get out to dinner one night, and an art exhibit another.

On a Friday night, they are both (miraculously) free. They have dinner at a nice restaurant and then wander down the street hand-in-hand to the local movie theatre.

While they peruse their choices on the automated ticket machine, Marty points out an animated comedy.

Kensi agrees that it looks good, but a war movie catches her attention.

"How about this one?" She points to the description on the screen.

His expression darkens, though he tries to hide it with a smile. "I don't really like those kinds of movies."

"Okay," she says quickly. She honestly doesn't care what they see, but his reaction unsettles her. Normally, even if he voices his disinterest in something, he combines it with telling her that if she wants to he'll do it anyway. "Animated jungle animals, here we come."

Nothing more is said about Marty's strange reaction. He makes fun of her ability to eat a large bag of popcorn right after eating dinner. She pretends to be annoyed, but shares her red vines when he kisses her. The movie is funny, as expected.

00

The next day, they spend the evening at his house. She cuddles with Monty while Marty peruses NetFlix.

"Ah, how about this?" He asks for her opinion.

Kensi glances at the screen and is confused when she sees a zombie-apocalypse movie selected. It's totally the kind of fake, overacted movie she enjoys, but after the previous day, she thinks he won't.

"Are you sure you'll like it?" She asks carefully. She knows he's prone to making concessions for her and she doesn't want him to do so.

He shoots her a genuine smile. "Of course. These movies are great."

She nods her agreement.

They watch the movie together, laughing at the fake parts and cringing when characters they were rooting for get 'turned.'

It's midnight when the movie ends. Kensi ponders bringing up Marty's movie choices to better understand what he does and does not like. She considers how to bring it up as she carries their dirty plates to the kitchen and puts them in the sink.

Before she can say anything to him, he wraps an arm around her waist and presses his lips to hers. Her thoughts disappear as her own hands find purchase on his shoulders. He moves them back to the living room where they make out on the couch for a while, before moving to the bedroom. All thoughts of movie preferences are gone from her mind.

00

On Sunday morning, they sleep in and then share a late breakfast. Sitting across from Marty, eating the bacon and eggs they had prepared together, Kensi almost doesn't say anything. She wants to let it go, but she can't. She still recalls the darkened expression on his face at the movie theatre. She doesn't want to pry, but she needs to better understand Marty's movie preferences.

"That was a good movie last night," she comments.

He nods. "It was fun."

"For the future, what types of movies do you not like?" She cringes internally, wishing she could be more tactful.

He regards her carefully for a moment.

She bites her lip at his hesitation and then continues. "I thought, you know, you didn't like violent movies, because you didn't want to see the war movie Friday night. But the movie last night was pretty graphic. Is it the more realistic graphic movies you don't like?"

He sets his fork down on his plate and sighs. His eyes darken as his expression changes. It's the same expression he had at the movie theatre, only this time he is not trying to hide it from her.

Kensi is quick to shake her head. "We don't have to talk about it."

He takes a breath and then slowly releases it with his cheeks puffed out. It is a move that Kensi has learned means he is calming himself.

"No, it's okay," he tells her. "You deserve to know."

His words surprise her. The back of her neck begins to tingle as she is suddenly aware that whatever it is they are about to discuss is about a lot more than movie preferences.

"It's not the violence," he admits. "It's the guns."

Kensi swallows hard as she absorbs her surprise. Whatever she had expected to get out of him, this is not it. The tingle on the back of her neck starts to feel a bit like dread.

Marty takes another breath. And then he tells her about his dad.

"My father was a really bad guy. He pushed my mom and me around. When I was eleven, he almost killed us with a shotgun. And he would have killed us, but I shot him first."

Her breath catches. "Marty…"

"He lived, but not by much." He shakes his head. "I did what I had to do to protect my mom and me. But it still… It haunts me. Having that much control over someone else's life. It doesn't matter how much time has passed. I can still remember him lying there, bleeding and struggling to breathe." He pauses and swallows hard. She can see his Adam's apple working hard in his throat. She wants to tell him he can stop talking, but she can't find the words.

His voice is timid, but he continues. "There was blood everywhere and it was…warm. It was on my clothes…and my hands…" He wrings his hands in his lap and then lifts his eyes to meet hers. " _I_ did that to him. You have no idea what it feels like to know you've aimed a gun at someone and pulled the trigger. That's more power than one person should have. It…stays with you."

Kensi fights against her surprise to keep her face a careful mask. Because she _does_ know what it is like to aim a gun at another person and pull the trigger. It's her job to carry a gun and use it when necessary. She's taken lives when the situation required it, and she knows she'll probably take more. It's what she needs to do to keep people safe. Marty just doesn't know that. He's a normal guy who was traumatized by the experience at the tender age of eleven. She doesn't know how to approach this situation.

"It's not that I can't watch those movies," he continues. I don't have flashbacks or panic attacks or anything like that. I just don't want the reminder, you know? I don't ever want to feel like that again. I spent a lot of time getting past that part of my life. And I'm happy where I am now."

She clears her throat, still thrown off. "That makes sense."

"I'm a lawyer and I believe in the second amendment. But, personally, I don't like guns and I don't want to see them." He pauses and meets her eyes. He looks vulnerable and worried. "So, that's me. That's what I had to do. I understand if this changes things for you."

His words are honest and open. They are also well practiced. He has clearly given this speech before. And his expression tells her it hasn't gone well in the past.

Her heart aches for him.

She reaches across the table and waits for him to place his hand in hers. It gives her an extra few seconds to figure out what she is going to say.

His past doesn't concern her, but it makes her suddenly wonder if he would still choose her if he knew the truth about her job.

"I'm so sorry that happened to you," she offers quietly. "I'm sorry you were forced to do that. No child should have to protect themselves in that way, especially from a parent."

She wants to talk about his statement about guns. She wants to discuss his thoughts. But she has no idea where to start.

She had let herself believe the lie wouldn't matter. But it clearly _does_ matter. Because she is a federal agent who carries a gun (usually two) and uses it regularly. She has shot people and she has killed people. And he doesn't like guns.

She isn't concerned with his views, but she doubts his acceptance of her if he knew the truth. She thinks her job is probably a deal breaker.

She has no idea how they move forward now.

With a cleansing breath, Kensi offers him a supportive smile. "No movies with guns for the future," she assures him, though she suddenly doubts they can share much of a future.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Before reading this chapter, make sure you read chapter 7. It took me several attempts to post it, and I'm not sure alerts went out to everyone.**_

00

"Okay, what is going on with you?" Renko asks. It's late in the day on Thursday and the case that has kept the team busy all week has finally settled. They are driving back to the Mission together.

"Nothing," she snaps.

"You've been moody all week. Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

"Come on, Kensi, talk to me."

She ignores him.

"Kensi," he prompts. When she stays silent, he continues with, "Kensi, Kensi, Kensi…"

"Michael, Michael, Michael," she retorts.

Renko makes a show of shuddering. "Please, don't ever call me Michael again. Only my mother calls me Michael. And only when I'm in trouble. Brings back memories of my teenage years. _Michael Renko! What did you do this time?_ " He says with a high pitched female voice.

Despite herself and her mood, Kensi smiles and feels herself engage in the conversation. "I guess you got in trouble a lot."

"Not that much. I was a good kid," he says.

She raises an eyebrow.

"Okay, fine," he hedges, "I got in trouble all the time. It was practically my middle name."

"So, Michael Trouble Renko…"

He laughs. " _Mike_ Trouble Renko."

She scrunches her nose. "I'm still going to call you Renko."

"I wouldn't expect anything less, partner." He shoots her a smile. "So, you want to talk about what's got you all moody?"

She sighs. "No."

"Did you break up with the guy?"

"I said I don't want to talk about it."

He is silent for a moment and she thinks he has let it go. She is wrong.

"Look, Kensi, _partner_ , I just want to help. I'm not trying to pry. I'm just worried."

She glances at him and then back to the road.

"I care," he continues. "And I'm your partner. And even if you don't want to talk about it, I want to take you out for drinks to make you feel better."

"I thought you were seeing that girl tonight? Megan?"

He waves his hand. "For you, I'll cancel."

"That's very chivalrous of you."

His voice turns quite serious. "I'm your partner, Kensi. That means you come first."

She sighs. "I didn't break up with Marty. But I think I have to." Her eyes sting, but she prides herself on keeping her voice even. She has not had a good week. She has begged off seeing Marty since Sunday, blaming work. She has spent her nights on the couch with a bottle of beer and trashy television, drowning her sorrows, and often ignoring the tears in her eyes.

She really likes Marty, but this isn't fair to him. If she could tell him the truth about her job, she's sure he wouldn't be so certain of her.

"I'm sorry," Renko offers.

"Yeah, me too."

"You seemed to really like him."

"I do like him."

"And you've been seeing him for a while."

She nods. "More than three months."

"That's a long time for you. And you like him. So, what's the problem?"

"Me. I'm the problem."

He shoots her a smile. "I don't see how that is possible. You seem great. And super easy to date. Not at all neurotic or crazy."

She half-laughs before sobering. "He thinks I work for a pharmaceutical company; that I have a nice, normal, albeit busy, job."

"Okay. But that's pretty standard. We all have to lie. It's not easy, but-"

She cuts him off. "He hates guns and everything to do with them."

Renko exhales. "Oh."

She nods. "He told me on the weekend. He had…a bad experience when he was a kid. Now he doesn't want anything to do with them because they remind him of his childhood."

"That complicates things."

"It's not fair to him to keep seeing him when he doesn't know the truth about me."

"Okay, but is it fair to break up with him without him knowing the real reason?"

Kensi runs a hand through her hair. Renko's question is the same question that has been plaguing her mind all week. "I think it's more fair. I know I can't tell him, but if he knew the truth-"

"I disagree," he cuts her off. "You've been with him for three months. Something is clearly working. You've clearly developed feelings," he acknowledges. "And you're pretty awesome, so I'm sure he has feelings, too."

Kensi feels her eyes sting again, but blinks back tears. She _has_ developed feelings. She doesn't trust her voice in this moment so she stays silent.

"I think that means something," Renko continues. "You are more than just this job, Kensi. And you deserve to be happy. If this thing with Marty is real, then it will work out."

They are both silent for several moments.

Kensi sniffs. "I didn't realize you were such a closet romantic."

Renko laughs. "Don't tell Callen and Sam."

She joins him in laughing. "Got your back, partner."

00

By Friday night, Kensi can't avoid Marty anymore. She has taken Renko's advice to heart, but she still doesn't know the best course of action. Part of her wants to put a smile on her face and move forward with Marty. But the other part of her wonders what he would want if he knew the truth about her. She wonders if ending things now would be better than dragging things out, because it will only hurt more later.

She drives to Marty's house for dinner, not sure if this will be the last time.

He greets her at the door. He is happy to see her, but she can tell he is concerned, too.

She hates the vulnerable look in his eyes, and she hates that she's the reason for it. She snakes her arms around his waist and hugs him close. He is warm and his tee shirt is soft against her cheek. She tightens her grip around him as a lump grows in her throat. She really, really likes him. He has filled a void in her life. He has made her happy and hopeful for the future, and she wants that future so desperately. She doesn't want to lose him.

He is silent as he hugs her back. His hand runs up and down her spine.

"I'm sorry I haven't been around this week," she tells him.

"It's okay," he says quickly. "What we talked about last weekend was a lot. You're allowed to avoid me."

She wants to argue that she wasn't really avoiding him, but she knows that would be a lie. He just doesn't understand why she has been avoiding him. She needs to make him understand as best she can.

"I also know my past may be too much," he continues. "It has been before. So, if it's too much for you, I'm giving you an out. No judgment, no hard feelings."

She pulls back far enough to meet his eyes. They are dark blue and shimmering with just a thin layer of unshed tears. She has never seen him so vulnerable. And she hates the acceptance in his eyes. He truly believes he is not worth understanding. He believes he and his past are too much for her. And he believes that is okay.

It makes her angry at the women before her who he opened up to, just to have his heart broken.

She had promised herself before to do better with him. And she really wants to rid him of the haunted look in his eyes.

Kensi doesn't want to walk away. She doesn't want to lose him.

"I don't want an out," she whispers, ignoring the tears welling in her own eyes. She reaches up to cup his jaw with her right hand. "What happened to you when you were a child was not your fault. And what you did shows how strong and good you are. Don't ever forget that."

He nods. "Okay."

Kensi takes a breath. "Your past doesn't worry me," she tells him.

"But something does," he surmises.

She nods. "Yes. It's not about you." She pauses and releases a bitter laugh at the newest cliché she has created for herself. _It's not you, it's me._ "I'm not…who you think I am," she starts, her mind reeling for the words to continue. She can't tell him everything, but she needs to tell him as much as possible. "And I need to give you the chance to walk away, too."

He scoffs and reaches towards her, but she holds up her hand to stop him.

"I need you to know that I don't share your views. I don't hate guns. And I'm never going to." It's not eloquent, and it doesn't say the full extent of what she knows needs to be said, but it's a start.

He exhales slowly. "I don't expect you to adopt my views, Kensi. I know they're extreme and based on my childhood memories. And it's not guns themselves, it's the reminder of the way I felt when I-"

"I know that. But it's not just that I don't hate them." She's not sure how to explain her expertise with guns. Then she thinks of where it started. And she thinks of her father. "Hell, Marty, I have my father's sniper rifle in my house."

He considers her for a long moment. "Your father was a hero, Kensi. I can't say I like knowing there's a gun in your house, but I would never ask you to get rid of it or anything. I just wouldn't want to see it."

"Are you sure?" She can't tell him everything, but she can make clear her stance and share stories from her own childhood. "Because I need you to be sure. My dad's sniper rifle was a part of him. It's important to me. And I know how to use it."

Marty sits up a little straighter at her words.

"My dad taught me to shoot," she tells him. And she's able to be comforted by the fact that what she is telling him is not a lie. Her childhood is where her experience with weapons began. "It's something we did together. When I was a teenager, I spent a lot of my weekends at the base firing ranges."

Marty is still silent.

"I understand and respect your views," she tells him. "But I also know we're still getting to know each other, so if my experiences and views are too much for you…"

He offers her a thin smile. "You're offering me an out," he finishes for her.

She feels the familiar prickle of tears in her eyes again. She has to give him an out, even if she desperately doesn't want him to take it. She blinks hard and nods towards Marty. "There's a lot we don't know about each other…and there's a lot you don't know about me."

Marty steps forward and reaches for both her hands. "I can accept you and your views if you can accept me and mine."

"Are you sure? I mean, really sure? Because-"

"I'm sure. I like you, Kensi. A lot. This doesn't change my mind about you." He cups her face and then kisses her before she can say a word. When he pulls back from the kiss, he takes a deep breath. "I'm falling for you, Kensi. Nothing is going to change my mind."

Her heart thuds hard in her chest, and she can feel his heart matching hers through his chest. He's offering her a future. He's offering her everything she has always wanted.

She takes her own deep breath, breathing in their shared air. And then she just can't fight it anymore. She smiles and reaches up to run her hand through his hair. "I'm falling for you, too," she whispers.

He ducks his head and kisses her again, harder this time. She kisses him back and moves easily with him when he tugs her towards the bedroom.


	9. Chapter 9

_**This chapter starts at the end of the Blye, K episodes. These are the episodes where Kensi finds out what really happened to her dad, and reconnects with her mother. I will not be adding much explanation in the chapter so if you haven't seen the episodes and want to fully understand the plot, I would recommend you google a detailed explanation. (I also recommend that you watch the episodes because they're great.**_ _ **)**_

* * *

Kensi grips tightly to the journal Granger has just gifted her with as she makes her way into the bullpen. The leather is soft and worn under her fingers. Despite the craziness of the day and all the new information swirling in her mind, it calms her to know that her dad once held this same journal.

"Welcome back," Callen tells her.

Kensi nods towards her team leader. She has spent most of the day apart from the team. But she knows they were fighting for her the whole time. They never believed she was to blame for the deaths of the men from her father's unit. They had her back when it mattered the most. And they helped her finally find out the truth about her father's death.

"How does it feel?" Sam asks.

Kensi takes a breath. Hetty had asked her the same thing. She still doesn't have an answer. "People keep asking me that," she says.

"That tends to happen when they care about you," Callen tells her.

"I don't really know how I feel yet," she says. "But I know that things will never be the same for me." No more wondering what had really happened to her father. His death had been such a pivotal moment in her life. Fighting for the truth has driven her for years. "It's strange."

"It's a good thing," Sam says.

She lets herself smile. "Yeah." There's been a lot of good in her life lately.

Callen and Sam leave her to her thoughts.

She sits at her desk, still clutching her father's old sniper journal in her hands. She hasn't opened it yet. She's not sure how she will react to her father's deepest thoughts.

"There you are," her partner calls as he joins her in the bullpen. "Did you have a good day? I hope so, because I had a pretty stressful day…"

Kensi rolls her eyes in good humour, knowing Renko is baiting her.

"First, my partner was accused of murder." He holds up one finger. "Then she was taken into custody." Two fingers. " _Then_ she escaped from custody and went on the run-" He holds up a third finger as she cuts him off.

"I was not on the run."

He ignores her and holds up a fourth finger. "Then she got shot-"

"In the vest," she cuts in.

"Then she disappeared again," Renko continues, still ignoring her and now holding up all five fingers of one hand. He pauses for a moment before giving up on counting on his fingers and waves his hand. "Then she beat up some guy who was following her. Then I briefly found her, only to be asked to take her mother into protective custody while she disappeared _again_. Then she almost died twice in two different setups."

"You done?" She asks.

Renko offers her a smile. "It's a good thing she's an awesome partner," he concludes. "Otherwise she wouldn't be worth all this drama."

She nods towards him and smiles. "Thank you for everything you did today."

"Thank for not being a murderer," he counters. "And also for not dying. I wouldn't want to have to train another partner."

She scoffs, but she's also laughing. "You didn't train me. I trained you."

Renko echoes her scoff. "Well, that's just not true."

Kenso rolls her eyes again, but sobers quickly. "In all seriousness, Renko, thank you. You went above and beyond today."

"Partners," he responds. "You'd do the same for me."

"I would," she agrees.

"Just promise me one thing? No more running off to go it alone. My heart can't take the stress." He makes a show of laying his hand over his chest.

"I'll do my best," she promises.

"Good." He nods towards her. "You good?"

"I think so."

"You get yourself checked out yet?"

"I don't need to," she says. "I'm fine."

"You took a sniper round to the vest," he counters.

"And I walked away. I'm fine."

Renko mutters something under his breath, but lets it go. "I dropped your mom off at home. Hetty pulled some strings to get the house cleaned up right away for her."

Kensi inhales slowly at the reminder of her mother's sudden reappearance in her life. "That's good," she says evenly.

"You going to go see her?"

Kensi feels her shoulders raise. She doesn't like being pushed. "I don't know."

"She seemed pretty cool," Renko offers.

Kensi thinks back to her childhood; before her mother left and her father died. She had always been a daddy's girl, but she and her mom had still been close. Julia would take her someplace special when her father was deployed. They spent evenings playing board games and watching girly movies. Her mom _had_ been cool.

But then she left. And for fifteen years, Kensi believed her mother had left for another man. The information Julia had relayed to the team today was new and Kensi wasn't sure how to process it; that Julia had known the truth about Donald Byle's work and hadn't been able to live with it. She had created a reason to leave that made herself look like the bad guy. And when Kensi had picked her father, Julia had sacrificed her own relationship with her daughter to allow Kensi to keep seeing her father in the same light.

"She was cool," Kensi agrees with her partner. "But she gave up so much for me, and I never gave her the chance to explain. I don't know how to apologize for that."

Renko considers her for a long moment and then shrugs. "I don't either." He reaches forward and squeezes her shoulder. "Whatever you choose, we'll all be here to support you."

"Thanks," she brushes off his support.

He squeezes her shoulder again. "I mean it, Kensi. We're all here for you. I'm here for you."

She ducks her head for a moment and then nods. She's come a long way since she was the teenager with no one in her life. But after chasing ghosts of her dad's past all day, she's grateful for the reminder. "Thank you, Renko. Really."

He releases her shoulder. "Take care of yourself, partner. I won't try to make you go to the hospital…mostly because I know I can't make you do anything you don't want to do…"

Kensi laughs at her partner's joke.

"But make sure you take care of yourself. Better yet, go get that boy of yours to take care of you."

00

Kensi gets in her car, but doesn't want to go home. Marty is in court this week and is spending his evenings reviewing his case. She doesn't want to bother him, anyway. She drives around aimlessly for close to an hour before she ends up at the beach.

The air is cold, but she ignores it as she sits on the sand and opens her father's journal. Instead of traditional entries, she finds dozens of letters penned to herself. Her eyes fill with tears as she reads her father's narrative of his life, his love for her and his thoughts about her future. His words are so true that she can hear his voice speaking them in her mind.

She is so comforted by his words, but also filled with so much _want_.

She misses her father, and she misses her parents and the family she had once known. She wants desperately to have it back.

She leaves the beach and drives to her mother's house. She can't bring back her father, but maybe she can mend her relationship with her mother.

Kensi parks across the street from the house. The light in living room is still on. Kensi wonders if her mother is waiting for her. She turns off the ignition, but can't bring herself to open the door and get out.

She tells herself she just needs a minute.

A minute becomes an hour, and then two.

The light in the living room of the house across the street turns off. She is not sure if she feels regret for waiting so long or relief for having an excuse not to get out of her car, walk across the street and knock on the door.

She takes a deep breath and then turns the car on and drives away from her mother's house.

Kensi feels rocked by all three discoveries of the day; the truth about her father's death, that her father was basically a government controlled assassin, and that the grudge she held against her mother for fifteen years was for naught.

She is halfway home when she realizes she doesn't want to be alone. Renko's words echo inside her head. After so many years of solitude and independence, the knowledge that she not only doesn't want to be alone, but doesn't have to be alone, is still startling. But not necessarily in a bad way.

She changes direction and sets off for Marty's house.

The lights are still on when she arrives, but she still knocks quietly on the front door instead of letting herself in.

She hears shuffling on the other side of the door before it is pulled open.

Marty offers her her a smile when his eyes land on her. He cocks his head. "Hey, are you okay?"

She tries to offer him a reassuring smile, but it falls flat when tears spring to her eyes once more. "No," she whispers.

"Come here." He pulls her into the house and into his arms.

Kensi closes her hand around a fistful of his tee shirt as she tucks her face into the crook of his neck. Her other hand snakes around his waist.

For a long moment, Marty hugs her close and says nothing.

"I'm sorry to just show up," she whispers against him. "I know you have court this week. I won't stay-"

"Of course you'll stay," he cuts her off. "You're always welcome here, Kens. Always."

His kind words only make her cry harder. It's been so long since she has felt truly welcome.

He holds her close and runs his hand up and down her spine and lets her cry out her emotions. He doesn't push her to talk or ask her what is wrong.

When she finally gains control of her emotions, he tugs her to the couch and keeps her close.

"You want to talk about it?"

She leans into his comfort. "I had a really bad day."

He huffs out a laugh. "Yeah, I could kind of tell."

She feels her chest hitch with a hint of laughter. He always makes her feel better so easily.

"Anything particularly bad about today?" He presses.

She wants to tell him about her mother's sudden reappearance in her life, but she doesn't know how to explain her father's murder and her role in the investigation. She considers making up a story, but she doesn't want to lie to him.

He presses a kiss to the side of her head in her hesitation. "You don't have to talk about it, Kensi."

She nods and turns her head to kiss him on the lips. "Thank you for not pushing. I just don't know how…"

"Do you need anything? Are you hungry?"

She feels her lips quirk at the confirmation that he knows to offer her food as comfort. "I think I got everything I need and more," she tells him quietly.

He takes a breath and then exhales slowly. "I'm glad you came here tonight, to me."

"Me, too." She reaches to runs her fingers through his messy hair. Her heart swells in her chest, overwhelmed with her feelings for this wonderful man. "I love you, Marty."

"Oh, Kens," he murmurs. He rests his forehead to hers with a sigh. "I love you, too."

Kensi closes her eyes and allows herself to forget about the horrible and confusing day she has just experienced. She lets herself just be in the moment with the man she loves.

Eventually he pulls back and pecks her on the lips. He stands and holds his hand out to her. "You must be exhausted."

She takes his hand and stands, but hesitates in following him to his bedroom. "You have court…"

Marty waves his hand towards the files that are neatly stacked on his kitchen table. "I'm done reviewing the case for the night. And there's no way I'm letting you leave tonight." He says the words gently, but she can read the seriousness in his tone. He is worried about her. He also knows her well enough to expect her to want to leave.

"Okay, I'll stay," she agrees, smiling at the look of surprise on his face. "But only because I love you."

He smiles back at her and kisses her before leading the way to the bedroom. It's late and they are both exhausted. Neither make any move to do anything more than sleep.

Kensi strips down to her underwear and pulls a tee shirt out of Marty's second drawer. She is just pulling it over her head when he stops her.

"What happened?" He says, suddenly close. His hands find her hips and his head ducks down, focusing on her ribcage.

She had forgotten about the injury in her emotional turmoil. The reminder now causes the pain to flare to life.

"Kensi, this looks really bad. Are you okay?" He looks up from his inspection and meets her eyes. His are filled with concern.

Kensi pastes a fake smile to her lips as she internally chastises herself for being so forgetful. She doesn't even have a cover story prepared to explain the dark bruise spreading across her ribcage. "It's fine. Not as bad as it looks." She makes a show of looking down and wincing. "I actually didn't realize it looked so bad."

"What happened?"

"I had a clumsy moment," she makes up. There's no way she can tell him she got shot in the vest. "I tripped and fell sideways into the corner of a lab table."

He runs his hand upwards from her hip to the bottom border of the bruising.

She holds her breath, waiting for more pain. But his touch is light and warm, offering comfort instead of pressure.

"I guess this was part of your bad day," he says.

"Yeah."

He removes his hand, allowing her to finish pulling the shirt on.

"And you're sure you're okay?"

"I'm sure."

"Can I get you some ibuprofen?"

Kensi's first instinct is to shake her head and tell him she's not in much pain. She hates admitting to weakness. But she cried in his arms less than an hour ago and he _loves_ her anyway. "That would be awesome, actually."

He pecks her on the cheek before leaving the room, off to fetch her pain killers and water.

She smiles after him, but the smile quickly falls away. She hates lying to him. She wants to tell him the truth about her life and her job. She wants to be able to tell him what really happened today. She wants to be able to open up to him as fully as he has done to her.

For now, however, all she can do is be herself with him and lie about the little things. And hope the little things don't add up to become too big.

* * *

 _ **Just a quick note to address some comments, especially those which mention concern that Kensi hasn't told Deeks the truth about her job yet. Keep in mind in the show, they have only known each other 3-4 months (at the time of chapter 8), and Kensi is in a job where they are expected to keep secrets. Kensi struggled with keeping secrets/lying early in the series, and this was a theme I wanted to explore further.**_


	10. Chapter 10

_**Just to address a few comments/questions;**_

 _ **To Guest (French Fan) from chapter 9 – This is still to come.**_

 _ **To Guest (Cheryl) from chapter 9 – I definitely know being shot with a sniper round in the vest is not a little thing. This is something that happened to Kensi in the Blye, K episodes. I included it because it demonstrates the difference in her partnership with Renko. She works well with Renko, but he's not Deeks. She didn't let Renko help with her injury. In both the show and this story, she did let Deeks help.**_

 _ **To all readers who may not be aware of this – the comment about 'the lie won't matter' is actually a Hetty comment. It was said very earlier in the Kensi/Deeks partnership on the show.**_

 _ **To several readers who have addressed concerns about Kensi continuing to keep a secret, especially after Deeks has opened up (especially justareader07, who left a very nice review of constructive criticism) – Yes, Kensi is keeping a really big secret. And yes, there will be certain issues when Deeks finds out. But Kensi is doing the best she can right now. She didn't go on the blind date expecting to fall in love. But she has, and she's trying to juggling her new relationship with her work responsibilities. As I said upfront in the first chapter, the story is about the struggle to keep secrets. It's also tagged as 'angst' for a reason. I'm trying to write a realistic interaction between our two favourite characters in this different world.**_

 _ **Should Kensi tell him right away? Yes, probably.**_ _ **She seriously debated breaking up with him because she knows it isn't fair to him. But she doesn't want to lose him. She's human.**_

 _ **Will Deeks find out, immediately be fine, and they'll ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after? No. Because they're human. But they're both attached.**_

 _ **I enjoy the reviews/PMs of readers who are invested in the story, I really do. And I ALWAYS welcome constructive criticism. Before I started posting, I had written to a 'certain' point. Once we get to that point, I will definitely be able to incorporate suggestions about what you want to see next.**_

* * *

Kensi sits back from her computer and stretches her back. Then she bends her neck side to side, stretching out the tension of the day.

She's been partnerless for almost three weeks now; since Renko was recalled to work an undercover assignment. As much as she and Renko joke with each other, she enjoys having him as a partner when he is working with the team. She can trust and count of him. After he'd been working with them for so long, she'd really hoped he'd be assigned permanently. On days like today, she is reminded just how much she relies on her partner.

"How is the report going, my dear?" Hetty asks.

Kensi is surprised at her boss's sudden appearance beside her desk, but stifles any reaction. She has grown accustomed to being surprised.

"Almost finished," she says.

"That's good. I know the last few weeks have been even busier than usual. But you have handled the added strain admirably."

Kensi allows herself a small smile. "Thanks, Hetty."

"I had hoped we would find you a permanent partner by now."

"Me, too." She pauses before continuing, "It's nice when Renko is here."

"Mr. Renko is a good agent," Hetty says. "You two work well as partners. If I could have him here all the time, I would. And I thought I had a good chance of keeping him here. The request to have him off on assignment came from above my head."

"Maybe one day," Kensi offers.

"I like to think it's a strong possibility." Hetty smiles. "This job is stressful. Having someone to count on is important."

"If you're worried about me, I'm okay. Callen and Sam make sure I'm backed up."

"I was referring to your mental wellbeing, someone to help with the stress of this job," Hetty tells her. "But I guess you have that with your lawyer friend."

Kensi smiles at the reminder of the man she is spending so much of her time with. Her life feels so different than it had before she met him. He _does_ help with the stress of her job.

"I guess I do," Kensi answers.

"You've been seeing him for quite some time now."

"Little more than five months," Kensi responds. She's not keeping track, but she's also not _not_ keeping track.

"I'm happy for you, Kensi," Hetty tells her. "Mr. Deeks seems to be a wonderful young man."

"He is," she answers, before furrowing her brow. She cocks her head as she meets Hetty's eyes. "I've never told anyone here his last name."

Hetty smiles. "I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't keep track of my agents."

"You ran a background check?" She asks, though it's not really a question.

"Of course." Hetty nods. When Kensi does not respond, she continues. "Do you want to know what I found?"

Kensi shakes her head. She doesn't hesitate when she says, "I trust him."

"I'm glad you have found someone to trust, Kensi. I know how difficult trust can be for you." She offers Kensi a moment to process. "For the record, I am impressed with your Mr. Deeks. He could have made an excellent agent."

Kensi laughs, but sobers quickly. Knowing Hetty, Kensi is sure the older women knows about Marty's past with his father. "He doesn't like guns," she says quietly.

Hetty offers only a nod and a, "hmm."

Kensi sighs before continuing. "He doesn't like the reminder of his childhood. I've told him my views, told him about my own childhood on base…" She trails off for a moment. "We're good, you know? He says he can accept me if I can accept him. But he doesn't really know what he's accepting. I know you always say if someone loves you then the lie doesn't matter, but it feels like it might matter. It might matter a lot."

Things have been amazing with Marty lately. They are moving forward together and their relationship feels strong. She wants a future with him, but every time she thinks forward to the future, she feels dread that either she'll have to lie forever or he'll find out the truth and he won't be part of her future. "It might matter too much," she adds.

Hetty considers her for a moment. "What are you going to do about that?"

It's a question Kensi has asked herself a thousand times. And she thinks she's come to an answer. She loves Marty, and he deserves to know everything about her. He's opened himself up to her, and she hasn't been able to do the same. The last thing she wants is to lose him, but she knows this isn't fair to him, and she can't keep moving forward knowing that.

Kensi takes a breath and meets Hetty's eyes.

Hetty considers her for a long moment before responding. "You are a good judge of character, Ms. Blye. I like to think the lie won't matter, but who am I to give out relationship advice?" Hetty offers her a smile. "I will leave it up to you to rely on that good judgment of yours."

00

The next day, Kensi stares at herself in the mirror as she gets ready to go out.

Her forehead is creased, and it makes her frown even more. Now that she has Hetty's go-ahead to tell Marty the truth, she feels both relief and more anxiety.

Because _how do you tell the man you've been with nearly half a year that you're a special agent who carries and uses the guns he despises_?

She doesn't have any answer yet, but it's weighing heavily on her mind. She knows she needs to do it right. She needs to plan it well.

And she knows she needs to be okay if he walks away.

She sighs and runs a hand through her hair. She doesn't like thinking about a life that doesn't have Marty in it.

There is movement in the hallway, and her eyes flicker away from herself in the mirror. They catch on the reflection of Marty walking into her bedroom.

"You just about ready?" He asks as he shuffles up behind her.

His arms snake around her waist and his chin comes to rest on her shoulder. He smiles at her through the mirror.

Kensi leans back with a smile. "I think so."

"You look beautiful," he says, waggling his eyebrows at her in the mirror.

She laughs at his antics. "Thank you." She turns in his arms and meets his eyes directly. Her hands rest on his shoulders. "You look pretty good yourself, mister."

"Yeah?"

She nods. "Yeah. So good, in fact, that maybe we should just stay here…" She makes a show of running her hands down his chest to the waistband of his jeans. She tugs at the material of his blue button down.

He plays along for a moment, allowing her to untuck his shirt. "As much as I love the idea of _staying here_ , don't you think Mindy will miss us?"

She shakes her head at the mention of the friend who had set them up. "Nope. Not at all. There will be so many people at her party that she won't even notice we're not there."

He nods, pretending to consider her answer. "It's funny that you say that, because wasn't it you complaining all week that she was going to parade us around?"

She scrunches her nose. "She's so smug."

He chuckles and pecks her on the lips. "She's just happy for us."

She raises an eyebrow.

"Okay," he concedes. "She's like ninety percent happy, and ten percent smug."

She continues to stare him down.

He laughs. "Okay, more like sixty-forty."

"Yeah, sixty percent smug," she mutters.

He kisses her again. "She's allowed to be smug. I'm happy she has reason to be smug."

She feels her heart tug. "Me, too." This time she reaches up to kiss him. "Speaking of being happy, I'm happy you came to pick me up, but you know you didn't have to. Mindy lives closer to you. This was out of your way. I could have just met you there."

He presses close to her, his hands on her hips. "Yes, but if we showed up in separate cars, how would I convince you to come home with me?"

She laughs and shakes her head, but smiles. "Excellent point."

He pecks her on the lips one more time before releasing her. He moves to re-tuck in his shirt.

Kensi stares at him for a moment, overwhelmed with how happy and comfortable she is with this wonderful man her friend set her up with almost half a year earlier. He's brought so much joy and laughter to her life.

He catches her eyes and offers a questioning look.

"I really love you, you know that?"

His expression softens. When he speaks, his voice is thick with emotion. "I really do know," he tells her.

She watches him swallow hard, and says nothing. She knows to let him process his feelings. She knows how lonely and hurt he has been before.

She knows he's as invested in her and she is in him.

She knows just how important it is she tell him the truth, and tell him well. Because she has the power to make or break both of them.

* * *

 _ **AN: A little shorter than normal. Next chapter is mostly ready to go. I could probably be convinced to hurry up and post it sooner.**_


	11. Chapter 11

_**Wow! Thanks for an amazing response. If I keep getting responses like that, I'll have to start writing faster…**_

 _ **AN: Working knowledge of the Sans Voir and Endgame episodes (season three finale and season four premiere) are strongly encouraged. There are spoilers for these episodes in this chapter.**_

* * *

One moment Kensi is standing in the parking lot of the shooting range joking with her partner.

In the next moment, Renko falls to the ground.

And in the moment after that, Kensi hears the shot.

The team covers them as she presses her hand to Renko's jaw. Blood surges around her fingers, barely slowed.

She breathes hard as she mumbles words of reassurance to her wide-eyed partner. Her brain reels to process what has happened. She's not sure how she's gone from worried about her partner's undercover status, to relieved the team has him out safely, to having his blood coating her fingers.

When the scene is clear, she rides with her barely conscious partner to the hospital. She holds his hand as he blinks up at her, unable to speak. There is fear and pain in his eyes. She whispers words of comfort and tells him he's going to be fine. As he loses conscious, she promises to be there when he wakes up.

But he never does wake up.

He survives surgery, only to go into cardiac arrest while in recovery. Kensi stands in the hallway while the doctors and nurses fight unsuccessfully to save his life.

She feels numb when she returns to Ops alone, her late partner's dried blood still on her clothes.

Later that day Agent Hunter is killed by the same man, who is out for revenge on Callen. She is numb no longer. Now she is angry.

The team is rocked by loss and motivated by the wrong emotions. Anger and pain and urgency fuel them.

It's not a good combination. It makes them desperate and impulsive. With the bad guy in custody, they rush into a bad situation. Kensi and Sam are nearly killed in a building that explodes around them.

After the explosion, and after knowing Sam is okay, Kensi collapses on her knees. She puts her head in her hands and struggles to maintain control over her breathing. Her ears are ringing from the explosion and the world totters around her.

She feels the loss of her partner so keenly in this moment that it hurts. Pain flares in her chest and pulls at her heart.

She hadn't known Agent Hunter nearly as well, but she feels that loss, too. She knows how easily it could have been her and Sam right now.

"You good?" Sam asks, laying a hand on her shoulder.

Kensi pulls her hands from her face and looks up at Sam. "I'm fine."

Sam regards her for a long moment before sighing. "You're not fine. None of us are."

"Maybe not, but we have to be. We have to finish this."

Sam stares towards the burning building for a couple seconds. He turns back to Kensi. "I'd tell you that you shouldn't be working right now after losing your partner this morning, but I know better."

"We're all hurting," she says. "We need to stop being sloppy and take this guy down."

"Agreed. That was closer than it should have been."

Kensi feels her phone vibrate in her pocket. Thinking it's Ops, she pulls it out expecting a message from Eric or Nell. Instead, it's a message from Marty. _How's your day going?_

For a moment, she can't speak. She feels like the air has been sucked out of her lungs. Her eyes sting, but she's already cried enough today. If she hadn't already been kneeling, she's pretty sure she would have collapsed under the weight of the reminder of just how bad her day has been.

At Sam's worried look, she shows him the screen.

"Are you going to respond?" He asks.

She shakes her head. "What would I say? _Just about got blown up a few minutes ago. Oh, and my partner was killed this morning. How's your day, honey?_ " She finishes her sarcastic rant with a sigh and then pushes herself to her feet, before turning serious again. "He has no idea…" She trails off as her eyes turn to the burning building. She is suddenly overwhelmed with the knowledge that she could have died just a few minutes ago and he would have no idea. How long would he have waited for her to respond to his text? How would he have found out?

"Does your wife know what you do?" She asks Sam.

Sam is surprised by her subject, but answers. "She does," he says.

"So, it wouldn't be okay if something happened to you, but at least she would understand."

"Kensi…"

She shakes her head, cutting him off. "Promise me that if something happens to me that you'll tell Marty the truth for me. He deserves that. Promise me you'll tell him what we do." She thinks to the loss of her partner. "Promise me you'll tell him _why_ we do what we do."

Sam nods. "I promise."

00

Despite having Janvier in custody, the team is blackmailed to release him to prevent the release of top secret information. With no time left, they hatch a plan for Callen to pretend to kill him but shooting him in a vest. They need to convince international players looking to buy the information that Callen has killed Janvier.

Unfortunately, the media is on scene, forcing Callen to take the shots on national television.

Callen is arrested as the team works in the background to get Janvier out of sight. Then, with nothing to do but wait, Kensi and Sam are sent home.

00

Kensi doesn't sleep. She drives home through the darkened streets in silence. When she gets home, all she wants to do is cry and scream and maybe hit something. Renko's death is a sharp pain in her chest that she can't get rid of.

She tries to lay down, but can't find sleep. She thinks of Marty and how much she wants to be with him in this moment. He's offered her more comfort in the few months she's known him than she's had her whole adult life. She considers calling him now, but knows she's in no way able to lie to him in this mindset. She'll tell him soon, but not like this.

It's still dark when she makes her way into work. Hetty's desk is empty, reminding Kensi her boss has resigned. If their plan doesn't work, she's pretty sure the remaining pieces of the team will be disbanded.

All she wants to do is stop feeling.

She makes her way to the gym and is unsurprised to find Sam already there. He offers her an understanding nod, which she returns.

She runs on the treadmill until she can't breathe. Then she beats the hell out of a punching bag. Then she starts over.

By the time the sun rises, Sam leaves to be there when Callen is released from prison.

Kensi is exhausted when she joins Eric and Nell in Ops. She knows she is emotionally compromised and not at her best, but she needs to push through.

Thankfully, the day is busy and keeps her mind off her pain.

It's over by the time the sun sets. Callen is cleared. Hetty is back. Janvier has been traded to Iran. And the team has pulled off the most impressive trick Kensi has ever seen.

00

Kensi stumbles into her house, still in shock by the events and emotional turmoil of the past two days. She peels off her dirty clothes and then spends the better part of an hour in the shower. Her hot water runs cold before she feels like she has washed off the horrors of the past forty-eight hours.

She rummages through her kitchen, opening cupboards and sifting through their contents. But in the end, she is simply not hungry and makes her way into the living room.

Her eyes catch on the new framed photo sitting proudly on her bookshelf. It's of herself and Marty at Mindy's party. Mindy had given it to her a week after the party. In the picture, they are laughing together. Marty's arm is around her as they smile towards the camera. Kensi touches the edge of the frame as she recalls how happy she had been in that moment. She had felt happy and in love. And _normal_.

In this moment, she misses Marty. She craves his presence and his touch. She wants his comfort.

She's had a horrible two days, which she knows she cannot explain to him. And she's completely exhausted; mentally, emotionally and physically. She knows she shouldn't go and see him in this mindset. But she also knows what it feels like to be held by him. And she knows how much comfort his presence will offer her.

She cannot stay away.

She leaves quickly and drives the familiar route to his house. It's getting late, but she can't turn back now. Even if he is asleep, she needs to be near him. She will happily crawl into bed next to him and be comforted by his mere presence.

She uses her key to let herself in, staying quiet in case he is asleep.

He looks up in surprise from the couch in the living room and offers her a smile. "Hey, you. Didn't expect to see you tonight."

Kensi shuts the door behind her. She slips off her shoes, drops her purse to the ground and makes her way towards the couch.

She sits and his arm snakes around her, pulling her close. She feels him press a kiss to the side of her head. And just like that, the world feels a little steadier.

"Sorry it's so late," she says.

"s'okay," he responds easily. He's tired, but happy to see her. "Bad day?"

She has to swallow hard against the sudden lump in her throat. "Yeah," she manages to whisper.

"Want to talk about it?" He asks gently.

"No."

He breathes into her hair before pressing another kiss to the side of her head. "Well, I am glad to see you." He waves his hand towards Monty, who is asleep in his doggy bed across the room. "Monty would be glad to, if he were awake. Not much of a guard dog, this one."

Kensi is surprised when she almost laughs.

"He fell asleep about an hour ago," Marty continues, speaking about Monty. "We were going to turn in early, but stayed up watching the news. Did you see what happened yesterday?"

Kensi looks towards the small TV across the room and feels her heart clench in her chest. She sobers immediately. 'Federal Agent Shoots Unarmed Man Without Provocation' is displayed across the bottom of the screen. Two ZNN news anchors are discussing the shooting. The video is paused on the screen behind them. The faces are all blurred, thanks to Eric, but Kensi has no difficulty recognizing all the players. Callen is front and centre, gun aimed towards Janvier. Behind him, Kensi and Sam are pretending to try and stop Callen from taking the shot.

Kensi swallows hard, struggling to tamper her reaction. She was aware that the fake shooting had been recorded by a news reported, but to actually see it as 'news' is surreal.

"Some of my clients complain about how they are treated by law enforcement," Marty says. "But this is just unbelievable."

Kensi takes a steadying breath. "I'm sure there's more to the story," she says.

"I just hope he doesn't need a court appointed attorney," Marty continues. "No way I want to represent someone like that."

Kensi feels her eyes sting. She knows Marty doesn't understand the situation. And she knows he is trying to distract her from her day. And she knows it's not his fault that he is inadvertently making it worse for her. But she can't take much more.

She blinks back tears and moves to stand. "I'm going to go home," she says as evenly as she can. She's both physically and emotionally exhausted. She cannot pretend tonight.

"What?" He says and she can feel his eyes watching her as she moves back towards the front door. "Why?"

"I just…need to go." She's exhausted and past the point of being able to make up a better reason. She keeps her back to him as she slips on her shoes, knowing he is watching her and not wanting to see the concern and confusion in her eyes. "I'll call you tomorrow."

"Kensi, what's wrong?"

Across the room, Monty lifts his head, having been roused by Marty's tone. The dog thumps his tail when he sees Kensi.

Kensi shakes her head, still not able to turn and meet Marty's eyes. She hears him sigh and stand up.

"Please talk to me."

She finally turns. She has no idea what to say to him. Behind him, Monty is sitting, watching them both with concerned eyes.

Marty reaches for her hand. His eyes are filled with concern. "Talk to me," he pleads.

"I can't," she whispers.

"I know you can't talk about work. But you're clearly upset." He steps closer and hugs her. "I want to help. Let me help."

Despite herself, she feels her body soften at his touch.

"I love you, Kens," he continues. "I just want to be here for you."

Suddenly she feels herself hug him back desperately. "I love you, too. I want… I wish you could understand. I wish you knew…"

"Tell me," he pleads. "Help me understand."

She wonders if maybe he could really understand. Her resolution not to tell him like this begins to give way. "Not everything is black and white," she says. "Sometimes things are so grey, Marty."

"Okay." He runs his hand up and down her spine.

"Sometimes you don't know the whole story. I'm sorry that you don't know."

He pulls back to meet her eyes. His eyes are full of confusion, but he wants to understand.

Across the room, the television catches her attention again. ZNN is still reporting on the shooting. Her breath catches and she feels a new wave of tears stinging her eyes.

He follows her gaze and half turns towards the television. "I want to know your whole story, Kensi. I know not everything is black and white like this." He motions towards the television.

"That's not black and white, either," she says before she can help it.

Marty points towards Callen on the screen. When he responds, his voice is filled with conviction. He is a lawyer, and he defends those who have been wronged. "That man is in a position of authority and he shot an unarmed man. That's black and white. That makes him a murderer."

Kensi sucks in a breath at Callen being called a murderer. If their plan hadn't worked, she doesn't know what would have happened to her team leader.

She was afraid for Callen. And she was afraid for Hetty, and for the remaining team.

She is angry. And she is grieving.

"He is not the murderer," she says. She leaves Marty's side and walks towards the television. She points towards Janvier on the screen. "That man is a murderer. He deserves worse than what he got."

Marty sucks in a breath and then slowly releases it. "Kensi, you know how I feel about guns."

She nods. "I do. But you also know how I feel. And right now, I need you to understand."

He stares at her, concerned and confused, but still trusting.

"I don't work for a pharmaceutical company," she tells him. She doesn't plan to tell him the truth in this moment, but the second the words leave her mouth she knows she could not have held them in any longer.

He blinks in surprise at the topic change. "What?"

She points towards her own blurry figure on the television screen. "That's me."

He stares at the screen and then back to her. He is confused. She can only hope he is still trusting.

"I'm a federal agent."

He huffs a laugh, but it's a nervous laugh. He's not sure whether to believe her.

Kensi walks by him towards the purse she dropped on the ground when she arrived. She pulls out her badge and offers it to him. "I work for the Naval Criminal Investigative Service," she says, showing him the badge.

He stares at the badge, but makes no move to touch it. When his eyes move back to hers, they are filled with shock and hurt.

She feels tears well in her own eyes. "I'm sorry I couldn't tell you. My team works on a lot of top secret cases. We all have to hide what we do."

"You've lied to me all this time…"

"I'm sorry," she says again. She swipes at the tears running down her face.

"You know how I feel about…"

"I do know. And I tried to make my views as clear as I could." She inhales sharply as he stares silently at her. It makes her desperate. "You said you would accept me if I accepted you."

He runs a hand through his hair.

She steps towards him, but he holds up his hand, stopping her. "You lied to me about who you are."

Her chest shudders. She nods. "I'm sorry."

"I can't process this."

"I'm still me," she tries. "Everything else I told you is true. You said… You said nothing would change your mind about me."

Suddenly he is angry. "You don't get to turn that around on me. You've been lying to me since we met."

"Only about what I do," she argues back.

He scoffs and waves a hand towards the television. "Your team, apparently, kills people."

"We save people," she shouts back. "And we didn't kill anyone yesterday."

He laughs sarcastically and points towards the television screen. "It's on video."

"We didn't kill him," she says. "We faked that scene. As soon as he fell back into the van, I shot him up with a tranquilizer."

He runs his hand through his hair again. "You said he deserved worse…"

"He did. He does."

"You don't get to make those decisions, Kensi. You don't get to fake these things. You don't get to render sentences. That's why we have laws. That's why we have courts and judges and juries. And _lawyers_."

She holds up her hand. "I respect what you do, Marty. But sometimes things aren't so black and white."

"That's bullshit."

"That man deserves everything he's going to get and more," she counters.

"It doesn't matter what he did, he deserves a fair trial."

"It does matter what he did," she whispers fiercely. "Because he killed my partner yesterday."

Her words are enough to take Marty by surprise. He falls silent. Behind him, Monty is still sitting up in his dog bed. His eyes are tracking the conversation, but he makes no move to leave his bed.

"He _murdered_ my partner yesterday morning. He shot him in the face in front of me. So, you don't get to judge me for wanting that man to suffer. Because you didn't hold your partner's hand yesterday and promise him he was going to be okay. And you didn't watch your partner die. And you didn't watch another agent die as well." She moves back towards the television and points towards Janvier. "That man killed two NCIS agents in cold blood. He almost killed me and the rest of my team. He had a vendetta against us. And he was going to do things I can't tell you about. So, he needed to be stopped."

"I'm sorry about your partner," he says softly. His hands twitch like he wants to reach out to her, but he doesn't. He's confused and doesn't trust the sympathy he has for her.

She sniffs. She wraps her arms around her own torso. She feels herself deflate. "Me, too."

"I want… I can't…" He runs his hand through his hair. "I don't know how to deal with this."

"This is who and what I am, Marty. You said you'd understand. Please…understand."

He shakes his head. "I don't."

She blinks hard as a new wave of tears spring to her eyes. "Okay."

He stares at her for a long moment. His eyes are clouded with both pain and confusion. He is in turmoil. "I think you should go," he whispers.

She moves back towards the door and picks up her purse. She stares at him for a long moment. He looks as devastated as she feels. Behind him, Monty watches silently with sad eyes. "I'm sorry," she says.

"I'm sorry, too."


	12. Chapter 12

_**Thanks again for the amazing feedback from the last chapter. I love reading all of your thoughts and comments. They keep me motivated. :)**_

* * *

The team is in mourning.

They may have pulled off Hetty's master plan, but they are still shaken by loss.

Callen and Sam attempt to instill some normalcy. They try to engage Kensi in their usual banter, but it falls flat. Kensi makes an effort to take part anyway, but she just feels numb and unable to engage.

Eric is sympathetic. He offers her supportive smiles and awkward approaches. She can tell he wants to offer comfort; he just doesn't quite know how to go about it. She wants to accept the comfort, but can't. She keeps herself back, grateful for his attempt, but unable to invite any actual comfort. She keeps herself back from Nell as well. The analyst keeps offering her anything she needs; support, friendship, a shoulder to cry on. But Kensi just _can't._

Hetty stares at her with sad eyes, but has nothing to offer the junior agent who has lost her second partner in as many years.

Nate is brought in to help the team and takes the time to sit down with each of them one-on-one.

"How have you been holding up?" He asks Kensi when it is her turn. She is sitting across his barely-used desk from the operational psychologist. Her arms are crossed in front of her chest. She doesn't want to talk about any of this. She doesn't want to _feel_ any of this.

"Honestly, Nate, I don't know."

He nods in understanding. "Everyone here lost a team member this week, but you lost your partner."

"Yup." She nods as tears fill her eyes. She refuses to acknowledge the tears by making any move to wipe her face.

"Renko was a good partner," he offers.

"He was a great partner," she agrees. "And a great friend. And I really miss him."

Nate is quiet as he reaches across his desk and offers her a box of tissues. "It's okay to miss him, Kensi. It's okay to be sad."

Kensi stares at the box of tissue for a long moment. Her eyes flicker to Nate's kind and patient gaze, and then back to the box. She takes a breath and reaches for the box, giving in. "Thank you," she says as she wipes her eyes.

"No one expects you to be dealing with this any better than you are," he assures. "Especially considering…" He trails off.

Kensi doesn't need him to finish his thought. She knows they're all walking on egg shells around her right now. Not only because she lost her partner, but because she lost her _second_ partner.

No one wants to voice it, but she sees the knowledge and the pity reflected in everyone's eyes. No one even really knows what to say to her. It's the only benefit she has in this whole situation; that she is not being questioned or pushed to talk by anyone at work.

Renko was the only one who pushed.

"How are things with the team? With Callen and Sam?" Nate presses on.

"We're all dealing with it," she says. "I know they want to help me, but I don't think they know what to say."

"It's hard to know what to say in these situations," he agrees.

She nods. She's been through this before.

"But it's important that you have support while you go through this. When we talked a few months ago you were seeing someone. Are you still seeing him?"

Kensi sighs at the reminder of her failure. It's only been a few days, but misses Marty in a way she could not have foreseen. He had added such joy and contentment to her life. He'd made her feel loved and cherished, and he'd been a welcome alternative to nights alone on her couch. "I don't think so."

Nate stares at her for a long moment. "That's not a no."

"Yeah, but it's not a yes, either." She hasn't heard from Marty since the night she said all the right things in all the wrong ways.

"What happened?" he asks gently.

"The job happened."

"He found out what you really do?"

She nods. "I told him the day after Renko died. I shouldn't have gone to see him that night." She's not sure if things would be different had she been in a better place of mind when she told Marty about her job, but at least she would have been better able to explain herself. She would have been better prepared, and more rational. She hates herself for begging him to accept her. She knows it wasn't fair. She knows well the streak of insecurity he carries, as well as the guilt.

And she knows when he promised to accept her no matter what that he was making that promise to a girl who doesn't exist.

"I was emotional and couldn't explain myself properly. Even so, it's probably for the best."

"Why would you say that?"

She sighs and runs her hand through her hair. She hates when Nate pushes her to talk like this. But she also knows he won't let up. "Marty's a really good guy. And he deserves to be with someone who doesn't have to hide from him." She hates that it's the truth.

"Interesting choice of words; that you _have_ to hide from him."

"Well, that's what we have to do with this job. Hide parts of ourselves. Lie." She is bitter, even though she knows she has no right to be. She knew about the secrecy when she took the job. She just hadn't expected Marty to come into her life.

When her friend started pestering her about a blind date with a lawyer, Kensi had not expected to like him. She had no idea she would fall in love with him. She wasn't prepared for it.

"Do you think you hid too much of yourself?"

"I'm not sure," she tells Nate. "At the time, I thought I was doing everything I could to let him know who I was. I was…hopeful things could work out." She pauses for a moment and allows herself a small smile. "Renko gave me a pretty good pep talk one day. Made me believe things could work out."

Nate returns her smile. "He was a good partner for you," he comments.

She nods. "He really was."

Nate gives her a moment before moving on with the conversation. "Do you still believe things could work out with Marty?"

She sighs and chooses not to answer the question directly. "Sometimes things turn out to be too much."

"What was too much in this case? That you lied? What you really do?"

"Both, I guess. The lying must be a shock to him. And then…" She trails off with a sigh. "He doesn't like guns. He had a bad experience as a child so he doesn't like the reminder. He was open about that. And I wasn't open about this."

Nate nods in understanding. "I'm sorry."

She tries to offer him a smile, but it falls flat. "Me, too, Nate."

He considers her for a moment. "What do you think Renko would say to you right now?"

"About Marty or about his…death?"

"Either. Both."

She closes her eyes and thinks. She can practically picture her partner sitting across the desk from her, his gaze somehow both serious and filled with humour. He wouldn't want this for her. He wouldn't want any of it.

"He wouldn't want me to be sad about him. He'd probably make some inappropriate joke about his death. But then he'd be serious, and he'd tell me I need to get my head in the game. He'd tell me I can't get myself killed because I'm sad about him. He'd be pretty emphatic about that."

Nate nods. "And what would he say about Marty?"

"He'd probably threaten to kick his ass for me." She actually manages a small laugh as she imagines her partner offering to defend her honour or something else ridiculous like that. Renko liked to make her laugh. "He'd do it even though we would both know that Marty wasn't in the wrong. But he'd offer, because he'd know it would make me smile. And then he'd probably say something amazing and insightful to make me believe it could actually work out."

Nate smiles. "Sounds like our Renko was a bit of a romantic at heart."

Kensi surprises herself when she actually laughs. It's soft and it's short lived, but it's a laugh. She's reminded of good times with her partner. "I accused him of being a closet romantic once. He made me promise not to tell Callen and Sam."

Nate chuckles, but before he can respond, there is a knock and the office door opens.

Callen pops his head in. "We got a lead…" He narrows his eyes at the two of them. "Everything okay?"

Kensi offers the team leader a smile. "Just remembering a promise that I made to my partner."

Callen doesn't smile, but his eyes soften. He nods approvingly at her speaking about Renko. "What was the promise?"

"Can't tell you," she responds as she stands. "I promised him I wouldn't."

Callen narrows his eyes at her, catching onto some of the humour, but he doesn't press.

Kensi turns to Nate. "Let me guess; we'll continue this later?"

Nate nods. "If you want."

She raises an eyebrow. "And if I don't?"

He smiles, "Then we'll continue it anyway."

She rolls her eyes in good humour and turns to leave.

"Kensi," Nate calls, causing her to turn back for a moment. "Your partner gave good advice. You should listen to him, even now."

00

Six days after Renko's death, the team attends his funeral. It's held outside. The normally clear and sunny California sky is just a little overcast. It adds magnitude to the events of the day.

Kensi is wearing dark grey pants and a black blouse. She shifts uncomfortably at the constrictive material of the top. She's sad and uncomfortable. The numbness earlier in the week had been both a curse and a blessing. Now that it is wearing off, both the pain and the loneliness are screaming inside her. She misses Renko. And she misses Marty. She hates this week.

Eric glances at her, concern lining his eyes. He offers her a sad smile and stays silent. He still doesn't know how to approach her.

She smiles back, noting that he looks even more uncomfortable in his pants and jacket than she feels in her outfit.

Next to Eric, Nell stands with her arms wrapped protectively around her middle. Her focus is on the crowd of mourners. Her red and puffy eyes take in each person one at a time. She's seen a lot of death since she started working with the team a year and a half earlier, but this is the first time for her that it's been a member of the team.

Nate's attention is also on the crowd. Though his expression is less extreme than Nell's. He looks sympathetic, but also resigned in the knowledge that this is part of the job. Beside him, Rose holds his hand. Rose hadn't known Renko herself, but she knows the team well enough to know what they have lost.

Callen and Sam haven't arrived yet, and Kensi hasn't seen Hetty. The Operation's Manager had kept to herself at Hunter's funeral, and Kensi doesn't expect any different of her today.

The service is set to start in less than fifteen minutes when Kensi spots Callen and Sam approaching them from the parking area. Callen's face is neutral, but Sam is scowling.

They are all devastated to be attending the second funeral of the week.

Sam nods to them all as he and Callen join them. He meets Kensi's eyes. "You good?"

She ignores the sting of tears. It's become an all-too-familiar sensation this week. She nods. "Yup. You know me."

He frowns. "I do know you." He exchanges a worried glance with his partner.

Kensi resists the urge to roll her eyes at how obvious they are being.

Callen looks to her, but then his eyes flicker to something behind her. His brow furrows and he stands up a little straighter. Kensi recognizes that Callen is suddenly on alert.

"What?" Kensi asks. She has, of course, taken in the crowd, but has not noticed anything of concern.

"We're being watched."

She resists the urge to turn and look, not wanting to look obvious if there is a threat.

Sam nods as he takes a surreptitious look at their observer. "Male, early-to-mid thirties. Shaggy blond hair-"

Kensi turns on instinct. Her heart thuds heavily against her chest, because the man Callen thought was watching them, was actually watching her.

Marty is standing alone, about fifty feet from the team. He's dressed in a dark suit. He looks uncertain, but determined. He meets her eyes and begins to move toward her.


	13. Chapter 13

_**AN: Sorry for the delay. I'm away from home for a few days and have not been able to get online... This was my first chance to update.**_

* * *

 _Kensi turns on instinct. Her heart thuds heavily against her chest, because the man Callen thought was watching them, is actually watching her._

 _Marty is standing alone, about fifty feet from the team. He's dressed in a dark suit. He looks uncertain, but determined. He meets her eyes and begins to move toward her._

She moves towards him without conscious thought and meets him halfway.

She begins to lift her arms. All she wants is to hug him and feel his arms around her, but she hesitates. He hesitates, too. They stare at each other.

"You're here," she whispers.

He nods. "I am. I'm sorry I haven't been here for you this week. I couldn't…" He trails off and runs a hand through his hair. "It was a lot to process."

She swallows hard. "I thought it was too much for you."

He tries to offer her a smile, but it falls flat. He looks both uncertain and guilty.

She hates the guilt in his eyes, and she hates herself for making him feel guilty.

He takes a deep breath and releases it slowly. "It's a lot," he repeats. "But you were right. I promised to accept you. I promised nothing would change my mind about you."

She shakes her head. She wants a hug so badly, but she doesn't want him with her out of obligation. She had begged him to accept her, and she had used his own words against him. It wasn't fair then, and it's not fair now.

"Marty, I love that you're here," she tells him. She reaches towards him, but hesitates before touching him. "But my life is so much more than you could have foreseen when you said those things to me. I should never have used them against you. I'm not holding you to them."

He moves forward, taking the step she couldn't. His hands find hers. "Kens, you don't understand. I _want_ to be here with you." He shifts both of her hands into one of his. His free hand reaches up to brush her hair behind her ear. "I love you, Kensi Marie Blye. _Nothing_ is going to change that."

Kensi pulls her hands from his and quickly wraps her arms around him. He hugs her back just as fast. And for the first time all week, she feels like the world isn't spinning too fast.

"I love you, too." She closes her eyes and breathes against him as he holds her tight. "I'm so glad you're here."

"Me, too."

People begin to shuffle past them, letting them know the service will be starting shortly.

Kensi pulls back from the hug and offers Marty a grateful smile.

He pecks her on the lips. "I'm so sorry about your partner."

She nods. "Thank you."

He stares at her and breathes for a moment. "I know we have a lot to talk about. But I want to make this work. And I want to be here with you. I'm so sorry that I haven't been here this week."

"It's okay," she assures him. She reaches her hand up to cup his jaw. "Please don't feel sorry for not being here. It's not your fault. You couldn't have known…"

"I appreciate that," he tells her softly. "But I'm still sorry you've been alone."

"You're here now." Her voice catches and her eyes sting. "Thank you for being here now."

He reaches for her hand. "I want to be here for the good and the bad."

Kensi takes a deep, steadying breath as she takes in his expression. He looks so sure of his choices; so sure of her. It makes her feel both overwhelmed and strong that he is taking such a leap of faith for her. This is the first time in her life that a man knows nearly this much about her and still wants to be with her. "Me, too," she whispers. She squeezes his hand.

He squeezes back.

Kensi takes another breath. She feels steadier than she has in days. She loves Marty for joining her. "We have a lot to talk about."

He nods, not shying away from the topic. "We do. But we can talk when there's a better time."

"Okay." She nods. "I want to talk, Marty. I want you to know everything."

He squeezes her hand again. "I want that, too." He nods towards the seats set up for the service. The service is getting closer and the chairs are filling up. "Later."

"Later," she agrees.

She glances over her shoulder, unsurprised to find her team waiting for her. She turns back to Marty. "You want to meet my team?"

He nods. "Yeah."

They only have a few minutes before the service starts, so introductions are quick.

Kensi introduces Marty to the team for the first time, and smiles as he shakes everyone's hand. Callen is as neutral as ever, and Sam glances uncertainly at Marty's hair. Nate is friendly as his eyes take in as many details as he can. He sends Kensi an approving smile.

Eric and Nell are both friendly and more obvious in their curiosity about him.

When all the introductions are finished, the team follows the rest of the crowd and take their seats.

Kensi holds tight to Marty's hands through most of the service. She tries to fight back tears, but eventually lets them silently stream down her cheeks. Marty surprises her when he pulls his hand away from hers. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small package of tissues. She smiles at the gesture and nods her head in thanks.

She dries her cheeks, and manages to mostly cry herself out before she is called to the small podium. Renko's brother had done the official eulogy, but Renko had had a rich life, and others wanted to talk as well; a high school friend spoke of the trouble they had gotten into in their teens, and an LAPD detective whose life he had saved alluded to a story about a police horse that had the small group of cops in attendance laughing. Callen and Sam laughed, too.

Kensi, as his partner, is representing NCIS.

The podium is small, and just elevated enough to allow Kensi to view all the mourners. She takes her place facing the crowd, standing with several photos of Renko.

To her left is Renko's official NCIS ID photo. He looks serious and determined. Next to it is a photo of him with his parents at some sort of celebration. He's smiling, one arm around each parent. To her right is a photo of him and his buddies in high school. Next to it is just a simple photo of the Renko she knew; confident and happy, smiling at the camera.

She clears her throat and addresses the crowd. "Mike Renko was a great man, a great friend, and a great agent. I should know. He was my partner." The crowd murmurs and she pauses for a moment. She doesn't offer her own name, knowing she needs to keep some anonymity.

"He was a really good partner. He always had my back. And he always came through. But more than that, he was able to do what we do and still see the world in such a positive light. He always saw the good, and always thought things could get better." The crown murmurs again, and she sees many people nodding their agreement. "He loved helping people. And he loved this country. And he loved his job."

She takes a breath, and then continues.

"I was there…when he got shot. We were talking, and he was joking with me. He was laughing. He was happy." Her eyes well and she breaks off for a moment. "That is how he would want to be remembered." She glances to her right at the smiling photo of her late-partner. She recalls the shock of realizing he had been shot. She recalls with great clarity standing outside his hospital room as the doctors and nurses fought hard to save his life.

She remembers the shock of realizing he wasn't going to make it.

She recalls the team's grief and recklessness in the wake of Renko's death. She remembers what she had said to Sam while they stood together outside of the fiery building they had narrowly escaped. In that moment of near-death, she hadn't regretted her own mortality.

What had been most important to her in that moment, was knowing her loved one understood.

"He'd also want everyone to know that he doesn't have regrets. He believed in what we do." She pauses for a breath. Her team and Marty are too far away to make eye contact, but she lands her eyes on Marty. "What we do isn't always glamorous. We see a lot of the bad this world has to offer. But we fight back against it. It's not just a job. It's who we are." Her eyes drift over the crowd towards Renko's family. "Renko made a difference. He saved lives. He had our backs and he saved _our_ lives. He was a hero." She pauses and swallows hard. "He is a hero. And we'll never forget him."

She finishes her speech and returns back to her seat between Marty and Nate. Marty hooks his arm around her waist in support. He pulls her close.

Nate offers her a soft smile. She smiles back and then closes her eyes as she feels Marty press a kiss to her temple. She's not normally one to display affection in front of others, especially her team, but she's so grateful for Marty's presence that she doesn't care right now.

The service ends and the team releases a collective sigh as they say a final goodbye to Renko.

They say nothing as they walk back to the parking area together. Kensi reaches for Marty's hand as he walks supportively beside her.

They reach the end of the path and come to a stop.

"Well, I need a drink," Callen announces. It's both statement and question.

Beside him, Sam nods. "Me, too."

"I think we could all use a drink," Nate adds. "And that's my professional opinion."

Eric and Nell agree to drinks.

Callen looks towards Kensi.

Kensi meets Marty's eyes and then looks back to Callen. "I'll pass." She squeezes Marty's hand. "We have some things to talk about."

The team leaves quickly, and Kensi turns to meets Marty's eyes.

"I don't mind if you want to go out with your team," Marty says. "I'll even go with you…if that's something you want."

She smiles at him. "I'd love for you to get to know them," she tells him. "And in a happier time, we'll make that happen. Right now, I really want to just be with you."

"I want that, too."

She takes a breath and then feels the familiar sting in her eyes again. "I'm so glad you came, Marty. Thank you. For being here."

He steps forward and presses a kiss to her cheek. "Please stop thanking me," he whispers. "I want to be here. I want to be with you." He rests his forehead against hers. "I missed you."

Kensi squeezes his hands and presses back against his forehead. "I missed you," she echoes.

He hums under his breath. "Why don't you let me take you home and make you dinner?"

She pulls away far enough to meet his eyes.

He cocks his head. "Okay, how about you let me take you home and order us some dinner?" He raises an eyebrow. "Unless you want frittatas for dinner?"

She almost laughs. She nods, grateful for the joke. She's also grateful for the offer. But as much as she wants to fall back into the life she was living with Marty before the previous week, she has lived the consequences of putting off conversations. "Dinner sounds great, but we need to talk."

"We can talk later," he waves off.

She reaches a hand to cup his cheek. "I love you for meaning that," she tells him. "We need to talk now. I've put it off long enough."

He stares into her eyes for a long moment. "Okay."

She reaches up on her tiptoes and kisses him quickly. "Thank you for being so amazing."

He surprised her when he smirks. "Being amazing comes naturally to me."

This time she does laugh.

He laughs as well, his eyes sparkling.

Kensi stares into his eyes for along moment and feels a swell of emotion in her chest. In this moment, she truly believes everything will work out.

"You ready to go?"

"Yeah, I think so." She turns her head and stares back in the direction of the memorial service. She closes her eyes and says a silent goodbye to her partner. She turns back to Marty, grateful she is following her partner's advice. "Let's go."


	14. Chapter 14

_**For those who have asked/wondered, Deeks found out about the funeral through Hetty. I had planned to mention this at the end of the last chapter, but it pulled too much focus away from the chapter and end of the funeral. I'm sure it will fit in eventually.**_

 _ **Thanks again for all the feedback and support with this story. I have reached the end of the pre-written chapters, but am dedicated to trying to keep up with the weekly updates. The wonderful comments definitely keep me motivated to write faster. :)**_

* * *

"We don't have to do this now."

Kensi pulls her eyes from the horizon and turns them toward the wonderful man standing beside her. "I know. I want to."

Marty offers her a soft smile. "You sure?"

She nods. "You deserve…" She trails off as her emotions get the best of her. It's been a highly emotional day already. "You deserve so much, Marty. So much. I don't know if I can be everything you deserve, but I can tell you everything you deserve to know."

He stares at her for a long moment. The confusion and the hurt of the past week is no longer reflected in his eyes. But there is still damage there. He hesitates before stepping forward and wrapping his arms around her.

Kensi feels tears spring to her eyes, at both his hesitation and his clear drive to comfort her. She's surprised she still has tears to cry. Marty's arms around her is such a welcome comfort. "Thank you for being here," she whispers, as she hugs him back.

His stance softens and his arms tighten around her. There's no more hesitation in his action. "I want to be here, Kens. I'm sorry I wasn't here this week."

Kensi closes her eyes and allows herself a moment of comfort. Marty is solid against her. she can feel the struggling sun on the back of her neck. The sand is warm under her feet. She takes a deep breath and pulls away far enough to meet his eyes. The sky is still overcast, but the limited sunlight still manages to light up Marty's eyes.

She reaches hand up to run her fingers through his hair. "It's not your fault that you weren't here," she tells him. "Please don't feel guilty."

His eyes pinch. "You lost your partner, Kensi. That's..." He runs his own hand through his hair. "That must have been so hard for you."

She lays her hands on his shoulders and squeezes. "This last week sucked. A lot. But I was never once mad at you for not being there. The fact that you're here now…" Her voice catches and she trails off again.

"Kensi," he murmurs.

He tries to pull her into another hug, but she keeps her hands pressed against his shoulders. She needs to be able to look him in the eye. "You are the most wonderful man, Marty. You have no idea what is means to me that you showed up today, like that." She pauses for a breath. She squeezes his shoulders again to let him know she's okay. "I love that you came today. But I wouldn't have blamed you if you didn't. Just like I don't blame you for this week. I kept a lot from you. A lot." She pauses again. Marty stares at her, patient as she sorts out her thoughts. "I know how shocking this all must have been for you."

He takes a breath and cocks his head. "It was a little surprising."

She feels the corners of her lips twitch at his tone. Then she turns serious again. "I'm so sorry I kept things from you." She pauses. "I didn't expect you." She pauses again. "I didn't expect _this_. I had accepted a long time ago that my job and my life wouldn't have room for another person."

"Then you met me," he finishes for her.

"Then I met you," she agrees. "And at first, it was irritating to keep up the lies. But then…" She thinks back to when the feelings had started to get real. She thinks back to Marty opening up to her, and being unable to do the same for him. "I seriously debated ending things because I didn't think it was fair to you."

He offers her a soft smile. "I'm glad you didn't."

She smiles back, and feels the sting of tears again. "Yeah, well, Renko gave me a pretty awesome pep talk."

His hands squeeze her hips in silent support. "I wish I could thank him."

"You would have liked him," she says. "He was funny, but he could be serious when he wanted to be."

"He sounds like a good partner."

She nods as the tears well again. She's reminded that she's standing on the beach with Marty, both still wearing the clothes they'd worn to Renko's funeral. "He was."

He takes a breath and his expression becomes something she can't quite decipher.

"Don't feel guilty," she tells him.

"I'm not," he counters.

She raises an eyebrow.

"Okay," he concedes. "I'm trying not to be."

"I guess I can accept that."

"Compromise," he quips.

She is surprised when she laughs.

He laughs, too.

They both sober quickly, but smile at each other. It's a reminder of the real compromise that is to come.

"I just want to say, again, that we don't have to do this now," he says gently.

"And I'll say again that I want to," she responds. "It's time. I don't want to wait anymore."

"Okay." He leans in to peck her on the cheek, and then releases her.

She sits on the sand. She smiles softly at Marty when he follows her lead. She's glad he suggested they go to the beach after the funeral. She knows it's his place to go when he needs to think, and she is grateful that he is sharing it with her.

"I want you to ask me anything you want," she tells him. "As much as you want. No topic is off limits. And I will try my best to answer all your questions."

He takes a breath. His eyes are serious when he nods.

"And I will get it if this is too much for you," she continues.

He looks like he's about to interrupt her, so she holds up her hand to stop him. "I mean it, Marty. You offered me an out once, when you thought your past may be too much. My past, and my present, are so much different than you could have known. So, I'm offering you an out, too. No judgment." She takes a breath. "And no guilt. I love you. But I will be okay if this is too much for you." She takes a clarifying breath. She does love him; more than she thought possible. But she will not guilt him into the life she has chosen.

He stares at her for a long moment. Then he nods. "Okay."

"Okay," she echoes. "Ask away."

"I will. But first…I need you to know that I love you, too. And I want this to work out."

His words help settle the fear in her heart that this is all going to be too much for her. She allows herself a smile. "Me, too."

He falls silent for a long moment, pensive. The expression she couldn't quite read earlier is back.

She expects a long list of questions about her job, her past, her choices. But his first question catches her by surprise.

"You said you were right there when your partner was shot. How close was it to being you?" He asks the question quietly. He looks away from her, as if afraid of the answer.

If Kensi dwelled on her own mortality too often, she wouldn't be able to do her job effectively. It's probably why Marty's first question catches her off guard. She now recognizes the expression in his eyes; concern for her.

She reaches across the sand and lays her hand on his knee. She waits for his eyes to return to hers. "Renko was standing about as far from me as you are now." She pauses for the information to sink in. "But the shooter was aiming for Renko. He wasn't aiming for me."

He nods and takes a breath. "Have you ever been…close?"

She nods. It's part of her job, and he needs to be able to be okay with it. "Yes."

He stares at her for a long moment. His eyes flicker down to her ribcage. "That night you showed up with the bruise…"

She nods. "I took a bullet to my vest."

He inhales sharply.

Kensi moves to pull her hand away from his knee, but he stops her before she can get far. He clutches to her hand with both of his. He takes a steadying breath. "I'm sorry that happened to you."

She exhales sharply, almost a laugh. His words have again caught her by surprise. "It's part of my job," she responds.

He nods, but then grows serious and stares into her eyes, truly understanding what she is telling him.

"I have a good team," she says. "And we're as careful as we can be. But there's a lot of risk. I can't…I can't guarantee I'll always make it home…" She thinks back to the events of the day and the loss of her partner. "I can't guarantee I won't wind up like Renko."

He looks away for a long moment. He stares out at the horizon. She stays silent, allowing him to hold tight to her hand as he processes what her job really means.

He's still looking away when he speaks again. "Why do you do what you do? I mean, I know you explained it. You said it's who you are. But…why?"

She understands what he is asking.

"You know I grew up on Marine Bases. All I know is protecting people. I wanted to be a Marine when I was growing up."

He turns his head back to meet her eyes. "Like your dad," he offers.

She smiles softly. "Yeah, like my dad." She takes a breath. "You know my dad died when I was fifteen. And I know you assumed he died defending our country."

His eyes narrow in both curiosity and concern. It confirms he had, in fact, assumed her father had died in action.

"He was murdered," she says.

Marty's mouth opens, but he has no words.

"It was a few days before Christmas. I snuck out to go to a movie. He'd said no and I was mad at him. When I got back, the base police were in the driveway." She pauses and swallows hard at the memory. "I was mad at him for calling the police on me. But then…they told me his body had been found in a car, off the road outside the base. He was barely identifiable."

"Oh, Kens…" He murmurs.

"He'd been out with his marine buddies. The base police concluded that he must have been drinking and driving, and crashed his car. But I knew he would never drive drunk." She pauses and meets Marty's eyes. "Everyone moved on, but I didn't. I became an NCIS agent to find out what really happened."

"Did you?"

She nods. She proceeds to tell him about her multi-year quest to solve her father's murder. She tells him about requesting his files, and then meeting with the members of his team. She tells him about being accused of murder, and finally finding out the truth. She tells him about the peace she had finally felt, and about the journal Granger had given her.

She tells him about her history with her mother, and about the shame she had felt – and still feels – when she found out her mother had sacrificed her relationship with her to preserve Kensi's view of her father. She tells him about how she had spent over an hour sitting in front of her mother's house that night, but had been unable to walk up to the door. She tells him about the nights since that she has spent sitting in front of her mother's house.

"I wanted so badly to share what was going on with me with you," she tells him. "But I didn't know how to begin to explain…"

He drops her hand for the first time since they began this conversation, only to wrap his arm around her waist and pull her close. "You're so strong, Kens."

The praise surprises her, and there are tears in her eyes before she can blink them away. "I'm not…" She argues.

"You are," he insists. "You are."

She allows herself to give in and accept his praise. She sags against him and allows herself to be held. "Thank you," she whispers. She is thanking him for his support. She is thanking him for loving her. She is thanking him for showing up.

"I'm so glad I don't have to hide anything from you right now," she whispers. "I'm so glad."

"Me, too," he answers.

They sit together for the better part of an hour in comfortable silence before starting their conversation again. They move apart so they can look each other in the eyes.

Marty asks the questions Kensi had expected. She gives him the answers that have been bouncing around her head all week. She tells him about her job and her team. She tells him about the work she does. She tells him about the good and the bad. She tells him about saving lives, and she tells him about taking lives.

She tells him she understands the power he had felt at eleven years of age when he had pointed a gun at his father and pulled the trigger. She tells him it's a part of her job that she hates, but also a part that she knows is necessary. She tells him she has never regretted pulling the trigger.

They talk for another hour. It's getting dark when they leave the beach together.

She offers him time to process all of the information, but he wants to take her home. They pick up takeout and spend the night on the couch with Monty.

The sight of the dog brings tears to her eyes again. Her last view of Monty had been the dog sitting behind Marty the week before when she had left after their fight.

Monty welcomes her back with a wagging tail and lots of kisses.

They watch mindless television together as they down their takeout.

At midnight, they fall into bed together.

Kensi lays awake an hour after Marty has fallen asleep, grateful that she is once again sharing his bed.

She knows how hard it was to hear about her job. She doesn't understand why he didn't take the out. She knows how much he deserves, and she's amazed he's chosen to stay with her.

Finally, she closes her eyes and falls asleep to the feel of Marty's arm around her waist and his breath hot on the back of her neck.


	15. Chapter 15

_**Sorry for the delay. Had a minor hand injury which significantly slowed down my typing ability. And for some reason this chapter kicked my ass. It's been re-written a few times. I think I'm on schedule to update again next weekend, and I'm hoping to have the next chapter of ADLS up as well.**_

* * *

The team is given the rest of the week off after Renko's funeral. Kensi spends most of her time re-settling into a life that includes Marty.

As the hours and days go by, Kensi's amazement that Marty has chosen to stay with her settles into a general sense of awe. She is grateful for the amazing man who has chosen to love her despite everything.

She feels fortunate that she has him in her life, and she wants nothing more. On Friday, they go out to a movie and she refuses to pick, wanting him to choose. On Saturday, they go out for lunch and, again, she has him pick the restaurant. On Sunday, she has him choose what they do that day.

She spends Sunday night at Marty's house, and then heads straight to work Monday morning.

Monty sits beside her, staring happily up at her as he wags his tail. She smiles at the dog and checks her purse again to make sure she has everything she needs for work. She has checked three times already, but she is stalling. Marty is still getting ready, and she doesn't want to leave without him.

Footsteps sound down the hall and Marty appears in the living room. He's dressed for work in dark pants and a blue dress shirt.

Monty chuffs and leaves Kensi's side. He greets Marty and then returns to Kensi.

Marty laughs. "He missed you."

Kensi smiles sadly. "I missed him, too."

Marty stares at her for a long moment before nodding. He understands the true meaning behind her words.

"You ready to go?" He asks.

She nods.

He glances at her purse and then back at her. He clears his throat. "Is your gun…in your purse?"

She shakes her head. "It's locked in my car. I wouldn't bring it in here. I know how you feel."

He stares at her again and then nods. "I appreciate that."

Kensi looks downward. She's not sure how to respond. The last few days have been a combination of amazing and amazingly awkward.

He clears his throat again. "But you have your badge with you?"

She looks up and nods. "Yes."

He smirks at her. "It's kind of cool that you have a badge."

It's not the first time he has mentioned her job. But it's the first time he has tried to joke about it.

She laughs before she can help it.

His smile widens. He holds his hand up like he is holding a badge. "Are you all like; _Blye, Kensi Blye_ when you pull your badge?"

She laughs again. "Not exactly."

He leans in to peck her on the cheek. "Still cool. And a little hot."

She feels her heart swell. She knows how hard he is trying to make this work.

"Thank you."

He straightens. "We should get going." He turns to Monty and pats the dog on the head. "You be a good boy today. See you tonight."

Monty follows them to the door, but makes no attempt to join them. He sits and watches patiently as the door is shut.

Kensi waits while Marty locks the door. She is surprised when he reaches for her hand. She threads her fingers through his and holds tight.

They walk in silence to the road where their cars are both parked. They stop at Kensi's SRX.

Marty glances towards the dark windows and then back to Kensi.

She cocks her head. "What?"

He hesitates before asking, "Is your gun in the glovebox?"

She feels her brow furrow, wondering about his sudden preoccupation with her firearm. "No, why?"

He looks down for a long moment, before looking up and meeting her eyes. "I know that you carry a gun at work. And I'm okay with that. It's just a little more…real when you're here."

"I don't have to bring it here anymore," she says quickly. "I can leave it at work-"

He cuts her off by shaking his head. "I'm not explaining myself well." He runs a hand through his hair. "I'm okay with it. It's just…weird. I want to get used to it. I don't want you to feel like you have to hide things from me."

His words aren't meant to cut into her heart, but they do.

"I'm sorry," she says quietly.

He runs his hand through his hair again. "I don't want you to be sorry, Kens," he says softly. "I want us to move past this. I want you to be comfortable telling me things. Anything. Even if it makes me uncomfortable."

"I don't want to make you uncomfortable," she says.

He reaches his hand forward to brush her hair back behind her ear. "I don't want you walking on egg shells around me."

She stares up at him for a long moment. She doesn't want to make him uncomfortable, but she also doesn't want to hide anything from him.

"I want us to be able to talk," he continues. "About anything. Even guns."

She is once again immeasurable grateful for this wonderful man. She knows what it means for him to be willing to talk about guns. The least she can do is follow his wishes. She nods. "Okay."

He glances at the car again. "Where do you keep it?"

"It's in a secure box hidden under the liner in the back of the car." She points towards trunk of the SRX.

"Is there a key?"

She shakes her head. "A multi-digit code on a keypad."

"Smart."

She nods her agreement. "You don't…do you want to see it?"

He swallows hard. "The box or the gun?"

"Either."

He takes a breath and then shakes his head. "No."

"Okay," she says easily.

He offers her a smile. "I'm just happy knowing where it is."

There is an awkward moment where she doesn't know what to say to him. But then he wraps his arms around her in a tight hug. "You'll be safe today, right?" He asks.

His words remind her that this is the first time she has left him to go to work since he found out what she really does. He hesitation to let her leave suddenly makes more sense.

"Yes," she tells him.

"I don't know what I would do if anything happened to you," he whispers.

She grips tightly to him and closes her eyes. She hears what he is saying behind his words. He is still focused on what could have happened if she had been shot instead of Renko.

"I'm okay, Marty," she assures him.

He holds her a little tighter.

"I can't promise you nothing bad will ever happen to me," she whispers. "But I have a good team who have my back. We're as careful as we can be."

"Okay," he responds, still holding her tight.

"And today will probably be an easy day in the office," she adds. "Paperwork and stuff."

He releases her and meets her eyes. "That makes me feel a little better."

She almost-laughs at his tone. "Glad I could help."

He chuckles. "This is all going to take some getting used to."

"Do you think you can? Get used to it?"

He stares at her for a long moment. There is hope in his eyes, but no certainty. "I want to," he finally tells her.

She nods, knowing she cannot ask for more. "I'm glad."

00

By the time Kensi makes her way into the office, she is a few minutes late. Callen and Sam are already there, working away on paperwork. They don't mention her tardiness and she says nothing about it.

She sits at her desk and reaches for her laptop. She pauses before lifting the screen to stare across the small bullpen at her late partner's desk. It is empty and untouched, like Renko could show up at any moment. She closes her eyes and takes a moment to miss her partner. Then she lifts the screen and gets to work.

The next few hours pass in near-silence. The small team work their way through several reports, only speaking up to ask quick questions about cases. Callen and Sam banter a bit between themselves, but take care not to joke with Kensi.

By lunch time, they take a break.

Kensi stretches her arms above her head, stretching out her back. She is not used to spending hours on her computer. She catches Sam glancing uncertainly at her. He notices her noticing him and offers her a warm smile.

She smiles back and contemplates her best move. She doesn't want Callen and Sam hesitant with her. She decides the best approach is the most direct.

"How was drinks after the funeral?"

If Sam is surprised by her forwardness, he doesn't show it. "Good. Somewhat depressing, but good."

"Got Eric drunk," Callen adds.

Kenso doesn't miss the twitch on Sam's face as he bites back a smirk.

"Again?" She recalls the technical operator's drinking after Dom's funeral.

"What can we say?" Callen speaks up. "He's a light weight."

Sam nods his agreement. "But Nell can hold her own," he adds. "For a small person, she can certainly drink her fair share."

Callen chuckles. "If we drank in relation to body weight, she could out drink us," he says.

"Easily," Sam agrees.

Kensi smiles at the thought of the young analyst out-drinking Callen and Sam. "Girl power."

Callen and Sam exchange a look.

"How was your weekend?" Callen asks.

"It was good."

The senior partners exchange another look.

"So, Marty seems like a good guy," Sam ventures.

"He is."

"And everything is…okay?"

She considers Callen and Sam for a long moment. She knows they care. "As okay as it can be considering he doesn't like guns, found out what I really do for a living last week, and still wants to stick around."

Callen considers her for a long moment. He is clearly unsure what to say to her.

Sam, however, offers her a smile. "It's a lot for anyone to get used to. But if he's still here now, that's a good sign."

Kensi smiles back. "I hope you're right."

"Give it time," Sam says.

She takes a breath.

"But in the meantime," Sam starts. He's smirking, and Kensi holds her breath, knowing he's gearing up to make her laugh. "Can we talk about the hair?"

She laughs out loud, and then crosses her arms. "What about the hair?"

"Wouldn't have pegged it as your type, that's all."

Kensi crossed her arms and bites back a smile, trying to look stern. She knows Callen and Sam are just trying to joke with her to take her mind off Renko. "And just what do you think is my type?"

Callen holds up his hands. "Not touching that one."

Sam laughs. "You're sure he's a lawyer, right?"

"And not a singer in a boyband?" Callen adds.

Kensi rolls her eyes, but she's grateful for her team and their attempts to make her laugh. "You two are really funny, you know?" She says dryly.

"Well, I'm funny," Callen says. "Big guy's working hard to be like me."

Sam huffs. "I'm the funny one. You didn't know what a joke was before you met me."

Kensi shakes her head as Callen and Sam banter back and forth between them. She misses her partner, but she still has her team.

And she still, despite everything, has Marty.

She smiles.


	16. Chapter 16

**_Before reading this chapter, please make sure you read Chapter 15. I posted it last week, but I'm not sure alerts went out to everyone._**

* * *

A month after Special Agent Mike Renko is buried, a new agent is assigned to the Los Angeles office of Special Projects.

A friend of a friend of Sam's, Special Agent Frederick Cole is a typical former marine. He's tall, clean cut, and slim, but muscular.

No one specifically says to Kensi that he is her new partner, but the implication is clear. If Agent Cole is a good fit, they will be partners.

She likes Cole. He's been with NCIS for five years, after a few tours with the marines. He's a little too focussed on protocol, but he's quick to smile when the team is joking. She knows from experience that the team and the work they do takes some getting used to.

A week into Cole's tenure with OSP, they wind up in a firefight with some wannabe terrorists, and are pinned down as they wait for Sam and Callen to arrive for backup. Cole is calm and collected. He uses his ammo sparingly, and is excellent backup. He definitely has the experience for the field work required in the job.

When Callen and Sam show up, and joke about saving their asses, Cole is quick to respond. "We had everything under control," he says, shooting a look to Kensi.

Kensi smiles and nods. "Yeah, we did."

He offers her a fist bump, and she obliges.

It's their first true interaction as potential partners, and it doesn't go by unnoticed by either of them.

When they make it back to the office, Cole takes his seat at Renko's old desk. Kensi swallows down the grief she still feels, and smiles. She knows Renko would want her safe and backed up by a new partner.

"Been in a few firefights before?" She questions.

Cole shrugs. "Oh, just a few."

"Just another day at the office."

He smiles and then nods towards her. "You're good with a handgun; good aim."

She cocks her head, testing him. "For a woman?"

He huffs a laugh. "No. For anyone."

She considers him for a moment before nodding. "Thank you. My dad taught me to shoot."

Cole smiles. "Me, too. Lifelong marine."

"Ah, a fellow navy brat."

"Yes, I am." He pauses. "Your dad still serving?"

She shakes her head. "No, he died when I was fifteen."

"Sorry."

The pain of losing her father isn't less since she solved his murder, but it's duller. No longer does the reminder of her father's death highlight the lack of answers. It does, however, remind her that she still hasn't been able to summon the courage to see her mother. "Thank you."

They continue to share information until Callen and Sam join them in the bullpen. She thinks Cole is someone she could learn to trust.

When the day is finished, she goes home for a shower. Then she heads to Marty's house. It's Friday and she's looking forward to a quiet weekend. She's exhausted after a long week.

Monty greets her at the door, his tail wagging like usual. Marty is across the room, sitting at the table with an open file in front of him.

"Hey," she calls.

He stands. "I'm so glad you're here. You're a good excuse to step away from this file."

She laughs and accepts a kiss as he meets her in the living room. "Glad to be useful."

He chuckles. "I meant it in the nicest way possible."

She cups her hand along his cheek and smiles. "I know." She tugs him lower and kisses him again. In the last month, things have slowly settled back towards normal for them. Marty is more and more confident every day that she will make it home. And Kensi thinks she is doing a good job making the stress she causes up to him.

He obliges her with a long kiss, before standing upright. "What do you want to do tonight? Go out for dinner?"

Her exhaustion hums within her body, but she smiles and nods. "Sure. Where do you want to go?"

He cocks his head. "You pick."

She clicks her tongue. "Seriously, what are you in the mood for?" She doesn't want to pick. She honestly doesn't care. She just wants him to be happy wherever they go.

"Whatever you are," he responds.

"I really don't want to choose," she says.

He deflates and runs his hand through his hair. "How was work?" He asks.

His question takes her by surprise. But her answer is easy. It's what she always tells him. "It was fine."

"Just fine?"

She feels her brow furrow, not sure what kind of point he is trying to make. "It was a pretty normal day."

"It's always a normal day," he says, taking a step back. He's frustrated. "Just like you never want to choose anything we do."

"I don't need to choose," she tries. "I'm happy going anywhere with you."

He is silent as he turns and walks across the living room. He sits on the couch and looks up at her. She can't decipher his expression. "I think…we need to talk."

Kensi feels her heart pound in her chest. She's been so careful this last month to be the best girlfriend she can. She's urged him to choose where they go and what they do. She's been careful to keep her work talk minimal, and not mention the close calls. She thought she was doing well.

"I…" She trails off before she's really had a chance to form a thought.

Then he surprises her. He laughs.

The sound takes her by surprise and she pauses, mid-thought and mid-action.

"Of all the things _not_ to say in this situation," he chides himself. "I guess we're back to the clichés…"

He is smiling at her, but she can't smile back. She doesn't want this to end, and she struggles to find the words to fight for them.

His eyes pinch and he cocks his head. He pats the spot next to him on the couch. "Please come and sit with me, Kens."

She does as he asks, still uncertain as to what is going on. She wants to fight for them, but if he wants to end things, she doesn't think she has the right to argue. Not after everything.

He reaches for her hand and squeezes. "I love you, Kensi."

His words, once again, surprise her. She feels tears stinging her eyes, and she blinks them back. "I love you, too," she whispers.

"We can't keep going on this way," he says softly.

"I'm doing everything I can to make this work," she says. She feels defeated. She's exhausted and she doesn't know what else she can do.

He huffs a laugh. "Yeah. You're agreeing with everything I say. You let me pick _everything_. You keep coming over here because it's easier for me with Monty. You never talk about work."

"That's not fair," she counters. "You're putting up with so much from me, the least I can do is-"

He cuts her off. "Please don't finish that sentence." He takes a breath. "Would things be simpler if you really did work for a pharmaceutical company? Yes. But I'm not looking for simple. I love you, Kensi. Not what you do for a living. And I know I didn't take the news well when I found out, but I'm sorry for that." He pauses and shakes his head. "I want to make this work."

"I want this to work, too. Which is why I don't talk about work. I don't want to complicate things."

"I'm not looking for simple," he repeats. "I'm looking for a partner. I'm looking for an equal. Not this person you've become with me. I want the real Kensi back. The Kensi who shared with me, the Kensi who voiced opinions and preferences. The Kensi I could debate with and who challenged me. The Kensi who would bargain and banter with me to go get ice cream at 10PM."

"That Kensi was lying to you," she says.

"Not about who she was," he counters. "Not about her likes, and dislikes, and opinions."

Kensi takes a breath. She's not sure how to do this. She's not sure how to make amends while flaunting her real job. She has, however, learned that honesty is the best policy. "I feel guilty," she admits.

He surprises her again when he smiles. "Sorry," he says quickly. "I just didn't think that would be so easy." He takes a breath and sobers. "I know you feel guilty. And I wish I could say that I'm okay with everything that happened. It still hurts that you kept so much from me." He pauses. "But I also get it. I know you couldn't say anything sooner." He shrugs. "I don't want you to feel guilty." He offers her a smile. "I forgive you, Kensi."

She exhales sharply. His words surprise her and tug at her heart. "Thank you."

"That means you can forgive yourself."

She feels tears well in her eyes. "I'm trying."

He squeezes her hand. "I want to help you with that. I want to be okay with your job. And that means you need to talk about it with me. Let's be equals again."

She exhales slowly, an action she learned from him. "I'll try."

He nods encouragingly. "Alright. Let's start with something easy. What do you really want to do tonight?"

She hesitates. She stares into his eyes as she struggles for an answer. She knows he wanted to go out.

He cocks his head and narrows his eyes. "Stop trying to decide what I want to do, and tell me what you want to do. Whatever it is, it will be okay."

She deflates. "I'm exhausted," she admits. "I don't really want to go out. I'd love to order in and spend the night here with you and Monty."

He leans in to kiss her cheek. "That sounds wonderful."

It's a small step, but it makes her feel good.

"What do you want to order in?" He asks.

She hesitates, and then laughs when he raises an eyebrow. "Pizza?"

"Pizza sounds perfect." He says.

He places the order, and then re-joins her on the couch.

"Should be here in an hour. While we're waiting, you want to tell me how work was today?"

She does want to tell him, she finds. His earlier words are still fresh in her head, and she feels stronger. "I got a new partner this week. Well, sort of."

"A sort-of new partner?"

"No one has specifically said Cole is my new partner, but everyone knows he will be if he works out."

"Is it hard? To have a new partner?"

"I miss Renko," she says. "But I know he would want me to have a good partner to have my back."

Marty smiles softly. "He's not the only one."

She smiles back. "He's good. Calm. Level-headed." She pauses before continuing. "We had a little shootout this morning." On Marty's look, she is quick to continue. "Everyone is fine. No close calls, even. It's just the first time with Cole. And he was good in the situation."

He takes a moment to absorb the info. "And you're okay?"

She nods. "Perfectly fine."

He hesitates before continuing.

She cocks her head. "If I have to be open, you can't hesitate to ask me anything."

He huffs a laugh, and then runs his hand through his hair. "Did you have to shoot anyone?"

His question takes her by surprise, but on retrospect, it shouldn't have. "No," she answers openly. "No one got shot today. We held them down until backup arrived, and then they all surrendered without incident." She is grateful that today's shootout ended so easily. It allows her to ease into these kinds of conversations.

He exhales slowly. "That's good."

She nods. "Other than that, work was uneventful."

He leans close and presses a kiss to her cheek. "Thank you for telling me."

She closes her eyes and leans into him. "Thank you for wanting to know things."

His arm snakes around her middle and he sighs into her hair. "I want to know everything."

"You're a good man, Marty," she whispers.

He breathes against her and says nothing.

She reaches to squeeze his knee, knowing he still struggles with compliments. "Your turn," she says, changing the subject. "How was work?"

He chuckles at her turning the tables on him, but obliges. He tells her about his day.

Hours later, after sharing about their days, after pizza for dinner and ice cream for dessert, and after a watching an old movie on Netflix, Kensi finds herself struggling to stay awake. Marty is warm beside her. Monty has long since fallen asleep on his doggy bed across the room.

She realizes she feels the most at peace since first meeting him. For half a year she struggled with keeping parts of herself from him. And then she faced the possibility of losing him forever. And then she had struggled with how to balance the new dynamic in their relationship.

Knowing how much he wants her to be honest and open with him makes her feel stronger. She no longer has to carry the weight of her job alone. He really does want to know everything.

It's been a good day.

She's told him before about her father's case and her mother's re-emergence into her life. She hasn't shared with him that seeing her mother still niggles at the back of her mind.

Today has been a good day. It feels good to share with Marty. It feels even better knowing he _wants_ to hear about things from her. It makes her want to share more. She decides that tonight she will rest with Marty, but then tomorrow she will bring it up and ask for his advice.

Beside her, Marty's breath begins to deepen and she knows he is starting to fall asleep. She leans into him and clears her throat. "Bed?"

He mumbles something indecipherable. He leans forward and then groans as he stands from the couch. "Bed," he echoes.

She smiles as he offers her a hand. She accepts and lets him pull her to her feet.

They bump into each other in their tiredness as they go through their bedtime routines. Then they fall into bed together.

With Marty's warm presence beside her, Kensi begins to drift off to sleep. She smiles at the nice, normal evening.

She could get used to this.


	17. Chapter 17

_**Sorry again for the delay. I had an unexpected loss this summer and just needed some time to grieve and do things that didn't leave time for me to think too much. I'm working my way back towards a new normal and hope to get back to writing regularly.**_

00

Kensi sighs as she stares across the street at the now very familiar house. She's spent many-an-evening sitting in her car, across the street from her mother's house in the past two months.

But one thing is different tonight. She's not alone.

"It's a nice house," Marty offers.

She pulls her focus away from the house and looks at her boyfriend. She offers him a smile. He's doing everything he can to help her. This isn't exactly a typical situation. There aren't any words he is expected to say.

"It is nice," she agrees. She's only been inside once. And her focus was more on the knife fight than the house itself.

But she still remembers finding the shelf displaying her childhood memories.

The reminder makes her feel worse now. She had chosen her father over her mother and hadn't looked back. She had blamed her mother for leaving her father for another man. She hadn't known her mother had made up the story to protect her from knowing the truth about her father's work.

"I hated her for so long," she says out loud. "I blamed her for choosing another man over my dad…over me."

Marty is silent, but he reaches over and lays a hand on her knee.

She sighs and stares at the house across the street. "But now… She sacrificed a relationship with me to protect me. And I was young. I wouldn't have understood the truth. But then I grew up and…" She blinks back the sting of tears and turns her gaze back to Marty. "I never gave her the chance to explain."

"She made her own choices, Kens," he tells her.

"But she tried to explain. And I didn't let her. I told her I never want to speak with her again."

His eyes pinch as he struggles for something helpful to tell her.

She lays her hand down on his, which is still resting on her knee, and squeezes. She and Marty are moving forward without keeping any secrets from each other. He deserves to know everything. "After my dad died, she tried to reach out to me. I was fifteen. All I knew was living on a marine base. I was terrified I would be forced to move across the country to live with her and the man she left my father for. Of course, there was no man. But I didn't know that at the time."

Marty is still silent in his support. He squeezes her knee.

"She wanted to come out right away, but agreed to wait until after dad's funeral. The day before the funeral, I packed up all the things that was important to me and took them to a friend's house. The night of the funeral, I packed up as many supplies as I could into my dad's ruck sack and ran away."

Marty's mouth opens in surprise. "You ran away?"

She nods. "My plan was to live in the bush like my dad had taught me, until I turned eighteen." She almost smiles at the thought of her naïve fifteen-year-old self.

He flips his hand over underneath hers to thread their fingers together, ever supportive. "Guessing that didn't go well."

Kensi thinks back to her fifteen-year-old self now and wonders if everything could have been different. "It was January in North Carolina. It was so cold out at night." She feels tears sting her eyes again as she recalls how lonely and devastated she had been. "I wanted so badly to give up and go home…but there was no home anymore. And I was too proud and stubborn…and stupid to ask for help."

He leans over the center console of the car to press a kiss to the side of her head. "I'm so sorry." He pauses for a moment before settling back into his seat and asking gently, "How long?"

"Almost a year, total," she admits. "I lasted about a week in the cold. Then I hopped on a train and went south. Eventually I made my way west to California. I knew my mom was here. I think part of me planned to look her up, but I never did."

"A year, Kensi." He runs his free hand through his hair. "I'm so sorry you went through that."

She brushes off his comment. "I did it to myself."

He drops her hand and reaches his arm around her, pulling her as close as he can over the centre console of the car. "You were fifteen, Kensi. You loved your dad. And your mother made her own choices. Give yourself a break."

She blinks hard as a set of tears successful overflow her eyes. "When you put it that way…"

He presses a kiss to the side of her head. "I'm sorry you went through that," he repeats. "It must have been really scary."

Her first instinct is to deny having been scared. She wants to tell him the whole experience was difficult, but made her stronger. But his words hit home in a way she has never allowed herself to admit. She had been fifteen years old and all alone. She had lived on the streets, alone. She had had no one to call for help. She had had to find her own food and shelter. She had been hungry and devastated and scared.

"It was scary," she whispers. "And really lonely."

She can feel his breath against her hair as he holds her close. "I wish I could go back and find you then," he tells her.

The thought makes her smile. "Me, too."

He "hmms" into her hair and then presses another kiss to the side of her head. "You're so strong."

She turns to press her forehead against his shoulder. She takes a moment to breathe. "I don't always feel so strong," she admits.

He sighs and she feels his chin come to rest on top of her head. She expects words of reassurance, but he surprises her. "I don't always feel so strong either," he whispers.

She lifts her head and turns to meet his eyes. She's not quite sure how sitting in her car across from her mother's house has led to this conversation, but she's grateful for it. It's probably the most vulnerable she's let herself be in front of another person in her entire adult life. And the look in his eyes tells her the same.

She's trusted him for a long time, now. But it hits her in this moment just how deep that trust goes. It makes her feel vulnerable to tell him her darkest memories, but she doesn't feel afraid. She trusts his reaction and his feelings for her.

Kensi lays her hand on Marty's chest, losing gripping the material of his shirt. "You make me feel stronger," she tells him.

He smiles softly at her. His eyes light up, turning a deeper shade of blue than normal. "I'm glad."

"Me, too." She reaches for his hand again.

He takes a deep breath, turning to stare outside the window of the car again. "Do you feel strong enough to go knock on the door?"

The thought makes her heart skip a beat, but Marty's hand is strong in hers, keeping her grounded. "Maybe," she says.

"Maybe is good," he responds easily. "It's halfway to a yes."

She snorts a laugh. "And halfway to a no."

He turns back to her and shrugs. "I like those odds."

She lets herself smile back at him for a long moment. She may have no confidence in any future relationship with her mother, but she has all the confidence in the world with the man beside her.

"What do I say to her?" She asks.

He purses his lips for a moment as he thinks. " _Hi, mom_?"

She laughs again, this time with a roll of her eyes. "After that?"

"She's your mom," he tells her. "You don't need a list of things to say."

"But she gave up so much for me, and I cut her out of my life without giving her a chance to explain. I don't know how to apologize for that."

He squeezes her hand. "I don't think she'll want an apology," he tells her. "I'm sure she just wants her daughter back."

His words tug at her heart. Because beyond the pain and uncertainty and guilt she feels, she also just wants her mom back.

He gives her a moment, knowing his words have had an effect on her.

Kensi stares towards the house across the street. The lights are still on. Part of her still hopes they're on because her mother is waiting for her. She nods to herself. Then she nods again.

"Okay," she eventually says out loud. "Okay, I'm going to do it."

"Okay," he echoes.

She turns towards him. "You coming with me?"

His mouth opens, but he's silent for an extended moment. His eyes light up in surprise. "I don't think…" He scratches the side of his face, something she knows he does when he is nervous.

She rolls her eyes. "I thought we were being strong today?"

He offers a tentative smile. "I didn't exactly plan to meet your mom today. What should I say?"

She huffs a laugh at his words, knowing he is purposefully echoing her earlier question to make her laugh. " _Hi, Kensi's mom_?" She mocks.

He laughs, but then sobers quickly. "I'll come with you if you want. But I understand if this just needs to be you and your mom today."

She leans towards him and presses a soft kiss against his lips. "Thank you."

"For what?"

Warmth spreads through her. "Everything."

He looks confused, so she kisses him again.

"I'll go by myself," she tells him after pulling back again. "It should be just her and me this first time." She passes him the car keys. "Will you be okay?"

He nods. "I'll hang here for a few minutes in case you need to make a quick getaway. Then I'll go find a coffee place nearby and wait for you."

"You don't have to-"

"Of course I do," he tells her. "I'm here for you, Kens."

There's that feeling in her chest again. "Thank you."

He waves off her words. "I have files in my bag to go through while I wait. It's no problem."

Kensi hates how he belittles his own behaviour, but knows that's not a war she is going to win in one day. She renews her promise to herself to change the way he allows himself to see how amazing he is. "Okay. I'll try not to be too long."

"Take as long as you need."

She takes a deep breath and releases it slowly. Then she opens the car door and walks across the street.

She holds her head tall as she walks between the solid white walls that line her mother's property. The only times she had been here before, she had snuck around the hedges to the side of the house. This time, though, she walks up the driveway towards the path to the front door. She hesitates for a moment, and takes a breath. She pushes on.

The outside lights still glow bright, and she can see light shining through the windows, so she's pretty sure her mother is home and up.

The house is large and well kept. It's the type of house her mother had talked about while Kensi was growing up, back when they lived from base to base, in nice, but cookie-cutter, houses.

The door has a large pane of glass, with a curtain on the other side distorting Kensi's view of the inside of the house. She hesitates and turns around, suddenly wanting to leave. But she hesitates. Marty's words flash through her mind. And his faith in her makes her feel strong.

She turns back and rings the doorbell before she can convince herself not to.

Then she waits.

There are footsteps on the other side of the door, then the sound of a lock disengaging.

And then the door is open and Kensi is face to face with her mother for the first time in fifteen years.

Her mother is surprised to see her, but her expression softens quickly.

Kensi stares back at her, tears suddenly stinging her eyes. Despite the time that has passed, she _misses_ her mom.

"Hi," she whispers.

"Kensi…" Julia practically breathes her daughter's name.

Kensi tries to say more, but any additional words are caught in her throat.

Julia smiles. "So, federal agent, huh?"

She nods, suddenly wanting her mother to be proud of her. "Yeah."

Julia keeps smiling at her.

Kensi takes a breath. "I'm sorry it took me so long. But I made it."

Julia's eyes fill with tears, as Kensi is trying desperately not to cry herself.

"Oh, honey," Julia says, stepping forward to hug her.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," Kensi says as she hugs her mother back tight. And it feels so good. "I'm sorry," she says again.

Julia ignores her apologies and pulls back. She smiles at her daughter. "Will you come inside?"

Kensi nods. "Yeah."

It's almost three hours later that Kensi hugs her mother goodbye with the promise to see her soon. She makes her way back down the driveway to the road.

Marty is waiting for her. He's leaning against the car, his hands resting comfortably in his pockets as his eyes track her movement.

She walks right up to him and doesn't hesitate to hug him tight.

He hugs her back. "How do you feel?"

She takes a deep breath and makes no move to pull away from the hug. "Glad I finally talked to her."

"Good talk?"

"Yeah."

"I'm so glad."

She pulls back far enough to meet his eyes. "You were right; she didn't want me to apologize. She just wanted…"

He reaches to brush her hair back from her face. "She just wanted you."

Kensi nods. "Yeah. And I'm so glad to have her back in my life. I didn't realize how much I missed her."

He leans in to press a kiss to her forehead, and then hugs her again. "I'm proud of you."

Kensi exhales a laughing breath, but nods. "I'm proud of me, too." She pulls back from the hug far enough to kiss him, long and hard. "Thank you, Marty. I could never have done this without you."

"You can do anything, Kens. You're amazing."

She runs her fingers through his hair. "You're pretty amazing yourself. And you need to give yourself more credit."

He opens his mouth to argue, but she raises an eyebrow and shoots him a challenging look.

He shuts his mouth with a smile and then nods sheepishly. "Fine. I'll work on it." He holds out the car keys. "Let's get out of here."

She nods her agreement, but instead of taking the keys from him, she moves to the passenger door. "Can you drive us home?"

He is surprised, but covers for it well. "Of course."

Kensi is exhausted, both physically and emotionally. She leans against the window as Marty drives, and allows herself to drift somewhere between awake and asleep.

She thinks her of the pain and anger she had felt for her mother, which is softened now that she knows the truth. And she thinks of her father, who had tried to encourage his stubborn daughter to call her mother. She wishes she had done so after her father died.

She thinks of her father now. She knows he would be glad she has finally reconnected with her mother. And she knows he would be proud of her.

She rolls her head away from the window to stare at the wonderful man sitting beside her, driving them back to his place.

"My dad would have liked you," she says softly.

He is surprised by her words and glances away from the road towards her. "What?"

"My dad would have liked you," she repeats. "He would have approved."

He turns back to the road and takes a breath. He reaches for her hand. "You sure about that? Even with the shaggy hair, long work weeks and limited salary? I'm not exactly a catch."

She frowns and considers him for a moment, trying to decide how to respond. "Well, you're right."

He shoots her a questioning look.

She smiles. "He probably would have had something to say about the hair…"

He chuckles.

She laughs, too, but sobers quickly. "But the rest… Marty, the job and the money aren't things that mattered to him. And they certainly don't matter to me. What matters is how you treat me, and how I feel when I'm with you. You're kind and considerate. Funny. Generous. Honest. You have so much integrity. And you want to help people."

They've reached his house, and he is silent as he parks the car. She watches as he turns off the ignition and avoids her gaze.

She gives him a moment before pressing again. "You're a wonderful man, Marty. And I love you."

He nods and finally turns to meet her eyes. "I love you, too."

"I happen to have a vested interest in how you treat yourself," she tells him. "So, you better start to believe some of the things I tell you."

"I'll try," he says, though his tone doesn't hold the confidence she would prefer.

She leans across the center of the car to press a kiss to his cheek. "I'll spend the rest of my life trying to convince you," she says, before opening her door and getting out of the car.

He is a moment behind her. The delay is just enough time for her to realize what she has said.

Just because she hopes to spend the rest of her life with Marty doesn't mean they have talked about it yet.

Marty gets out of the car and moves towards her. His eyes search hers, looking for confirmation of what she has said.

She smiles back at him, suddenly unsure what to say.

And then he smiles back and her and she realizes she doesn't need to say anything.

"Let's go inside," he whispers. "You can tell me about your mom. I want to know everything I can, because I'm sure I'll be meeting her soon."

She smiles at the thought. "Sounds good."

00

 _ **Had to have some conversations in a car because this is as close to a stakeout this version of Kensi and Deeks will ever get…**_ __ __


	18. Chapter 18

_**This story is starting to wind down. When I started to post, I thought it would be 15-20 chapters. A few parts have been stretched out, so I'm expected 20-25 now. Thanks to everyone for your support, comments and ideas. That being said, if there is something you want to see (read) happen, now is the time to speak (write) up. I'll try to incorporate what I can. I had hoped to finish before the new season starts… Not sure if that will happen or not, but could be close.**_

* * *

Kensi jolts awake to the sound of her phone ringing in the night.

She groans and rolls towards the sound. Despite the early hour and her limited sleep, she has become accustomed to middle-of-the-night phone calls over the years.

Her first swipe towards her nightstand is unsuccessful, but her hand makes contact with her phone on her second try.

"This is Kensi," she says into the phone, sounding more awake than she feels.

" _We have a case,"_ Callen announces. He doesn't bother with preliminaries like saying hello.

"M-kay," she responds. "I'll be there."

" _Quickly_ ," he says. " _High priority_."

She doesn't bother saying goodbye, knowing he has already hung up. She imagines him for a moment, completely awake and able to function on so little sleep. For a moment, she hates him.

She swings her legs over the side the bed and sits up. The alarm clock tells her it's two in the morning. She groans and runs a hand through her hair. It had been after midnight when she and Marty had fallen into bed together.

She stands and turns to meet her bed-partner's eyes. Marty is sitting up, looking even less awake than she feels. He blinks at her. "Is everything okay?" He asks.

His concern surprises her for a moment. He stares at her, his eyes pinched with worry for her.

Then it hits her. For most people, a middle of the night phone call means something bad; someone they know is hurt, or worse. But for Kensi, a middle of the night phone call usually means an urgent case. It hits her that this is the first time she has been called away from him to work in the middle of the night.

She clears her throat and offers him a tired smile. "Everything is fine. I'm being called into work."

He takes a moment as the meaning behind her words sink in.

"Do you know what it's about?" He asks carefully.

She shakes her head. "Callen isn't exactly forthcoming on the phone. When it's Eric calling, I at least have some idea…" She trails off as she realizes it's not the case he's worried about.

She hesitates, wanting to be able to reassure him, but also knowing she cannot delay any further.

"I'll find out when I get there. All I know is that it's high priority."

She can feel his eyes track hers as she pads across her bedroom, getting dressed as quickly as she can. When she is dressed, she turns to find him standing beside the bed.

She smiles softly at the sight. He's wearing only boxers and his hair is mussed more than usual.

"You'll be safe?" He asks.

She strides towards him and snakes her arms around his waist. She needs to hurry, but she has time for a hug. "I'll be safe." She pulls back far enough to meet his eyes. "High priority doesn't necessarily mean more dangerous. Sometimes it's a bad case, but sometimes we're called in to assist another team, or even another agency."

He holds her tighter for a moment and presses a kiss to her hair. Then he lets her go. "Do you want me to go home?"

She shakes her head and stands on her tiptoes to press a kiss to his lips. "Of course not. Stay here and get some sleep." She pauses for a moment before adding, "I'll check in when I can. Don't… don't worry if I don't respond right away. I don't always have access to my phone."

He nods and leans down for another kiss.

She kisses him back and then turns towards her closet, and then turns back. She winces and motions behind herself. "I have to…get my gun…"

His eyes glances towards her closet and then back to her. He knows where her safe is, and what she keeps in it. "Okay."

She keeps her eyes on his for a long moment, before nodding and turning back to her closet. She enters the key code easily and pulls open the door. She makes no attempt to hide her gun from him as she pulls it out and stashes it in her waistband, but also tries to make the action quick.

When she turns back around, he is staring at her with a steady gaze.

It makes her feel better, that he seems to be accepting this part of her life. He's forgiven her, and they've been moving forward together. But she still recalls the way he had openly told her about his past, before he had known the truth about her job. It still grinds on her now; that this may all be too much for him.

She hurries to the bathroom to relieve herself and brush her teeth. Then she makes her way into the living room where she knows Marty has moved to.

"You should go back to bed," she tells him.

He smiles at her. "I will once you're out the door."

She hugs him again. "Thank you for being so awesome."

He chuckles. "If I'd had time, I would have made you breakfast."

She leans up to kiss him. "You really are awesome."

He takes a breath. His smile fades, but doesn't falter. He reaches to brush a few strands of hair from her face. "I love you," he tells her.

"I love you, too." She pauses a moment, before motioning towards the half-awake dog on the couch across the room. Monty is blinking sleepily at them, like he's trying to decide if it's worth the energy to get up. "Now, you boys go back to sleep. I'll see you when I get home."

He lets her go with a smile.

She's halfway to work when she realizes what she said.

She had assumed she would be going home to Marty that night. It didn't matter if it was her house or his. _Home_ had become a shaggy haired man and a slightly-weird dog.

She spends the rest of her drive thinking of how much her life has changed, but when she arrives at work, she pushes her thoughts from her mind. It's time to focus on work.

She parks her car and is getting out when a now-familiar dark sedan pulls in. She waits for her new partner to join her before heading into the Mission. Typical for a former Marine, he looks entirely awake and put together, despite the early hour.

"Morning, _Freddy_ ," she calls jokingly.

Cole takes the nickname with good humour. "Are you ever going to stop calling me that?"

She huffs a laugh. "Probably not. I mean, _Frederick_ is a long name…"

"You could just call me Fred," he says.

"You told me you don't go by Fred," she counters.

"I don't," he says. "But I don't go by Freddy either."

She laughs as they reach the bullpen. The lower floor is empty, so they make their way up the stairs.

"How about I just call you Cole?"

"That would be much appreciated," he says dryly. She laughs and for a moment, her mind jumps back several months. She remembers joking with Renko about calling him Michael. The memory of her late-partner tugs at her heart a bit, but it also makes her smile. She knows Renko would be glad she has a new partner she can feel safe with.

They reach the top of the stairs and enter Ops. As soon as they arrive, Eric briefs them on the case. From there, they find themselves quickly heading into the field.

It's been light for a few hours before she has a moment to breathe. She and Cole are sitting in the SRX, waiting for their suspect to reveal himself. It's been a busy morning, with more than one shoot out, and two tactical breaches.

"Why can't bad guys be bad on a better schedule?" She voices.

Cole chuckles. "If they were considerate, they wouldn't be bad guys."

She struggles to hold back a yawn. It's one thing to work on little sleep when the adrenaline is pumping. It's another when there's downtime and the adrenaline dries up.

"I hope he shows up soon."

"He will," Cole replies easily, with the ever-lasting patience of a Marine. His eyes remain on the house across the street as he keeps conversation with Kensi.

She takes a moment to look away, knowing Cole has it covered. She pulls out her phone. There are no messages from Marty, but she's sure he wants an update from her. He's been really good about trying to accept her job. He's told her to stop walking on egg shells around him, but she still worries there is more she could be doing to make this easier on him.

She types a quick text telling him she's okay and eager for the day to be over.

His reply is quick. She swallows down the quick swell of guilt at the knowledge that he has been waiting for an update. He tells her he's glad she's okay and looks forward to seeing her that night.

Then he sends her a dozen random emoticons and several hearts.

She laughs out loud, knowing he had done it just to make her laugh. She feels her heart swell in her chest. She is so lucky to have him in her life.

"How is Marty?" Cole asks, still not looking away from the house across the street.

She rolls her eyes at his easy read of her. "He's good."

"How are things going?" Cole doesn't know everything, but he knows the basics; that she dated Marty for more than half a year before her last partner died and Marty found out what she really does for a living, that things were bad before they got good again, that Marty's past sometimes causes her to walk on eggshells, and that she's trying like hell to make it all work, but knows there's a good chance it will be too much for Marty.

"Good, I think," she tells him. She is trusting her partner more and more every day. Trust had been hard for her before. But it's coming easier than she expected. She thinks it's Marty's influence. He's proven her trust won't always be broken. "I mean, I got called away in the middle of the night and he watched me pull my gun out of the safe in my closet, and he's still here," she tells him, waving her phone.

Cole nods, though he's still focused on the house. "That's a good sign. Though you sound surprised that he's still here."

She sighs and stays silent for a long moment. If Cole expected her to respond, he doesn't push. She's about to let it all go, but the silence gets to her and she continues.

"He's put up with a lot," she voices. "I kept so much from him for so long. But he accepted me anyway. And he doesn't like guns. But he accepted that I carry one, that I _use_ one. He puts up with me not knowing when I'll make it home. And he puts up with me being called away in the middle of the night. And he helped me reconnect with my mother." She pauses for a breath. "Sometimes I wonder what I bring to the table."

Cole shrugs. "Ask him."

"What?"

He pulls his eyes from the house for a single second to meet her eyes. Then he turns back. "Men are simple, Kensi. We don't keep score. If Marty wants to be with you, he has his reasons. And if you need to know what those reasons are, he'll tell you. You just have to ask."

"You're far too reasonable sometimes, do you know that?"

He chuckles. "Can you tell my wife that for me? She'd never believe I'm too reasonable."

Kensi laughs. She absorbs his advice, but doesn't have time to dwell on them. Their suspect appears from the front door of the house.

They immediately move to intercept him, but the moment the suspect sees them, he starts shooting.

Kensi swears as she takes cover behind a parked car. She had been in the driver's seat, so she was closer to the suspect. If they had expected him to be violent, the whole team would be there.

Cole is still across the street. He had still been in the passenger side of the SRX when the shooting started. He's taken cover as well. At least two more shooters appear from the house and start shooting. Kensi shoots back, and manages to hit one of them. But her location is now known by both remaining shooters.

She doesn't have much time left using the parked car as cover when Cole starts shooting. He has moved over a car, and his firing gives her enough cover to move away while the shooters' focus is split.

She gets three parked cars away when she sees one of the shooters circle the car she had been behind, ready to shoot. He looks up in surprise when she is not there. It's just enough lead time for her to get a shot in. He goes down, and Cole takes care of the third.

They are carefully checking their surroundings when Callen and Sam drive up.

"Good timing," she calls.

Callen chuckles.

"You two okay?" Sam asks.

"We're good." She shares a smile with her partner. She holds her fist out to her partner. "Thanks for having my back, partner. I owe you."

He bumps her fist with hers, but shakes his head. "I'm a man, Kensi. I'm not keeping score."

She laughs. He joins her in laughing.

Her day is far from over, but she makes a promise to herself to follow her partner's advice and talk to Marty.


	19. Chapter 19

Kensi's day doesn't get any easier.

She and Cole head back to the Mission after the most recent shoot out, pausing only to pick up fast food on the way. Both would prefer something more substantial, but they're both starving and lacking other options.

Kensi holds back a laugh as she watches her partner frown at the remaining half of his burger. "I guess with you being called in so early, your wife didn't have time to make you lunch today…" She jokes.

Cole rolls his eyes. His wife has a habit of packing him bagged lunches; a fact that he has taken quite the ribbing for with the team.

"We take turns making each other lunch," he responds.

"Do you put little love notes into hers, too?" She jokes.

"That was one time, on my birthday." He pauses before admitting, "And yes, I add notes to hers on special occasions, too."

She laughs.

He huffs in good nature. "You shouldn't joke. You're on your way to happily wedded bliss with the lawyer. In no time at all, you'll be just like me."

Her partner's words bring her laughter to an immediate halt. She swallows hard. The thought causes her heart to pound against her chest. She is suddenly afraid.

But she's not afraid of marrying Marty. She's afraid he won't want to marry her. She's afraid her job is too much for him and he will leave.

The _want_ is strong inside her. She loves him and she wants to be with him. It's been less than ten months, but she knows she could spend the rest of her life with him, given the chance. She just doesn't know where he stands. When they'd had their big talk after Renko's funeral, they had agreed that he could ask any questions and she would be open and honest with him. And she had made it clear that he could choose to walk away if it was all too much.

They've talked in the months since, of course. He's told her he's forgiven her. He's told her he loves her. And he keeps telling her he wants to make this work. He's been determined, and she's been hopeful.

She just doesn't know when she'll know if it is or is not working.

She clears her throat and tries to act like Cole's words hadn't created such a reaction inside her head. "It's been less than a year. It's too soon to talk about getting married."

"I knew my wife six months when I asked her to marry me," he counters.

"Weren't you, like, twelve?"

He chuckles. "Twenty-two. She was twenty-one. I met her when I was home between tours. Married her before I was re-deployed." He pauses. "When you know, you know. And I knew." He meets her eyes for a moment. "And I think you know."

She says nothing in response, but mulls over his words as they arrive back at the Mission and head up to Ops. Eric and Nell have found a possible witness and track him to jewellery store downtown.

Kensi and Cole head back out to speak with the witness.

The jewellery store is relatively small and mostly empty when they arrive. The witness is behind the counter, engaged in a serious conversation with the only customer. There is one other man behind the counter, off to the side. Kensi immediately guesses he is there for security.

Cole is half-a-step in front of her when she senses something is wrong. The store feels _wrong_. Their witness does not look like a man who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. The conversation he is having with the other man is far too serious to be related to buying jewellery. And the security guard is definitely there for security, but he's not a professional security guard.

She knows Cole senses the disconnect as well and watches him reach back for his badge.

She intercepts his hand with hers. They both know they've stumbled into what could very likely be the headquarters for their whole case. She can only hope she and Cole haven't been made yet.

She interlaces her fingers through Coles. He slows and glances towards her. His pupils have dilated, and she knows the Marine in him is making note of every exit and every operational strength and weakness. She needs him to see through a new strategy.

She squeezes his hand, and he squeezes back, letting her take the lead.

They are in a jewellery store, so she had hoped he would take the lead and act the boyfriend trying to impress his girlfriend. It's a play she's done with Renko, and even Callen, in the past.

She pastes a smile on her face, prepared to take the lead.

"Can I help you?" Their witness, and probably suspect, asks.

Kensi brushes up against Cole, trying to look more like a couple. He is tense beside her, not used to ignoring dangers for undercover work.

"My boyfriend promised to get me something special for my birthday," she says. "He claims he didn't forget, but he's going to be in _trouble_ if I find out he's lying." The last sentence was directed at Eric, who she knows is monitoring them over their comms.

" _Loud and clear, Kens,"_ Eric says in the background. " _Back up is on the way_."

Eric's words clearly calm Cole, who is also wearing a comm in his ear. He relaxes next to her, but still doesn't say anything.

She squeezes his hand again, hard. She needs him to say something. She needs him to play the boyfriend.

He turns and looks at her.

She widens her eyes ever so slightly. "You're going to buy me something special so I don't have any reason to think you forgot my birthday, right _honey_?"

He nods as he finally seems to understand what she is doing. He releases her hand to wrap his arm around her waist. "Of course, honey," he tells her. "I would never forget your birthday."

His behaviour is good, but may be too late. Out of the corner of her eye, Kensi can see security guy walking closer to them.

"What are you interested in?" Their witness/suspect asks.

"Uh, I was thinking maybe a… bracelet?" Cole answers, though he's distracted. He clearly also sees security guy getting closer.

Their witness/suspect glances towards Kensi and then back to Cole. He clearly notices that Cole's asking him and not her about what jewellery to buy. And that's not normal. The witness/suspect looks towards the security guy, and Kensi knows they've been made.

She pushes Cole away from her as she ducks down.

Bullets fly as the security guy starts shooting. The fake customer joins in as the witness/suspect hides.

There is little to no cover in the store. Cole had also dropped when Kensi pushed him out of the line of fire. He rolls now and comes up into a crouch. He takes two shots, and manages to take out the security guy.

Kensi turns her focus on the fake customer, who drops his weapon when he realizes he's outnumbered. He raises his hands in surrender and Cole is right there with handcuffs.

Kensi quickly and carefully makes her way towards the back room, hoping to catch up with their suspect who had fled. She clears the back room and opens the back door, only to breathe a sigh of relief.

Sam has their suspect in custody.

"Nice of you to join us," she quips.

Sam huffs a laugh, though he's not smiling. "Lucky we were so close when Eric called."

Kensi makes her way back into the store. Callen is now standing with Cole. The fake customer has been taken into custody.

Callen and Cole stop talking when she gets close. Neither look particularly happy.

"Sam's got the suspect out back," she tells them.

Callen nods and leaves to join his partner.

Kensi watches him go before turning back to her own partner. "Everything okay?"

Cole takes a breath and shakes his head. "No. I let you down, Kensi. I'm sorry."

It's her turn to shake her head. "No, Cole-"

He cuts her off. "If I could have played along, we could have held off until backup arrived. I just…couldn't."

"This job is hard," she tells him. "Somethings you have to go against your instincts. It's something you have to learn. And that's okay. This was the first time we've gone undercover without notice. Next time will be easier."

He sighs. "I hope so," he tells her, though his eyes are filled with doubt.

00

When Kensi gets home, it's late.

She had checked in with Marty before leaving work, and he had promised her dinner when she got home.

She pulls her car up to her house, and turns off the ignition. The lights are on, and she knows he is inside waiting for her. It warms her heart, knowing he is there. It's been so long since she has felt like this. Cole's words from earlier come to mind, making her wonder if their time together is temporary or not. She hopes not.

She exits the car and walks up to her front door. She can hear the television, and what she thinks is Marty talking to Monty. She opens the door. Almost immediately, Monty barks and hurries to her. He wiggles and wags his way around her, happy that she is home.

Marty is not far behind. He stands back for a moment with his arms crossed, watching with amusement as Monty expresses his happiness at have Kensi back home.

Kensi is laughing when she finally manages to remove herself from the dog and fall into Marty's arms.

"I'm so happy to be home," she whispers into his chest as he holds her. She is reminded of just that morning, thinking how her concept of home had changed.

"Me, too," he tells her. He holds her a little longer than necessary, but she's not complaining. "How was your day?"

She takes a breath. "Long."

"But you're okay? Everyone you work with is okay?"

She pulls back far enough to meet his eyes. "Yes," she tells him evenly. "Everyone is okay."

He ducks down and kisses her. He makes the world tilt, but she leans back, trusting his strong arms to support her.

When he breaks the kiss, his arms are still around her, holding her close. She feels loved and supported by this perfect man. She can hear Cole's words of advice in the back of her mind. She's exhausted and this probably isn't the right time to start a long conversation. But she's too tired to keep her filters up. She opens her mouth. So does he. They speak at the same time.

"Why are you with me?" She asks.

"I made dinner," he says at the same time.

There is an awkward moment where they both process the others' words.

"I would love dinner," she says.

"What are you talking about?" He asks.

She shakes her head and then runs her hand through her hair. "Just something Cole and I were talking about. He said to just ask…but now is probably not the right time and…"

He considers her for a long moment. And then he presses a kiss to her cheek and tugs her towards the kitchen. "Come and eat. We can talk over dinner."

She follows him easily. It warms her heart, as it always does, that he knows his way around her kitchen.

He has made lasagna, which she knows is his comfort food. It makes her feel a little guilty, that he had needed comfort food after today. She knows she needs to be focused on work when she is on a case, but she wonders if she could have been better at keeping in touch through the day.

She helps him to plate the food and settles across the table from him.

"Okay, let's talk," he says.

She offers him a soft smile. "We don't have to talk tonight. I don't think it's going to be a short conversation."

"I'm not afraid of long conversations," he tells her. He meets her eyes easily. It illustrates for her just how far they have come. He understands she doesn't always find the right words to say. And she feels comfortable trying to work through her thoughts with him.

She takes a breath before getting started.

And to her surprise, it's not a long conversation after all.

"You do so much for me," she tells him. "And I was wondering what I bring to the table?"

There is an extended moment of silence where he says nothing. It makes her continue talking. "I was talking to Cole, and he said men are simple. He said if you're with me, it's for a reason, and if I want to know, I should ask."

Marty chuckles and nods. "Well, your partner is right. All you had to do was ask."

He reaches across the table for her hand, and doesn't speak again until she has placed her hand in his. "Kens, you make me happier than I thought I deserved to be. And you make me feel like I _deserve_ to be this happy."

"You make me happy, too," she tells him. "But you've done so much more for me. I don't feel like this is equal."

He frowns. "I'm not looking to keep score," he tells her.

His words silence her next ones, and then make her laugh.

"I'm sorry. Cole said the same thing; that guys don't keep score."

He smiles. "You should listen to your partner. You make me happy. You make me feel strong. And you accept me like no one has before. I love you, Kensi. But I also feel happy to be me, and I know you love me for me."

"I do," she agrees.

He shrugs. "That's everything I've ever wanted."

His answer is so simple and easy that it steals her words. "But…"

He cocks his head. And then when her words don't come, he smiles. "But nothing, Kensi. I'm happy."

"But my job…"

"Your job is tough," he agrees. "And it took me by surprise. But I still want to make this work."

"When do we know if it's working?" She asks quickly. "You keep saying you want to make this work. When do we know if it works or not?"

"It works," he responds just as quickly. "We're making it work. We already know."

"But…" She trails off again.

He cocks his head and raises an eyebrow.

"But I know my job stresses you. Like today, I know you must have worried." She pokes at the lasagna on her plate. "And I know lasagna is your comfort food."

He squeezes her hand. "I'm always going to worry about you Kensi. I love you, and that comes with worrying about you. But I know why you do what you do. I'm proud of you for doing what you do, even though I have no right to be. You're an amazing and strong person. If anything, I love you more now." He pauses. "And I didn't make comfort food for me. I knew you had a really long day. I made it for you."

His words bring tears to her eyes. "Oh," is all she can say. Her earlier guilt washes away and turns into something else. Gratitude. "It's really good," she whispers.

"You said you were going to work on forgiving yourself, Kensi," he tells her. "I'm going to have to insist that you try a little harder. You deserve to be happy. Let yourself be happy."

The tears in her eyes well and begin to flow down her cheeks. She recalls an earlier conversation with another partner. "Renko said that to me once," she tells him. "You and I were a few months in, and you had just told me about your childhood. I loved you, but I thought it was better for you if I took myself out of your life."

Marty huffs.

She smiles and nods. "He stopped me from doing something stupid. He told me that wasn't fair. He told me I was more than the job, and deserved to be happy. He told me…" She trails off and meets his eyes. "He told me things would work out between you and me. And I believed him."

He smiles softly at her. "It's why you stuck around?"

She nods.

He squeezes her hand and then drops it. He reaches for his glass. "Well that deserves a toast. To Mike Renko. Who gave really good advice, and who I wish I could thank."

She raises her glass and clinks it against his. "To Mike Renko."

They each take a sip and lower their glasses. A comfortable silence falls as they each take some time to eat their dinner.

She's almost finished when she speaks up again. "I know you're okay with my job right now, but will you always be okay? I mean-"

He cuts her off. "I've had people in my life who wanted to change me," he reminds her. "I know the difference between accepting someone right now and really accepting them for good. And I accept you, Kens. Every part of you. I'm not hoping to change you. I'm not hoping you'll get a different job."

"Oh…okay…"

He smiles at her. "I think about our first date sometimes, you know? We joked about being superheroes. Well, I joked about it. You were kind of telling the truth."

"I'm not a superhero," she argues.

"You are to me," he responds easily. "And you always will be."

"That's…crazy," she says, for lack of better response.

He smiles at her, amused. His eyes twinkle.

"This is…crazy." She repeats, still unable to come up with a better word. "It's crazy that we're talking about this so rationally. It's crazy that we're talking about this already."

"It's crazy?" He asks lightly, still amused by her reaction.

"Yes! It's crazy."

He cocks his head and his eyes are suddenly bluer than she's ever seen them. "Is it too crazy for us to get married?"


	20. Chapter 20

_**First – Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to comment on this story over the last (almost) six months. I am humbled and amazed to have hit 500 reviews on this little story. I love reading each and every one!**_

 _ **Second – In case you haven't seen it, SadieGrace has posted an alternate resolution for this story that starts at the end of chapter 11. I urge you to read it if you haven't as its excellent, and really captures what Deeks is thinking. It's chapter 46 of 'To Love At All.'**_

 _ **Third – Just answering some questions that have come up a few times… (If you don't care, skip to the chapter**_ _ **)**_

 _ **Is Deeks going to become a cop/agent in this story?**_

 _ **No. This story is about accepting each other. And in Deeks's past, there have been women who have tried to change him. Kensi accepts him as he is.**_

 _ **Will Ray be in this story?**_

 _ **No. I actually considered this, but it was too complicated to include. (Because even if Ray is working with NCIS/LAPD, Deeks wouldn't know.)**_

 _ **Will the episode Personal (where Deeks got shot) be included?**_

 _ **No. For one, we're past that story in the timeline (it happened in season 2, this story starts in season 3). And second, it seems unnecessary for this story. I wanted to focus on the issues Kensi's job and Deeks's past bring up, and not create other drama.**_

 _ **Are there going to be chapters from Deeks's POV?**_

 _ **No. Switching POVs back and forth is surprisingly difficult once you get several chapters into a story. I decided early on that this story would be only Kensi's POV. That doesn't mean a story from his POV isn't of interest. SadieGrace's chapter (noted above) is written largely from Deeks's POV and really captures what he is thinking).**_

 _ **Is Deeks aware of everything Kensi does/might have to do undercover?**_

 _ **Yes. I didn't go into great detail in their talk in chapter 14, but she's told him everything.**_

 _ **Why didn't Kensi reconnect with her mother right away (at the end of Blye, K) like on the show?**_

 _ **Because it was Deeks who said the right thing (on the show) that pushed her to go see her mother. Then it was Deeks in the story; he just didn't know about her mother that early here.**_

 _ **Why is the story wrapping up?**_

 _ **Because I never meant for this to be an ongoing story (like ADLS). I wanted to tell the story of a different Kensi and a different Deeks meeting, falling in love, and learning to live together. I think trying to push onward would take away from the story instead of adding to it. However, there will be an epilogue. And I may re-visit this in the future, either as a sequel or series of oneshots. Also, if someone is interested in writing a follow up (oneshot, sequel, something from Marty's POV) in this 'universe' I'd be open to that.**_

 _ **Will this story have a happy ending?**_

 _ **Yes!**_

* * *

Kensi is knee deep in paperwork when Sam and Cole return from their little outing.

Neither look particularly happy. Cole quickly excuses himself and heads for the shooting range.

Kensi shoots a questioning look toward Sam. "What are you doing to my partner?"

Sam meets her eyes evenly. "Trying to work on his undercover skills. Unfortunately, he doesn't seem to have many."

Kensi scoffs. She doesn't like hearing Sam say bad things about Cole. She turns to Callen for support. Unfortunately, the team leader is solidly on his partner's side and not hers.'

"Not everyone can do this job, Kensi," he says.

She huffs. "He had one bad moment. And he hadn't expected to be undercover. It took him by surprise. I took him by surprise. Give him a break."

"It's not just one moment," Sam reminds her.

After Cole's difficulty undercover almost three weeks earlier, Kensi and Cole had been sent undercover numerous times for practice. Sometimes it was within a case, and sometimes it wasn't. Sometimes they played a couple, sometimes siblings, sometimes friends, and sometimes strangers. Even with practice and warning and coaching, Cole struggles to fall into character, stay in character and act naturally.

"He's a good partner, Kensi," Sam speaks up. "He's got your back, and you two are establishing trust. We all see that. But he needs to be more than a field agent. He _needs_ to be able to work undercover to work in this unit."

"He will," she insists. "He'll learn." She stands to follow her partner.

"We hope he does," Sam says.

"But this isn't a job you can learn," Callen calls after her. "You're either a born operator or you're not."

Sam argues with his partner that an operator can be made, but Kensi isn't interested in listening.

Kensi ignores the senior partners as she leaves the bullpen. She finds her partner in the shooting range. She waits for him to empty his clip before opening the door.

He looks towards her, but avoids eye contact. "You give your boy an answer yet?"

She crosses her arms over her chest. "You avoiding the subject?"

"You didn't say anything. I thought I could start a subject."

She rolls her eyes. "Fine. And, no. No answer yet. Because, technically, there hasn't been a real question yet."

He huffs a laugh. "Making him work for it? That's okay, I guess. My wife made me jump through some hoops when I proposed."

"There are no hoops. And he didn't propose. He asked if it was too crazy for us to get married. I told him it wasn't. End of story." It's not quite the whole story. She doesn't tell Cole how her heart had skipped a beat. She doesn't tell him that Marty had assured her he would be getting a ring and getting down on one knee. Soon. And that was three weeks ago, so maybe really soon.

She also doesn't tell him that the last three weeks have been the most hectic, the most life changing, and the absolute best of her adult life. She's felt a connection with Marty since the day she met him. And she's known she loves him, and that he loves her back, for more than half a year. But there's always been something holding them back. There's always been a wedge between them, no matter how big or small. At first, she was holding back the truth about her life. Then Marty found out and she spent several months uncertain of their future.

But there's no uncertainty anymore. There's no wedge between them. And there's nothing holding them back.

"You're lucky he loves you," Cole says dryly, trying to joke with her.

She nods. "I know," she says, and is proud of herself for being able to say with confidence.

"I'm glad you're happy, Kensi."

She nods her appreciation, but then frowns. "I'm not happy that you're not happy."

He turns to her and finally meets her eyes. "I'm a Marine. And I've been an NCIS agent for five years. I'm good at what I do. And when I find a weakness, I work hard to make sure it's not a weakness anymore."

She nods. Her partner is damn good at most everything he does. He is confident and level headed. She doesn't have to worry about him in the field, and she trusts him to have her back.

"I'm good at what I do, but I'm not good at this job."

She shakes her head. "You're good at this job, you're just struggling with one part of it."

He sighs and shakes his head. His expression is self-defeat, but not self-deprecating. He's honestly assessed himself. He's not looking for her to make him feel better. "This unit specializes in undercover work. I don't. Therefore, I am not good at this job, and I don't belong in this unit."

"You'll get better," she insists. She knows, of course, that his undercover skills are severely lacking. But she wants him to be able to change.

He offers her a grateful smile. "Are you saying that because you believe it, or because you want to believe it?"

His question catches her off guard and for a moment she does not have a response. He has a point, and she doesn't like it.

"Callen said that this isn't something you can learn. Sam said you can learn, but you need to start with natural skills. It's something that either comes natural or not."

"Callen and Sam don't know what they're talking about," she says, knowing she sounds irrational as she says it, but not caring.

He raises an eyebrow.

"Okay, they usually know what they're talking about. But they don't see you in the field. They don't see how good of an agent you are."

Cole stares at her for a long moment, and she feels like he's seeing more than she wants him to. She doesn't like it, and she's sure she isn't going to like what he says next.

He steps forward and offers her a soft smile. "You're a really good partner, Kensi," he tells her. "And I appreciate you standing up for me now."

"It's the truth."

He nods. "I know I'm good at what I do. And I know I'm good in the field." He pauses before pushing on. "And I know you've watched two partners go down in the field."

She feels her eyes well with tears and shakes her head. She wants him to stop.

He pushes on anyway. "I know you've watched two partners die, Kensi. I lost friends on my tours. I know what that feels like." He pats his own chest with his hand, right over his heart. "I know, so I speak from experience when I tell you this. I know you've watched two partners die in the field. And I know you look at me and see a partner who can take care of himself in the field. I know I was easy to connect with, because you see my experience and think there's less of a chance I'll go down in the field."

His words hit home harder than she expects. Her arms are still crossed over her chest and she hugs herself a little tighter. She hadn't put it all together before, and now that it's pointed out to her so confidently, she can't deny it. She's felt safe with him in the field. But she'd also known very quickly that he was safe in the field.

"I feel the same way," he continues. "You're a damn good partner. And if we were regular field agents, I think this partnership would work well. But I see you as an agent who is good in the field _and_ good undercover. I know we can have each other's backs in the field, but I don't have your back undercover. And I could never live with myself if I got you hurt, or worse. And we both know worse could happen."

Kensi blinks against the sting in her eyes. "What are you saying?"

He clears his throat. "There's an opening in the LA Field office."

She flinches at his words, but doesn't look away.

"Hetty mentioned it. I haven't applied yet. But I think I should. Hetty said she could still call me in to help when you guys need it. But I would be working with an MCRT unit, and not working undercover."

"Does is matter what I think?"

He shakes his head. "It matters. That's why I'm talking to you first. I'm not going to be another partner who leaves, Kensi. I want to be the partner who does right by you."

She takes a deep breath. "I don't want you to leave. But I also understand what you're saying." She hesitates before adding, "And I really appreciate it."

He offers her a smile. "You belong here, Kensi. I don't."

He is confident in his words, and she cannot deny the truth behind them. "I wish you did."

"I do, too. But I'll be close by." He smirks. "More than close enough to be around for your wedding."

She huffs and rolls her eyes. "There is no wedding."

" _Yet._ There's no wedding yet. There will be, though. Soon." He winks at her. "I'm sure of it."

00

A week later, and Cole is gone. Kensi misses her partner, but she knows he made the right choice. She couldn't will him to be better undercover, no matter how hard she tried.

It's early still. Callen and Sam are working out in the gym. She would normally join them, but doesn't feel like it. Instead, she gets started on her paperwork. Half an hour passes before she is caught by surprise by a familiar voice.

"It's tough having that desk empty again, isn't it?" Hetty stands beside her, staring at the empty desk beside Sam's desk.

Kensi startles, but covers for it as best she can. She turns to her boss. "Yes," she answers honestly. "But I understand why he left."

"Mr. Cole was a good agent," Hetty continues. "I thought giving you a partner who was experienced in the field would be helpful to you."

Kensi smiles softly. "Cole said something along those lines. He said he knew he was good in the field, and he knew that helped me connect with him because I didn't have to worry about…" She trails off.

Hetty nods knowingly. "You didn't have to worry about losing another partner," she finishes.

"Yeah."

Hetty stares at her for a long moment. "You know that the loss of none of your partners has been your fault."

"I know," she says.

Hetty nods, but continues anyway. "You are an excellent agent, Kensi. You need a partner who matches you. I'm sorry we haven't found him yet."

"It's okay, Hetty. I know you're trying."

"I am trying," she agrees. "You need a partner who matches your skills. But I think you also need a partner who will challenge you. Keep you on your toes. Annoy you, even. Push you to be even better."

Kensi smiles. "Well, let me know if you find him."

Hetty nods. "I will certainly do so." She offers Kensi a smile. "Now, how are things going on other fronts? Are there wedding bells chiming yet?"

Kensi almost laughs out loud. "Why is everyone so nosey about this?" Cole had made her promise to let her know when she (finally) got (officially) engaged. And in his absence, Callen and Sam had taken it upon themselves to ask daily. Even Eric and Nell were asking regularly in not-so-subtle ways.

Hetty pats her on the shoulder. "It's because we care, Kensi. We care."

00

Kensi goes home that night to Marty and Monty.

There may not be a ring on her finger yet, but they are moving forward like there is. She is in the process of moving in with him and putting her house on the market. They'll live at his house for now, at least, and probably buy something together in the next year.

There are boxes everywhere. Both Marty and Monty are being good sports with her boxes taking over the living room. Marty helps her box up and move her things with a smile, and Monty inspects every single box that comes into his home with a sniffing nose and wagging tail.

"Honey, I'm home," she calls jokingly as she lets herself in the front door. Marty had taken a rare day off, and so has been home all day.

Monty appears from the living room, circles her twice as he chuffs a hello, and then hurries back to the living room.

She laughs as she catches sight of the happy canine now.

Clearly Marty has been busy. He has stacked several of her boxes to make three walls, and draped a blanket over the top, making a small, makeshift 'house' for the dog. Monty sits proudly in the opening, wagging his tail as he stares at Kensi. It's almost as if he is looking for her approval.

"What a lucky boy you are," she tells him. "What a nice house!"

He chuffs and circles once before laying down.

"He's been there pretty much all day," Marty says in greeting as he appears from the stairs. He's wearing baggy shorts and an old tee shirt. His hair is mussed, and it's clear he's been working.

"You boys clearly got a lot of work done today," she says with a raised eyebrow.

He chuckles and leans in for a kiss. "Well, I did. Monty is kind of lazy."

She laughs. "But he somehow managed to make himself a house out of my boxes?"

"He's a dog of many talents."

"He's talented at making you do things for him," she retorts.

He chuckles and snakes his hands around her waist. "Fair point," he says before pecking her on the lips. "But he's got you doing things for him, too."

She makes a face, but knows she cannot argue. She kisses him back as she hooks her hands around his neck. "Did you have a good day off?"

He nods. "Cleaned up the spare room and closet, put some of my stuff into boxes to store until we move into a bigger house, moved the dresser in the bedroom to make room for yours, and got dinner in the oven."

She smiles. "You are the perfect man."

He smiles back. "I try."

Kensi laughs, but stays close to Marty. She's grateful for how amazing he has been lately. She's grateful for how accommodating he's been with her and her things, and she's grateful he loves her as much as she loves him. She's a little amazed at what her life has become in less than a year.

"I asked Hetty and she said I could take tomorrow off. It'll give me an extra day this weekend to get my stuff organized." She glances at the boxes in the living room and knows that arranging them to make a dog house is not a long-term solution, despite how much the dog would like that. "I'm sorry this was so rushed."

He frowns. "I know it's been less than a year, but-"

She cuts him off with a kiss. "I don't mean moving in…or getting married," she pauses to raise an eyebrow at him and laughs when he chuckles. "I just meant we could have slowed down and moved my things a little slower. We rushed when we didn't have to." In their excitement for moving in together, they hadn't slowed down to prepare. There had been no cleaning or purging of either of their things before they started loading her things into boxes and adding them to his. Now they're in an overfull house dealing with duplicate items and not enough space for anything.

He shrugs in good nature. "I just wanted you here."

Her heart melts just a little at his words. "I wanted to be here, too."

His arms tighten around her as he holds her close. "I'm so…happy. Have I mentioned that?"

"Mmm, not since yesterday," she replies. She rests her head against his shoulder and closes her eyes. "I'm happy, too."

He runs his hands up and down her spine. "It's worth all the work to have you here all the time."

It's her turn to hug him a little closer. "Thank you."

His hands continue to move up and down her back, starting to dip a little lower. "We're going to be so happy."

"We are," she agrees.

His hands dip even lower along her back, and stop suddenly when they run into something unexpected.

Kensi's eyes spring open and she practically jumps backwards, out of Marty's arms.

"Marty, I am so sorry," she sputters. She's so used to carrying her handgun in the back of her waistband, that she hadn't even felt it until he had. "I always remember to remove it, but…" She trails off for a moment. He is staring at her with an even gaze. He doesn't look upset. She takes a breath. "This is starting to feel like home. And I forgot. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I bring files home from work…I guess you bringing your gun home is sort of the same."

She smiles, grateful for the attempt. "It's not the same, and we both know that. But I love you for trying."

He smiles back at her and takes a step forward, removing the space she had put between them. "One of the things I did when I cleaned up the closet was to make sure there is a space for your safe."

She swallows hard. "Would you be okay with that?"

He nods. "Of course." He reaches up to brush her hair behind her ear. "I don't want you to feel like you have to hide your work from me."

She snakes her hands around his hips and rests them at the small of his back. "I don't want to hide from you. But I also don't want to make you feel uncomfortable."

"I don't feel uncomfortable. I…" He trails off as he stares at her for a long moment. "I still feel haunted by what I had to do when I was a kid. But talking to you has helped. A lot." He actually laughs. "I've seen five shrinks since I was eleven to deal with shooting my father. And they all focused on me not blaming myself. They all focused on me being a vulnerable kid in a bad situation, who couldn't help what happened. But you made me see it differently."

When he pauses, she hugs him a little tighter and waits patiently for him to continue.

"What I did was horrible, and scarring. But it was also brave. I _did_ have a choice. Shoot him or die. I stood up for myself, and my mom. I survived." He looks down for a moment, and then looks back to her. "When we talked on the beach, after Renko's funeral, you told me that taking lives is a necessary part of your job." He swallows hard and looks her right in the eye. "You said you hated it, but it was necessary, and that you never regretted it. You said it with so much integrity and honesty." He shakes his head. "That stuck with me. Because you _understand_ what I did. You've had to the same thing, only worse and more often. But you own it. You don't hide from the knowledge. You embrace it and accept it." He pauses again.

"You made me see it differently. I don't want to hide from it anymore. I want to embrace what I did. I want to be proud of what I did. My dad was a monster. I saved myself, and my mom."

"You did," she agrees. She removes one hand from his back to run her fingers through his hair. "And I'm so glad you did. I'm so glad you're here."

He takes a deep, cleansing breath. "I've been thinking… I kind of want to replace my one memory of firing a gun. Do you think you'd maybe take me to a shooting range one day?"

His words take her by complete surprise, but she finds herself nodding. "Of course. Whatever you need."

He's hesitant, but determined. "Maybe this weekend?"

"Yes, of course." She drops her hand to his shoulder. "As long as you're sure?"

He nods. "I'm sure." He stares into her eyes for a moment and cocks his head. "I'm sure of so many things these days, Kensi. All starting with you."


	21. Chapter 21

_**Don't worry. The 'real' proposal is coming. And I won't make you wait 29 episodes…I mean chapters.**_

 _ **I'm looking for advice/help if anyone has run into the same problem. I can't access roughly half the PMs in my inbox. The PM and the 'bar' each PM sits in doesn't line up, so half way down the page or so (on each page of the inbox), I can't open or delete messages. I've tried two different browsers to the same issue. I tried getting the app to see if that made a difference, but all it did was load three PMs (2 from 2014 and 1 from 2016). It didn't load any other old ones and doesn't load any new ones. Has anyone else had this problem? Any solutions to either issue? Thanks!**_

* * *

Kensi takes Marty to a local shooting range Saturday morning. She picks one that is small and less likely to be used by professionals like herself. She also picks one that hangs circular targets and not humanoid outlines.

Marty is quiet in the morning, is quiet on the car ride over, and continues to be quiet when she checks them in. She is worried, but every time she asks him if he is sure, he tells her the same thing. He is sure. He wants to do this.

He is quiet, but he is sure.

She picks a booth at the end, away from other people, wanting to give him privacy if he needs it.

She has brought her own weapon and lays it out on the small platform between them and the shooting range. She turns to meet Marty's eyes.

"Tell me what you're feeling?" She urges.

He runs a hand through his hair. He is nervous. "I'm not quite sure."

She nods in understanding. She wants to ask him again if he's sure, but bites her tongue. He wants to do this, and she wants to support him.

He stares at the gun laying on the platform for a long moment.

"You can touch it," she urges.

He exhales a laughing breath and reaches halfway towards the gun before pausing. Then he shuts his eyes with a ragged exhale.

Kensi reaches to grip his forearm and squeezes. She knows he is wrestling his demons and she desperately wants to help. She knows he is remembering his last experience with guns. His body shudders.

"I'm here," she whispers.

"I know," he whispers back.

She stays close, allowing him time to feel his feelings. She can support him, but he's the only one who can fight off his inner demons.

When he opens his eyes, they are lighter than before. He is winning his inner war.

"Will you go first?" He asks.

"You want me to shoot?" She asks.

He nods. "Yeah."

"Okay." She nods. She waits for a long moment before reaching for the provided ear protection. She passes him one and then puts on her own. He follows suit.

She picks up her gun and turns off the safety. She glances at him before shooting, to make sure he really is okay. He offers her a small smile.

It's enough to make her move forward. She assumes an easy shooting stance and lifts her hands. She aims and fires once. Twice. Three times. Then she turns on the safety and lays the gun back down.

She glances at Marty, hoping he is okay. He is still staring at her, confident and determined. She takes off her ear protection and waits for him to do the same.

"You ready?"

He nods.

She presses the retrieval button to pull the target towards them. She removes the used target and turns to reach for another one. Marty is one step ahead of her. He is holding a fresh target out to her. She attaches it and presses the button again to return the target to the end of the range.

It's his turn.

He is uncertain. She nudges him to face the range. Her hands find his hips and guide him into a shooting stance.

She holds up the gun and waits for him to reach for it. He holds it too carefully.

"Like this," she murmurs, using her fingers to adjust his grip. "And like this," she says again as she closes her hand over his to strengthen his grip.

He takes a breath, and for a moment she wonders if this is all too much. But then his fingers adjust one at a time as he finds a comfortable grip.

"Turn off the safety when you're ready," she says, switching the safety off and then back on to demonstrate. "And then just pull the trigger and aim that way."

She replaces her ear protection and reaches to replace Marty's for him.

He holds up the gun for a long moment before switching off the safety. His fingers are unsure, but he manages to repeat the step she had shown him.

Then he raises the gun, takes a breath, and fires.

And misses. By a lot.

He releases a breath and fires again.

He misses again.

This time he laughs.

He fires again and misses again.

He puts down the gun and turns to Kensi. He removes his ear protection. "This is hard," he voices.

Whatever she may have expected him to say, that wasn't it. She laughs as she reaches to turn the safety back on for him.

"You have to aim," she tells him. She reloads the gun and then holds it up for him to see. "You look through here," she points at the sight. "And keep the gun level towards what you're aiming at."

He nods and reaches to try again. He raises the gun, and takes a long moment to line it up as she had shown him. Then he pulls the trigger and nothing happens.

She reaches to tap at the safety in reminder.

He nods and turns the safety off.

He lines up his shot again. He pulls the trigger.

And misses.

He shifts his body and raises the gun again. He takes a long moment to aim.

This time when he fires, it hits the outer ring of the target.

He turns the safety back on and puts the gun down.

When he turns to face her, he is smiling. He is proud of himself.

"That was really good, Marty," she tells him.

"It felt good," he replies. "I'm glad I came here." He pauses. "Thank you."

She reaches for his hand and then steps closer and reaches up to press a kiss to his cheek. "I'm glad this was a good experience for you."

"Can I keep the target?" He asks.

She glances down the range toward the target and then back to him. "You want to keep it?"

He nods. "We could put it on our fridge," he jokes.

She laughs and nods. "Yeah. Of course, we can keep it." She presses the button the bring it close.

Marty removes it and holds it out with a smile.

He turns to her. "I feel good," he tells her. "I expected to feel better after doing this, but I didn't expect to feel this good. I feel…freer."

"I'm glad." She reaches into her purse for a pen and finds a sharpie. She holds it out to him. "Let's date it."

He takes the sharpie and thinks for a moment before writing the date, along with ' _A Good Memory_.'

"Perfect."

He leans close to press a kiss to the side of her head. "Thank you."

"You ready to go?"

He surprises her when he shakes his head. "I want to watch you shoot again."

She shrugs. "Okay."

"Bet you can't beat me," he taunts jokingly, holding up his target, with the single bullet hole on the outer ring.

She tries to fight it, but he's triggered her inner competitive spirit. She sets up the range again and quickly empties her clip. Every single one hits the centre.

When she turns back, he is staring at her with open admiration. "You're amazing," he tells her. "A real superhero."

She tries to wave off his admiration, but he doesn't let her.

"Seriously, Kensi," he says. "I'm amazed by you."

"Marty," She whispers. "I'm not…"

"You are," he insists.

She ducks her head, but allows herself to smile at his words. "Thank you."

He pecks her on the cheek before holding up the sharpie again. He quickly goes to work adding another sentence to his target. _Marty got his ass kicked by superhero-Kensi._

00

On Sunday morning, they go surfing.

True to his word from their second date, Marty has been teaching her to surf.

Never one to back down from a challenge, Kensi is progressing in her skills. It's not her favourite activity, but Marty's enthusiasm is contagious. She always enjoys their mornings in the water together.

"Nice one!" He calls after she surfaces from her most recent ride. She had managed to get up and stay up on a larger wave than she'd ever attempted before. And she'd ridden it almost to shore before her balance finally failed and she crashed into the water.

She's drenched, her hair is out of control and the water is freezing. But she smiles at his praise. She loves doing things like this with him.

She manages to wrangle her board towards shore. He is waiting for her and pecks her on the lips.

"One more?" He asks.

She pretends to thinks about it. Then she turns and runs into the water. "Race you out."

He is only seconds behind her. She may be the one with the physical job, but he's taller and more conditioned to the water. With his longer legs, he manages to run faster and further than her before jumping onto his board and paddling. His longer arms allow for strong strokes in the water.

He beats her. By a lot.

She sticks her tongue out at him as she finally catches up. "Cheater," she calls jokingly.

He laughs. "How am I the cheater? You got a head start."

She rolls her eyes and joins him in laughing. The waves currently rolling in are smaller than wanted. They sit on their boards beside each other, ankles hooked together to stay close, and stare together along the beach.

"It's beautiful here," she tells him. "I get why you like this so much."

"It is beautiful," she agrees, smiling at her.

She ignores the double meaning behind his words. "I like surfing with you."

He beams and carefully leans over to press a kiss to her cheek.

She turns her head and kisses his lips before he leans back away.

"I was thinking," he starts.

"Thinking is good," she cheeks.

He huffs in good nature. "I was thinking," he says again. "Maybe we could go to Hawaii and surf there."

She smiles. "You want to go away?" They both have busy jobs, so getting away together hasn't been something they've done yet, but with some planning she's pretty sure they could make it work. It's definitely something she wants to do.

"Yeah," he says, smiling back at her. "For our honeymoon."

Her heart swells at the reminder that this amazing man wants to marry her. There's only one problem. "Pretty hard to have a honeymoon without getting married," she says lightly.

He keeps smiling at her. "Oh, we're getting married."

"Really? When?"

He shrugs. "Soon."

She raises an eyebrow. "Really? Cause I don't see a ring on this finger yet, mister." She holds up her left hand.

Marty captures her hand and threads his fingers through hers. "Working on it," he tells her.

Kensi smiles at the man who loves her, who she loves, and feels the now-familiar swell of happiness in her chest. "You know, I don't actually need the ring and the proposal. I-"

"Of course, you do," he assures her. "And you're going to get it. Soon."

"Okay," she says, smiling. "And in the meantime, we can plan a honeymoon in Hawaii."

"You good with Hawaii?" He asks.

"Yes. As long as you're there with me."

He stares at her for a long moment. His eyes are more open than she's ever seen. She had hoped going to the shooting range the day before would be good for him. She had never thought it would be _this_ good for him.

"Oh, Kens… I always want to be with you."

"Me, too, Marty." She leans in close to kiss him again. She pulls away and stares into his eyes for a long moment. "Marty?"

"Yeah?"

"Race you to shore." She presses her hands against his chest, throwing him off balance and off the board.

She turns and paddles as hard as she can along a new wave. She can hear his roaring affirmation as he accepts her challenge, but doesn't dare look back. She has to concentrate to keep her balance as she rises to her knees, and then her feet. The wave is smaller than her previous one, and she rides it easily into shore.

She beats Marty to shore. But not by much. With how close he is behind her, she wonders if maybe he let her win.

He captures her in a wet hug and laughs against the side of her head. The rising sun is well into the sky now and the sand on the beach is starting to warm. It's a beautiful morning, and she's not the least bit sorry to be spending it here with Marty.

"You're such a cheater."

She laughs along with him. "You're just slow," she calls back at him.

"I'm going to have to up my game, huh? To keep up with you?"

She smirks. "Only if you want to keep up."

"Oh, I want to. And I will."

He kisses her and then releases her.

"Want to hit the food trucks for breakfast?" She asks.

"Second breakfast?" He teases.

"I had half a bagel," she retorts. "That barely counts."

Apparently, he can't help but want to be as close to her as she does him. He steps back into her space and kisses her again. "I also had half a bagel," he reminds her.

She forces a serious expression to her face. "Then you must be starving," she deadpans.

He releases her again. "Let's get breakfast. Again."

She turns to pick up her board.

"But one more thing first," he says.

She turns back around and her eyes drop to find him.

He's on one knee in front of her. And he's holding up a ring.

"Marty…" She whispers in her surprise.

He smirks, proud of himself for surprising her. "I was going to ask out on the water." He waves his free hand behind him towards the water. "But I was terrified I was going to drop the ring."

She wants to say something in response, but she's suddenly mute. She drops to her knees in front of him.

He takes a breath and reaches for her hand. "Kensi Marie Blye. Will you marry me?"

"Yes."

* * *

 _ **For those who care to know… When I was writing a flashback of A Different Love Story where Kensi took Deeks to the shooting range for the first time in college, this is when I came up with the idea for this story.**_


	22. Chapter 22

_**We've just about come to the end of this story. This is the last real chapter. There will be an epilogue posted in the next week. I've loved writing this story, and hope to revisit this 'universe' in the future. Thank you to everyone who has supported this story, and taken the time to leave reviews. I've read and cherished each one.**_

 _ **For those who have asked, I will be getting back to ADLS once Law & Order is complete. The next chapter is almost finished.**_

* * *

 **Monday.**

Kensi arrives for work with her engagement ring on a chain around her neck. She is not sure what the protocol is here. She thinks she probably shouldn't be wearing it to work regularly, but isn't ready to leave it behind at home.

She and Marty had made the most of their morning, and put off leaving the house as long as possible. Because of this, she arrives to work just on the verge of being late, and well after everyone else.

Sam and Callen both look up from their paperwork to say good morning. She returns the greeting and takes her seat. She watches out of the corner of her eye as Sam looks back down and then immediately back at her with narrowed eyes.

Callen hasn't stopped staring at her since he looked up the first time. He and Sam exchange a look.

She huffs, wishing they couldn't read her so easily. "What?"

Sam is still staring at her through narrowed eyes. "You seem happy," he observes.

Callen nods his agreement. "Really happy. Like, Eric-when-he-finally-reached-one-thousand-facebook-friends-happy. Not Kensi-happy."

She mock glares at him. "What exactly is that supposed to mean?"

He shrugs. "You're not usually this happy."

"What did you do this weekend?" Sam asks. He has a glint in his eyes like he thinks he knows the answer.

She shrugs. "Went to the shooting range. Went surfing. Got engaged." She tries to deadpan the last one, but she can't stop the smile that comes to her face.

Sam is quick to jump up and congratulate her. He pulls her to her feet and hugs her. "This is a good thing," he tells her.

She nods. "It is."

Callen eventually clears his throat and hip checks his partner out of the way. "Stop hogging her." He hugs her as well.

"Congrats, Kensi," he tells her. "All joking aside, it's really nice to see you so happy."

"Thanks, Callen."

Sam crosses his arms over his chest, but is still smiling. "You know this means we have to meet Marty now, right?"

She rolls her eyes. "You've met him."

"For a minute." Sam says.

"At a funeral." Callen adds.

"We need to really vet him. Make sure he's good enough."

She huffs. "Isn't that my decision to make?"

"Yes," Sam says. "But…"

"You have questionable judgment," Callen jokes.

She laughs. "Yeah, questionable judgement for choosing to work here with you people."

Callen laughs. "We're not looking to interrogate the man."

Sam nods as he joins in. "Just a week or so of observation."

"Have Eric run a background check."

"Interview his family and friends."

"Monitor him at work."

She rolls her eyes. "You guys do any of those things and I will make your lives a living hell."

"In all seriousness, Kensi," Sam says. "We just want to know him. You're family. And if he's going to be your family, too, then we should know him."

She is surprised to feel a sting in her eyes. Not so many years ago, she had no one. Now she has so many people in her life who care about her. She has her work family, her mother, and Marty. "Well, maybe you guys should come over and really meet him. You free on Saturday?"

"We can be free on Saturday," Sam agrees.

Callen nods. "We'll be there."

"Good." She turns to Sam. "And if we're all about being family, then you should bring your wife."

"I'll bring Michelle," he agrees.

She smirks. "Good. That way if you step over the line with Marty, I'll do the same thing…"

Sam huffs a laugh. "Good luck. Michelle can handle herself."

She keeps smirking. "You don't give Marty nearly enough credit."

Her words have the desired effect of rendering Sam temporarily without words.

Callen steps in for his partner. "I know exactly what I'm going to get you for an engagement present."

She glares at him, knowing from his tone this is going to be a joke. "What?"

Callen exchanges a look with his partner. As usual, the partners are on the same page and Sam jumps in.

"We'll get your fiancé a haircut," Sam says.

Despite her attempt to keep a straight face as the boys tease her about Deeks, she can't help but feel her heart swell at Marty being called her fiancé for the first time.

"I happen to like his hair."

* * *

 **Tuesday.**

A new agent shows up in the office. Agent Charlie Black.

The team spends most of the morning teasing him about his name and 'accidentally' calling him Agent Brown.

Black takes the ribbing in stride and gives as good as he gets. He doesn't settle easily, though, and Sam has to 'suggest' he stop talking a few times.

When the team is called into the field later in the day, Black goes with them to observe.

What starts as questioning witnesses, quickly turns into a firefight. Black is quick to jump in to help, but doesn't listen to the team and runs towards the shooting.

Kensi tries to stop him, but he gets passed her. Callen yells at him. Finally, Sam tackles him.

When the situation is under control, Sam lectures the agent on the difference between being brave and being stupid. The hope is he was simply trying to make a good impression on his first day.

Later, Kensi gets home to a Marty-less house. It's not unusual for him to work late. She takes Monty for a short walk, and then rolls up her sleeves in the kitchen. She's no chef, but she can make something simple. She decides on chicken and pasta.

Dinner is mostly ready when Marty arrives home.

"That smells so good," he tells her. He shuffles up behind her and snakes his hands around her waist.

She leans back against him. "Should be ready in five minutes."

"How was your day?"

She groans.

"That good?"

She turns in his arms and reaches her hands to rest at the back of his neck. "New agent started today. Charlie Black."

Marty huffs a laugh. "Oh, man, that name… I wouldn't be able to not call him Charlie Brown."

Kensi can't help the smile that fills her face. "You would fit in really well at work, have I ever told you that?"

He smiles back at her. "Could I introduce myself as _Deeks, Marty Deeks_?"

She laughs. "Probably not."

He pretends to be disappointed before sobering. "Why was your day hard?"

"Black is just…I don't know that he's a good fit. At first I thought he was trying too hard. But he was pretty consistent all day. Like he's off his Adderall or something."

He nods. "Maybe he'll settle down after a couple days."

"I hope so." She cocks her head and smiles at him. "How was your day? Did something come up? You were late getting home."

He makes a face. "I was late because my mom called me right as I was about to leave. And you know how she gets if I avoid her calls."

She nods.

"And, well, I told her we're getting married." Despite his frustration with his mom, he smiles. "And then I got to listen to her get super excited, then yell at me for waiting two days to tell her, then back to super excited, then go into overdrive with questions I had no answers to."

"Like, date, location, food, dress, etcetera, etcetera?"

He nods. "Exactly."

"My team has been on me about that, too."

"It's only been two days."

"Exactly." She reaches up to kiss him. "We'll get there."

He kisses her back. "We will get there." He hesitates for a moment. "And I invited my mom over for Saturday. I know it was just going to be your team, but she kind of demanded, and I gave in. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Your mom's awesome."

"I love you for thinking that."

"She's awesome," Kensi repeats. "And I like her. She's a little…"

"Crazy?" He supplies.

"Eccentric," Kensi says. "When she wants to be. But my team can handle that. It'll be fine." She pauses for a moment. "And we never said it could only be my team. It just started with them. Why don't you invite some coworkers, too?"

He purses his lips as he considers her suggestion. "Would that be okay? I know your team keeps a low profile."

She nods. "We all know how to stay under the radar. And we all have working aliases for public situations. It won't be a problem."

"Okay. I'll ask a few coworkers. And maybe a few college friends?"

She nods. "And I guess we should invite Mindy."

"She'll be smug," he points out.

She makes a face and then leans up to kiss him. "I guess she has a right to be smug."

* * *

 **Wednesday.**

Kensi sits across from her mother, playing her with hands. She doesn't know why she is nervous. Her mother had been out of her life for so long. She got herself through school, got herself into NCIS and met the man of her dreams, all without her mother around.

She doesn't need her mother's approval. But she desperately wants it.

"How is Marty doing?" Julia asks as she stirs her tea. They are sitting together in Julia's kitchen. "Am I ever going to get to meet him?"

"You've met him," Kensi counters quickly. "Why does everyone keep saying they haven't met him when they have?"

Julia smiles patiently at her daughter. "I have _met_ him twice," she points out. "For about thirty seconds each time."

Kensi makes a face and looks down at her coffee. After joking with Marty about meeting her mother then night she had finally mustered the courage to knock on her mother's door for the first time in fifteen years, Kensi had followed through with actually putting them together in the same room. The only times her mother and Marty had met were twice when Marty had dropped her off, and the meetings was short and in the driveway of her mother's house.

At first, she wanted to avoid making Marty deal another one of her problems.

But now they've talked a lot about not keeping score. They're no longer only dating and involved in one another's life. They engaged and building a life _together_.

Julia mistakes Kensi's silence for hesitation. "Kensi, honey. I'm so glad we've reconnected. And I want to be part of your life. I only want to know Marty because he's important to you. But if I'm overstepping-"

"You're not overstepping," Kensi cuts in. She looks up from her coffee and meets her mother's eyes. She offers her a smile. "I'm glad we're part of each other's lives again. And I want you to know Marty. He is important to me." She pauses. "And I, uh, actually have some news."

Julia sits up a little straighter, looking eager for whatever Kensi is about to tell her. And Kensi doesn't miss the way Julia's eyes shift down to her left hand for just a fraction of a second.

Kensi clears her throat and reaches into her pocket for her engagement ring. She hadn't been sure how she was going to tell her mother, and hadn't wanted seeing the ring to give everything away.

"Marty and I are getting married," she says quietly. She holds up the ring for a moment before sliding it back onto her finger. It's still new, but the weight of the ring is comfortable and quickly getting familiar. She holds her mother's gaze for a long moment. She can't decipher the expression on Julia's face. It gets to be a little too much and she looks down again.

Julia surprises her when she stands up and hurries around the table. "Oh, Kensi."

Kensi allows her mother to tug her to her feet. And then Julia hugs her. Kensi only hesitates for a moment, still not used to having her mother in her life, before hugging her back.

"I'm so happy for you," Julia says. She pulls back, smiling at Kensi. There are tears in her eyes.

"Thank you," Kensi says quietly.

Julia releases a laughing breath. "You've been here for fifteen minutes! I can't believe you waited so long to tell me."

Kensi laughs, encouraged by her mother's smile. "I'm sorry. I didn't know how to bring it up."

Julia reaches for her hand and lifts it to have a good look at the ring. "He did good."

Kensi nods. "He did." She loves the ring. It's simple and beautiful, with a pair of diamonds set into a white gold band.

Julia squeezes her hand and releases it. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"With?"

Julia laughs again. "With planning the wedding?"

"Oh, that…" She laughs as well. "It's only been a couple days. We haven't really started to plan anything. We're thinking something small, but we don't know when. Or where. Or everything else we need to figure out."

Julia smiles warmly at her daughter. "I'm sure it will be perfect no matter what you decide." She reaches for Kensi's hands and squeezes them. "I don't want to overstep, but I really want to help with everything you need help with."

Kensi squeezes her mother's hands back. "I'd really like that."

Julia hesitates before continuing. "And I think I'm going to have to insist on really meeting this man of yours now."

Kensi knows her mother is joking, and is nervous Kensi may take it too seriously. Their relationship is moving forward, but moving forward slowly. She wants desperately to have a strong relationship with her mother, and she's sure her mother feels the same way. She laughs to tell her mother her joke is okay.

"Well, we're actually having my team over on Saturday. I'd- We'd really like it if you came to…if you're free."

"Absolutely," Julia says immediately. "I'll be there."

* * *

 **Thursday.**

In a quiet moment at work, Kensi finds a moment of privacy to make the call she has been meaning to make all week.

It's not that she's been avoiding the call. She just hasn't spoken with her former partner since he left, other than a quick text when he started his new job at the LA Field Office. He had told her to keep in touch, and to tell him when she got engaged. She hopes he meant it.

" _Hello, partner,"_ he greets as soon as he picks up the phone.

"You're not my partner anymore," she retorts. "You left me for another partner."

Cole laughs. " _Not exactly how I remember it. Also, I don't have a new partner_."

"No one wanted you?"

He laughs again. " _Did you call for a reason Kensi? Or just to taunt me about what I'm missing out on_?"

She laughs as well, but sobers quickly. "Uh, actually, yes. I'm calling for a reason."

" _Is it the reason I think it might be_?" He asks.

She makes a face. "I hate that I'm such an easy read to everyone."

" _Only because we care_ ," he says easily. " _Now tell me your news so I can be happy for you_."

"Marty asked me to marry him," she says.

" _And I'm happy for you. I told you that boy was all in."_

"I know you did."

" _Any plans yet_?"

"Not exactly."

" _Well, if you need any help, Ellie and I put together our wedding in two months_."

"Didn't you have some huge wedding?" She asks.

" _Almost three hundred people. Ellie has a huge family. And I was a Marine brat, like you. Lots of people my dad served with were there, and their families_."

"That's…a lot of people. We're thinking small. But I'll definitely take you up on the offer of help once we start to get some things sorted out." She pauses. "In the meantime, we're having some people over on Saturday. I'd love for you to come if you're free. You and Ellie, I mean."

" _We'll be there_."

* * *

 **Friday.**

It's been a long week for them both, and Kensi is looking forward to spending an easy night in with her fiancé and then sleeping in Saturday morning. They have an early dinner and then curl up on the couch together.

"How's your new agent working out?" Marty asks.

She makes a face. "He didn't. Too independent and too much of a loose cannon. We need to be independent and confident, but we still need to work closely as a team. Black wasn't at work this morning and Hetty said he wasn't coming back."

Marty makes a face. "That's too bad."

She nods. "It's hard to find someone who really fits, you know?"

"I'm sure it is."

She closes her eyes and leans against Marty's shoulder. "I'm just looking forward to a fun weekend."

"Me, too."

Before she can say anything further, her phone rings.

Kensi groans and reaches into her pocket.

"It's my mom," she announces when she lifts the phone.

She answers the call. "Hi, mom."

" _Hi, honey. I'm just calling to say I'm excited about tomorrow and ask if I can bring anything?_ "

"Bring anything?" Kensi echoes.

" _Yeah. I'd love to bring something, if I can. Is everyone bringing something? I make a mean seven-layer dip if that's okay_."

"Uh…" Kensi feels a sudden jolt of apprehension. Marty meets her eyes and cocks his head, concerned.

" _Kensi_?" Julia asks.

"I'm here. I'm just…realizing we haven't actually done anything to prepare for tomorrow…"

Marty's eyes widen ever so slightly in surprise. He turns his head to stare around the living room. They've unpacked all her boxes, but their living space is still cluttered. Not everything has a home. Not to mention, they haven't cleaned. Nor bought any food.

" _Oh, dear_ ," Julia says. " _What time are people coming_?"

"I just said in the afternoon," Kensi answers, running a hand through her hair.

" _How many people_?"

"Not that many," she says quickly. "Just my team from work…That's four for sure. Hetty and Granger are maybes. And then Sam's wife. Oh, and Cole and his wife. And you, and Marty's mom." She meets Marty's eyes. He looks panicked now as well. "And some of Marty's coworkers…and their partners. And his friends from law school." She swallows hard. "And I invited my college friends. I mean, I had to. Mindy set us up."

" _That sounds like a lot of people, Kensi_ ," Julia says.

"That does sound like a lot of people. How did it get to be so many people?" She asks out loud. "I didn't think we knew that many people."

Marty stands up. "We have to clean. Shop. We need food. And plates. And cups. And…something to put in the cups." He turns around. "We're not going to have enough seats for everyone."

" _Kensi_ ," Julia says through the phone. " _You sound like you need help, and I want to help. Can I help?_ "

"Yes," she says, nodding. "Yes, please. We need help."

" _I'll be right over_."

Kensi stands once the call has ended. "How did we invite all these people and forget to actually plan anything?"

"I don't know. It was a busy week. And I'm not used to having a lot of people over."

"Me neither."

"I'm so glad your mom called."

"Me, too."

"How many people do you think are actually coming?"

"I have no idea."

* * *

 **Saturday.**

Thirty-something people show up Saturday afternoon.

It could have been a disaster, but it turns out to be really nice.

Kensi doesn't normally like to be the center of attention like this, but everyone is happy for her and Marty. It's a comfortable, not-at-all formal engagement party that they have somehow put together at the last minute.

She meets the coworkers and friends of Marty she hasn't met before, and happily greets those she had met before.

Mindy arrives and gloats to everyone that will listen that she set up the happy couple. Kensi does nothing but smile.

Monty has a blast. He greets every last person and cons his way into several bites of food. He takes a liking to Sam, and follows him around while the agent eats off a paper plate.

Kensi re-introduces Marty to her team. In the busyness of the week, she had forgotten to warn Marty about Callen and Sam. But, like she had predicted, he holds his own.

When Callen and Sam present him with a gift bag containing scissors and a razor, he turns it back around on them, teasing Sam for going bald young and Callen for not being able to grow a beard. Michelle clearly approves of Marty, and does nothing to help stand up for her husband and his best friend.

When Cole shows up, Kensi immediately likes his wife. Ellie Cole is strong willed and has a sense of humour to rival Marty's. She is a perfect fit for Kensi's former partner.

Cole and Marty also seem to hit it off.

As do Kensi and Marty's mothers, to both of their surprise. Julia and Roberta jump easily into conversation together, and Kensi has a sudden realization that the women will be amazing grandmothers together one day.

Their living room and kitchen are packed with people, reminding them both that they need to start looking for a bigger house. But everyone is happy and glad to be there for them.

When it starts to get late, Kensi and Marty stand up together.

"We just want to thank everyone for coming over to celebrate with us today," Marty says.

"It was just about a year ago that our friend Mindy set us up on a blind date," Kensi adds. "But you probably all know that, because she's told everyone."

"I've known Kensi since college," Mindy speaks up. "We were roommates. After college, I became a therapist. I work with kids, and spend a lot of time working in the foster and legal systems. That's how I met Marty. I knew _immediately_ that they belonged together. But it took forever to get them to agree to go out."

Kensi and Deeks both laugh.

"We're glad we agreed now," Marty says.

"We are," Kensi agrees.

"It's been a hell of a year," Marty adds, "But I wouldn't change a thing."

Kensi feels tears well in her eyes. After everything they'd gone through to get here, it takes her breath away that he would say that. There are so many things she had wished she would have done differently at the time. But now, looking back, she wonders if everything had to happen the way it did to end up here. "Me, too." She pauses for a moment. "And we want to thank everyone who has supported us and helped us." She rolls her eyes at Mindy's triumphant look. "Starting with Mindy."

She pauses while everyone laughs.

"And I want to take a moment for everyone who couldn't be here today." She turns to Marty. "My dad would have loved you, if he was still here."

Marty reaches for her hand and squeezes.

She turns back to the crowd. "Not many of you know, but I lost a good friend in the spring." She closes her eyes for a moment at the thought of Renko. She knows she can't say many details, as most of the people standing before them don't know what she really does for a living. She knows Renko's name was in the press, so she can't call him by his last name either. "Mike was a great friend, and he really pushed me to open up to Marty. I don't think we would have gotten here if not for Mike."

Marty squeezes her hand again. "To our friends and family. Both those who are here, and those who can't be here." He raises his glass and everyone else follows suit.

"Cheers," Kensi echoes the room and then takes a sip of her wine.

"And to the happy couple," Sam calls from the crowd, holding his glass up again.

"Cheers!" Everyone echoes.

Kensi feels Deeks drop her hand and wrap his arm around her waist. He presses a kiss to her cheek. "To us," he whispers for only her to hear.

"Cheers," she whispers back.

* * *

 **Sunday.**

Kensi blinks as her brain finds consciousness. It's early morning. The light filtering in through the window tells her the sun is on its way up into the sky.

Beside her, Marty is sound asleep.

She wonders for a moment why she is awake. Then she feels hot breath on her arm. She turns onto her side. Monty is sitting beside the bed, staring imploringly at her.

"You need to go out?" She asks the dog.

He stands and wags his tail.

She groans and swings her legs over the side the bed.

"Why aren't you waking him up?" She asks.

Monty keeps staring at her, his tail wagging back and forth.

She stands and pulls on pajama shorts and one of Marty's tee shirts.

Monty leads the way towards the back door. She lets him out and he is quick to trot out the door and do his business.

She yawns as she lets the dog back into the house. She opens the cupboard beside the sink to retrieve a dog cookie.

Monty takes the cookie from her and hurries towards the living room. He curls up on his dog bed with his treat.

"I'm going back to bed, Monty," she calls after him. "If you need to go out again, wake Marty, please."

She makes her way back up the stairs to their bedroom.

Marty is still asleep. She slips back into bed beside him.

He stirs. "You 'wake?"

She moves closer to him, settling along his side. "Hopefully not for long."

He mumbles something undecipherable as he wraps an arm around her. "Yesterday was fun."

"Yeah. I didn't realize we had that many people who cared about us."

"Me neither. Nice, though."

"Yeah." She settles her head on his shoulder and closes her eyes. "I'm really happy, Marty."

"Me, too." He yawns. "You do realize, though, that we failed to plan one party. And now we have to plan a wedding?"

She laughs. "We have lots of help."

"We do." He holds her a little tighter. "I'm feeling a lot stronger these past few months, Kensi."

She turns her head against him to press a kiss to his shoulder. "I'm glad."

"I felt a bit stuck," he tells her. "Before I met you. I just didn't feel like I could be happy. But now… I'm happy. And there are so many things I want to do."

"We have our whole lives together to do so many things, Marty."

"Like get married."

"Yes. And honeymoon in Hawaii."

"Also, visit Australia. I've always wanted to go."

"Sounds amazing."

"Kids?" He whispers.

The thought would have scared her a year earlier. But she's stronger now. And she knows Marty would be an amazing dad. It's something they have talked about in hypotheticals only so far. "Yes."

"Ten?" He asks.

She snorts a laugh, knowing he's joking with her. "Let's start with one and see where that takes us."

"Sounds good."

She closes her eyes again. "Sounds amazing. But first, let's sleep."

"Done."

Kensi starts to drift off, her head pillowed on the shoulder of the man who will soon be her husband. "Marty?" She whispers.

"Yeah?"

"Let's not plan some distant wedding. I really don't want to wait to be your wife."

His breath catches and it takes a moment before he can respond. "That's something I can definitely get on board with."

She smiles against him. "I love you, you know?"

"I know," he confirms. "And I love you. So much."

"You weren't what I expected," she whispers. The previous night had made her think back to their initial set up and first date.

"You weren't either," he responds, knowing exactly where her mind is. "But I wouldn't change a thing."

She thinks back to all the good and all the bad of the past year. She had found the man of her dreams, and had almost lost him. But they had found their way together. And she knows now that they're stronger for it.

"Me neither, Marty. Me, neither."


	23. Epilogue

_**Thanks again to everyone who has supported this story. This is the last chapter, posted just shy of six months from starting this story. I'm marking this complete, but if/when I do write oneshots in this universe I'll probably add them on. That being said, if there is a oneshot you want to see within this universe, let me know. I can't guarantee I'll write every one or a timeframe, but I love this universe and will definitely want to revisit it.**_

* * *

 _ **Sometime in the not-so-distant future…**_

Kensi lets herself into the house as quietly as she can. It's much later than usual for her to be getting home, but a priority case kept her working late. She and Cole had spent hours together doing research and interviews with the rest of their team.

The lower floor of the house is quiet, but she knows just where to find her husband.

She slips off her shoes and drops her bag on the couch as she walks through the large living room. It had taken them half a year to find their perfect house, and nearly another year to renovate, decorate and settle in. She doesn't regret a thing. The house is perfect now.

Along the wall leading to the stairs, there is a line of pictures. She touches them one by one as she makes her way by. She's feeling a bit nostalgic today.

A photo of herself, Marty and Mindy at their impromptu engagement party. It's in a frame given to them by Mindy. The words 'I told you so,' are written on the bottom.

A photo of her and Marty at their wedding. She's in a casual white dress, and he's wearing dark pants and a light blue shirt. They're standing barefoot on the beach. The water is behind them. The sun is setting, casting an array of colours from the horizon through the sky. They'd lucked out with warm weather for their late fall wedding.

Another photo from the wedding, with their very happy mothers.

And another from their wedding, with her team.

A large frame showcasing pictures from their two-week honeymoon in Hawaii. One of them trying to surf together. Another of them failing to surf together and falling off the board together. A selfie during a scenic hike. The view from their hotel room.

There are more, of course, outlining their years together. But she stops reminiscing. She's in a hurry to get upstairs.

She pads down the hallway and stops at the door to the nursery. The door is ajar, and the room dark. The only light is filtering in through the window. It gives her enough light to see and make her way through the room.

As quietly as she can, she pushes open the door. The room is quiet. On the floor beside the crib, Monty is laying down. He raises his head when Kensi steps in.

She stops for a moment to crouch down and pat the old dog. "Good boy," she whispers.

Monty wags his tail and lowers his head back down. He's content to go back to sleep.

Kensi stands and steps up to the crib.

Inside, her daughter is fast asleep. She's laying on her back with her little arms stretched above her head. Her little hands are in fists. Her breaths are loud, almost tiny snores.

Kensi smiles. Her husband teases her all the time about their daughter's snoring. He likes to tell her the little girl gets it from her.

She lays a hand on her daughter's chest and feels her chest rise and fall. She knows from experience that, while their daughter may snore like her, she sleeps like her father. It takes a lot to get the little girl to wake up. She'd been a good sleeper since day one, and now at nearly a year old, not much has changed.

"I love you, baby girl," she whispers what had once been her father's name for herself. "I'm sorry I didn't get to say goodnight to you. But I'll be right here in the morning."

Her baby, who is not much of a baby anymore, sighs in her sleep. Her little body shifts and resettles. Her tiny snores resume.

Kensi backs out of the room.

She continues her way down the hall and stops at the last room on the right. There are voices coming from inside the room and she pauses to listen.

"What do you want to do this weekend?" Marty asks.

"I wanna go to the beach," their son answers.

"Hmm," Marty says as he pretends to think about it. "I think that can be arranged. You want to try surfing again?"

"Yes!" The boy exclaims.

Outside the room, Kensi smiles. Marty is an exceptionally good teacher, and their son is quite a good little athlete, despite his young age.

"Will mommy come with us?"

"I'm sure she will if she's not too tired."

There is a moment of silence, and Kensi frowns.

"What's wrong, Jamie?" Marty says.

Jamie sniffs. "Mommy's not here. I miss her. She was gone before breakfast and she's not home yet."

Kensi feels her heart clench in her chest. Every decision she has made since having children has been _for_ those children. She loves her kids more than anything. She wants to spend more time with them, but she also wants to make sure the world they grow up in is safe.

She is about to push open the door to comfort her son when her husband's words stop her.

"Mommy is home most mornings and most evenings," he says. "But sometimes she can't be home all the time. Do you remember why?"

"Because of her secret," the boy answers easily.

Kensi feels her brow furrow. She's not sure what her husband is talking about, but it's clearly a well-practiced line.

"And what's that secret?" Marty asks.

"That mommy is a superhero!" Their son whisper-exclaims.

"Exactly. That's why sometimes she can't be home."

"Because she's keeping us safe," their son adds.

Kensi feels tears well in her eyes. She had no idea what reason her husband has given their kids when she's home late until now. He's such a good husband, and such a good father. He never makes her feel guilty and he always understands.

There are days when he works late, and she is home alone in the evenings with the kids. She just tells them he has to work, he loves them and he will be home as soon as he can. It's never occurred to her to tell them anything else.

She smiles through her tears now. She's nowhere near as creative as her husband. And she loves him all the more for it. She keeps listening.

"Daddy? When did you know mommy was a superhero?"

"Hmm," Marty says, again pretending to think. "I knew the day I met her."

"Does that make me half superhero?"

Marty chuckles. "Yeah, son, I guess it does."

"Good. Cause I wanna be like mommy. I wanna keep people safe."

There is another extended pause before Marty responds.

"That's a really good thing to want to do, Jamie. I'm really proud of you."

Kensi can't stand it anymore. She needs to be with her family. She pushes open the door.

Their son is sitting by his pillow, with his legs crossed as he faces his father. Marty is mirroring the position. He's sitting with his own legs crossed, facing his son, in the middle of the bed.

Both boys look towards her in surprise when the door opens. They look so similar it steals her breath. James has a tall, lanky body. His facial features are closer to Marty's than Kensi's. The only real difference is the hair. It's curly and unruly like Marty's but dark like Kensi's.

"James Michael Deeks, what are you still doing up?" She starts.

"Mommy! I can explain…"

She can't help the laugh that escapes her lips. Her son is _so_ much like his father. The boy jumps off the bed now and hurries towards her.

She scoops him up in a big hug. He's getting bigger every day and she worries she won't be able to scoop him up and hold him like this for long.

"I wanted to wait for you to get home," he whispers, with his face tucked against the crook of her neck.

She holds him close. "I'm so glad I get to say goodnight to you. I missed you today."

"I missed you, too, mommy. Lots and lots."

She rubs his back. "Lots and lots," she echoes.

Marty gets up off the twin bed and walks towards them. He doesn't hesitate to wrap his arms around them both. He presses a kiss to her cheek. "I happened to miss you, too," he tells her. He then kisses her on the lips.

"You, too," she says, kissing him back.

"Eeew," their son complains, trapped between them. "Stop kissing!"

Kensi laughs. Marty laughs as well. "I'm allowed to kiss her, son."

"Yeah, but it's yucky. And you do it _all_ the time."

"One day you'll understand."

Jamie huffs against her, but says nothing.

Kensi moves towards the bed and sits. The twin bed is sitting against the wall, so she shuffles backwards so she can hold her son and lean against the wall. Her husband is right there with a pillow to put behind her back.

She settles and smiles when Marty tucks himself close next to her.

"So, what were you boys talking about?" She asks.

Jamie laughs and turns his head to stare at his father.

Marty looks at him and raises an eyebrow. "Man things," he answers.

Jamie laughs again. "Yeah, mommy. Man things."

"Humpf," she mumbles, pretending to be put out. "I didn't realize you were old enough to talk about man things already."

Jamie nods. "I'm super old now."

Kensi laughs as she runs a hand up and down her son's back. He's definitely not a baby anymore. She wonders when her adorable toddler turned into such a sweet little boy.

"Daddy and I decided to go surfing this weekend," Jamie says.

"That sounds fun," she responds, pretending this is new information to her. "Then you should probably get some sleep."

"Can you tell me a story first?" He asks.

"Okay," she agrees easily. It's past his bedtime, but it's not that late yet. And she wants to spend time with her son as much as he does with her. "What story?"

"It's your ann-versie, right? Tell me about when you met daddy?"

"Anniversary," she corrects. "Where do I start?" She glances at her husband, who smiles at her. "Eight years ago-"

"Wait!" Jamie says. "Carly should get to hear, too."

"Carly is asleep, little man," Marty says quietly.

"Please?"

Kensi exchanges a look with her husband. He nods. "Okay," she says.

Marty presses a kiss to her cheek before getting off the bed and leaving the room.

Kensi takes a moment to re-settle the little boy in her arms. She turns him so he's sitting sideways with his head resting on her shoulder.

Marty returns with their daughter sleeping in his arms and Monty trailing behind him.

Kensi helps him settle beside her with a pillow behind his back. He presses his side against hers.

Carly is asleep with her face in the crook of his neck. Her little fists are tucked up against Marty's chest. Jamie waves at his sleeping sister as he stretches his legs across Kensi's lap and into Marty's.

Monty jumps up onto the bed and curls up next to Marty. Despite his advanced age, the dog likes to be near 'his' kids.

"You remember what we need to do when Carly is sleeping?" Kensi asks.

Jamie nods against her. "Keep our voices down," he whispers.

"Very good. Thank you for remembering."

Marty shifts to recline a bit more, expertly keeping the baby settled against him. His hand stays sprawled against her back, keeping her still and secure.

Kensi feels her heart swell. Marty is such a good dad. She feels so lucky to have him in her life, and so lucky for the family they have built together.

"Okay, where was I?" She asks.

"Eight years ago…" Jamie prompts immediately.

Kensi and Marty both laugh at his enthusiasm.

Kensi leans into her husband and rests her head against his shoulder. In turn, he stretches his free arm around her.

"Eight years ago, I met your dad," she starts. "Your Aunt Mindy had been trying to get me to meet him for months."

"Why didn't you want to?" Jamie asks.

"I'm not sure," she tells her son. "But I'm glad I did."

"Cause it's the best decision you ever made?" Jamie asks.

"Cause it's the best decision I ever made," she confirms. Marty's arm tightens around her.

"Me, too," Marty adds.

Kensi smiles before returning to the story. "Now, when Mindy said he was a lawyer, I expected someone very different…"

They take turns telling the story of their first meeting and the months following it. They have to filter a lot of things out to make it child-appropriate.

Carly sleeps right though in her father's arms. Jamie falls asleep near the end.

"And then your mother came home and told me she was pregnant with you," Marty finishes. "And I've never been happier."

They fall silent for a long moment.

"It's a good story," Kensi whispers.

"The best," he whispers back. He turns his head and presses a kiss to her forehead. "Happy anniversary."

She lifts her head and turns to kiss him for real. "Happy anniversary. I'm sorry I couldn't be home sooner."

"S'okay. We have the whole weekend to celebrate. You get your case all wrapped up?"

"Yeah. We were supporting OSP on a high priority case, so I got to see Callen and Sam today. That was nice." After she and Marty got married, she kept working at OSP with no plans to change jobs. She never did find the right partner with that team, though Hetty kept looking and kept bring in agents. Some lasted a few months and some only a few days.

When she and Marty decided to start trying to get pregnant, they talked about logistics and decided that because Marty had a desk job, it was okay that she keep working at OSP.

When she found out she was pregnant with Jamie, she kept working with Callen and Sam, but stayed out of the field. She planned to return to the field after her maternity leave.

But the day Jamie was born and placed in her arms, she knew she couldn't do that work anymore. She needed to be around for her family.

Marty pushed her to wait until the end of her maternity leave to make her decision, not wanting her to regret an impulsive choice.

Her feelings didn't change. She couldn't return to such dangerous work with a child depending on her to get home each night. She had almost quit NCIS for good, but Marty reminded her how much of her identity was helping people.

She talked with Hetty about her feelings, and, with her husband's support, made the transfer to the LA field office. She joined the MCRT team and resumed her partnership with Cole. The work has a lot more office work and a lot more interviews, but it's meaningful work and minimalizes her time in the field.

She doesn't make it home for dinner every single night, but it means she _makes_ it home every night.

"How are Callen and Sam?"

"Good. I told them we should get together in the next couple weeks. They'll let us know when they're free."

"Sounds good." He sighs and leans his head against hers. "Are you good with going to the beach in the morning? Jamie is eager to surf."

She nods against him. "Looking forward to it. Carly and I can hang by the shore and baby surf." Their daughter, despite her young age, loves being on the water. They tend to sit on their board and support her as she 'surfs' in front of them.

"And after telling Jamie the story of us meeting, we should show him where you proposed," she adds.

"He'll like that." Marty says. "I can't believe how fast he's growing up."

Kensi runs her hand up and down her sleeping son's back. "Wasn't he just learning to talk?"

Marty huffs a laugh. "He was. And this little one was just born." He pats Carly's back. She is still fast asleep against him. "How is she almost a year old?"

"I don't know," she responds.

"I just want to sit here and hold them forever."

"I agree. Though our backs will be killing us tomorrow if we stay like this all night."

"Good point," he tells her. "Plus, I'm looking forward to celebrating our anniversary tonight…"

She laughs, though his words cause warmth to start spreading through her body. "I might be up for that…"

He chuckles. "I got you a present."

"I thought we said no presents?"

"It's not a present-present. It's just something special."

"Twinkie flavoured ice cream?" She guesses.

"How did you know?"

She laughs, knowing it's not really a question. It's something he buys regularly when he wants to do something nice for her. "Thank you. I have a surprise for you, too."

"You just called me out on no presents," he jokes.

"Yes, well, one; you didn't adhere to that. And two; it's not something I bought for you."

"Hmm…" He mumbles as he thinks.

"Give me your hand," she tells him.

"What?" He lifts his head off of hers.

"I need your hand."

He huffs. "I'm kind of holding the baby, here."

She laughs. "Your other hand."

He grumbles as he extracts his arm from around her and holds it out in front of her.

She pulls his hand close to press a kiss to his palm.

And then she lowers his hand and presses it against her lower abdomen.

His breath catches. "Really?"

She nods. "I found out yesterday."

"Kens…" he breathes. "Another baby… I can't even… I'm so…" he exhales. "I love you so much."

"Me, too, Marty," she whispers. "Me, too."


End file.
